The One I'm Fighting For

Shakespeare's Lemonade

Rating: T

Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort/Friendship

Summary: Sam died finishing the trials. Dean's last act before he joins his brother is going to be rescuing a fallen angel, but when he finds Castiel just as broken as he is and in need of help, death has to wait, and in the meantime, Dean might find another reason to live.

A/N: This story is an AU of what might have happened if Sam had finished the third trial. So, it diverts from the main plot of season nine in a major way: no Abaddon, a human Crowley, no Ezekiel possessing Sam; and, you know, Sam being dead. No pairings so far, just the unhealthy codependency we're used to on the show.

Warnings: major character death, suicidal thoughts, the usual.

"I will fight for you, if it's all I do."~Article One

Chapter One "Last Acts"

It's raining angels, and Sam is dead. Crowley is in tears. Not about Sam, but what does it matter? Dean's whole life has just fallen apart in spite of the fact that the gates of Hell are now closed. He couldn't care less if the demon bastards wanted to overrun the Earth. He'd have taken them all on single handedly if it meant keeping his brother safe.

But it's too late. Dean had tried to warn Sam, but he hadn't listened. Just went through with the whole thing, knowing it'd end with him dead. Sam had been okay with that.

Dean is not.

Dean is so far from okay, staring at his brother's body, curled up on the floor. Sam's convulsions and Dean's shouts are over. There's no blood. No broken bones. No blaze of glory. Sam just gave up. Dean begged him to stop. He hears the words he never quite said echoing in his head:

"There ain't no me if there ain't no you."

He had meant it. Along with every word he actually did say. Sam had to know what would happen if he chose to go through with the last trial. He had to know there was only one option for Dean.

"He's dead." Crowley sounds surprised as he stares at the body by his feet.

Dean would like nothing more at this moment than to shoot the demon son of a bitch. Except he isn't a demon anymore, and Sam's last act on Earth was turning Crowley human. The least Dean can do is let the guy deal with it.

"You're not just gonna leave me here?" Crowley says as Dean turns toward the doorway. He sounds worried. Afraid.

Dean looks back. "No," he says. "You're gonna help me dig."

Because Dean has been through this whole circus before, and he's not going to draw it out any more. He's going to bury his brother, check on Cas, send Crowley off into the sunset, and then he's going to find a nice big cliff to drive off of. Every moment between now and then will be pure agony, but Dean, of all people, is used to that.

Crowley is slow, and Dean just about whacks him with his shovel a couple of times. This is going to take long enough as it is. Of course, it would go faster with Sam, but Sam wouldn't be digging his own grave, now would he?

At least there's the absence of Crowley's usual snarky attitude. Maybe it's being human, but he seems very... un-Crowley. It's a little freaky actually, and Dean is glad he won't be around long enough to find out what a demon-turned-human looks like on a day to day basis.

When the hole is done, Dean realizes that he actually has to go back into the church and carry out Sam's body.

"Wait here," he says as he walks away from Crowley, not waiting for a response. He doesn't get one.

Dean knows Sam is bigger than him, and it would be easier to carry him with help, but there's no one living Dean would allow to touch his brother right now. Sam is right where Dean left him, curled in on himself, an ugly burn on his arm the only sign anything happened to him. He was already pale, but death has turned his skin ashen.

The church is silent. Broken glass and empty chains tell the story of what happened here. But it's over now. Dean gets down on his knees beside Sam and pulls his brother up to a sitting position. He pushes back the hair that's fallen in Sam's face.

Dean wishes he could think of something to say. He knows Sam can't hear him, but he feels like he should tell him it's okay, that everything's gonna be fine, and they'll see each other soon. But he can't. There's too much to deal with between now and then. It might as well be a lifetime.

Pulling Sam closer so that his head rests on Dean's shoulder, Dean lets out a shaky breath. He knows what Sam would say. That he should move on, live a life free of all the blood and chaos that characterized their entire existence. How could he? How could Dean let go of everything that connected him to Sam? Even if he did last through the day. Which he won't. Once this is over, once everyone is okay, Dean will join Sam. For now, though, he has to bury his brother.

Carrying Sam outside is easier than it should be. Dean has always carried Sam, and somehow, he's always known it would be like this. Dean was always going to bury Sam. All that talk of destiny was a bunch of crap. Sam and Dean had made their own destiny. It was their actions that led them here. This is the inevitable end because of the choices they made. Dean wonders if there's any part of it he would take back, knowing how it all turned out. He would have fought Sam harder to be the one to do the trials. Because Sam could have lived without Dean. Dean can't live without Sam.

