Hey, those looking for the original first chapter, it's been made into a separate oneshot called Missed Opportunities because I got a complaint from a reader that apparently, it's "way too long for a drabble".

Disclaimer: Not Eoin Colfer.

"Hey Kelp, want to join us for a drink and maybe a game of Truth or Dare later after duty?" someone shouts. Grub thinks it might be Private Verbil. It takes a moment for him to realise that Chix is talking to Trouble and not him.

Figures, really. Grub wonders why everyone always seem to take to serious old Trouble so much and not him. Pfft, like they know anything about how fabulous Grub is.

Trouble Kelp and Chix Verbil have never gotten along much, but Grub supposes that Trubs doesn't have any real friends to mingle with. Chix probably just wants more people to drink with. Pity too, Grub might've actually consented if they'd bothered to ask him.

Truth or Dare was actually a Mud Man game, but since it was relatively harmless compared to other games, it'd been observed by fairies and eventually adopted by fairy culture. Well, it wasn't harmless, per se, but only about five in six-thousand games Mud Man games were harmless (or so the research says), so Grub doesn't mind.

Major Trouble Kelp nods, and Grub frowns momentarily. Grub, after all, is the more fabulous and outgoing brother. That silly sprite Verbil should be begging for him to join them for drinks, not asking his monotonous old brother.

Grub decides to follow them to the fairy bar down the street from the Police Plaza. Grub likes to think that even if Trouble is biologically the older brother, Grub does tend to be maturer by mental development and therefore should take care of Trouble.

That is, unless Trouble is in actual trouble (get it? Grub has such a wonderful sense of humour), then Grub would gladly sit back and relax. After all, Trouble never seems to get reprimanded by their dear mother or any of the higher-ups. A good scolding would do him good, Grub thinks.

After their shift ends, Grub sneakily uses his stealthy ninja skills to follow the large group of LEP officers down the street. In fact, the entire floor of people seem to be there, except him! They probably just weren't able to deal with his wondrous skills. Jealous, the lot of them. Grub sniffs in disdain at having to deal with these green-eyed creatures.

Even if tomorrow is a public holiday in Haven and therefore the team is at perfect liberty to have alcoholic beverages, Grub can't help but be a little disappointed in their lack of integrity. Really, think about what the citizens will think, seeing the best of the LEP (well, Grub is undoubtedly the best, but they come close) staggeringly drunk in a bar?

He is startled from his contemplation at a shady corner in the bar when they start their first round of Truth or Dare. Grub leans forward subconsciously. Perhaps he could get some dirt on the other officers, earn himself a promotion or something.

"Major Kelp, truth or dare?" Verbil asks, with an impish grin.

"Truth," Trouble is already a tad bit drunk. Grub knows that if he'd been a hundred percent sober, Trouble would no doubt have chosen dare just to prove how utterly daring he is.

Much too rash and irresponsible to be promoted to Major, Grub thinks. Probably stole that promotion from right under his feet. To be sure, Grub would first have to be promoted to Captain and then Lieutenant before arriving at the rank of Major, but that doesn't matter. Trubs has always gotten the undeserved attention that Grub should've received.

"Would you rather be fired from the LEP, or have ol' Grubs kicked out?" Verbil asks, leaning forward with anticipation. Grub snorts. Evidently Private Verbil's lack of intellect was the reason he'd been demoted from Captain. Grub is about to down another drink when-

"Be fired from the LEP," Trouble answers immediately after recovering from a drunken stupor. Grub blinks. Oh.

Private Verbil leans in to whisper something in his brother's ear with a smirk. Grub wishes he could read lips, or that lip-reading had been included among the gift of tongues. That would undoubtedly be a useful skill. The ancient fairies were all so silly and stupid compared to Corporal Grub Kelp.

"Though if he did something stupid and got into the mess himself," Trouble suddenly says loudly, as Verbil sends shifty looks towards his table. Grub gets the distinct feeling that his sneaky cover has been blown. "I wouldn't save his skinny butt for all the gold in the ransom fund."

Grub frowns. Big brothers are supposed to protect little brothers! He disregards what he says earlier about mental maturity. Trouble is older biologically, and science never lies!

He's going to tell Mummy about this. Maybe he'll leave out the part where Trouble actually said he would save his butt.

Chix is referred to here as Private Verbil (and at times just Verbil) because it's in Grub's point of view, and they don't exactly get along. Grub's a bit too whiny and Chix is a bit too trouble-making. This is set at the point when Trouble's been promoted to Major but Root hasn't died yet.

Also, didn't expect this to turn out this long either.