Crowley stands there beside the grave, silent and serious. He doesn't say anything when Dean lays Sam in the ground. He holds his shovel, waiting for the order to fill the hole.

Dean wishes like crazy he had the guts to kill Crowley, more because he doesn't want him there than any real anger at the man himself. He had been a demon, done what demons do. Who could blame him? It's not his fault Sam is dead, and he seems to actually be upset by it.

"You can go," Dean says, kneeling in the dirt. He'll fill in the grave by himself.

Crowley looks down at him, confused. "Where would I go?" he asks, and his voice sounds as if it's being weighed down by something so heavy it threatens to suffocate both of them.

Dean doesn't have an answer. He doesn't know what the hell Crowley is supposed to do now. He didn't think that far ahead. He wants to say he doesn't care, but that's not true. Crowley is here because of Sam. Dean cares immensely.

So, he only nods and stands up, reaching for the other shovel. He doesn't look at Sam as he pours cold dirt over his body. It's not Sam anymore in that hole. He's long gone.

It's dark when they finish, and Crowley's got blisters on his hands. He doesn't complain, but Dean can tell he's worn out from all the work. Probably hungry too. Dean knows he shouldn't care, but he does. As he puts the shovels away and gathers the last of their things from the church, Dean has a feeling this is going to take longer than he initially thought.

And then the angels start falling from the sky.

~oOo~

The King of Hell is riding shotgun. Dean wishes this were a strange occurrence for him. He had sent Crowley on a shopping spree with one of his many credit cards. Apparently, the former demon didn't like wearing the same clothes for days and had very particular tastes. Dean had taken that time to get some food.

Now he waits in the car outside the department store, thinking this is taking too long. He had hoped to be long since on the road. He hasn't heard from Cas yet, which is unsettling. Maybe Heaven is closed and those other angels fell to escape. Maybe he'll never see Cas again. That thought really shouldn't bother Dean since he's planning on taking a trip in that direction soon anyway. But it does.

On top of all that, the gates of Hell might be closed, but there are hundreds, if not thousands, of angels wandering around the Earth with no idea what they've gotten themselves into. Dean hopes against hope that Cas made it out too. They're going to need him.

Not that it matters because Dean is leaving soon.

When Crowley returns to the car, he's looking happier, though he walks stiffly. Probably from his hours of digging. Now that he's without his demonic powers, Crowley is going to have to get used to aches and pains like everyone else. Dean still hasn't fully thought through what's going to become of Crowley now that he's human. Maybe Crowley hasn't really thought about it either because he seems to be in a decent mood.

That is, until he gets in the car and sees the fast food bag on the middle of the seat. "How do you eat that stuff?" he asks.

Dean shrugs. "It's good enough for Death; it's good enough for me."

"Planning on visiting your old friend sometime soon?" Crowley has always been straight to the nerve.

"Maybe," Dean says. "First I gotta figure out what to do with you."

"Why must you do something with me?"

"I did say you could leave. You didn't."

"And why is that, hmm? I should think you had me right where you wanted me."

"Yeah well... You caught me in a good mood."

Crowley scoffs. "Hardly. You're brother's dead, and you're not angry at all. And how could you be? It was his choice, wasn't it? No, you're so far beyond angry. But that's not why you didn't kill me."

"Don't make me change my mind." Dean pushes the food toward Crowley, and his phone rings. Thankfully. It's a number he doesn't recognize, but he doesn't care right now and answers quickly. "Yeah?"

"Dean?" A frightened voice comes across the line.

"Cas? Where are you?"

"I'm not entirely sure." There are highway noises in the background. "It was a setup, Dean. Metatron didn't want to close all the angels in Heaven, he wanted to cast them all out."

"So that was the meteor shower earlier. All the angels are on Earth now?"

"Yes. And that's not all."

"Look, you can tell me all about it back at the bunker."

"That's just the problem, Dean. I can't get there."

"Why not?"

"The third part of the spell. Metatron took my grace. I'm human now."

Dean feels his stomach drop and his heart rise to his throat. All his plans, his intentions go out the window with those words. He can't leave Cas stranded, and the fact that he's human brings on a whole other mountain of issues.

"Okay," Dean says. "Just figure out where you are, and we'll come find you."

He doesn't have a choice. He only wants to die, but he can't just yet. Cas needs him. And that matters.

Thanks for reading. This is my first multi-chapter Supernatural story, so I'd love to know how I'm doing and whether readers are interested for me to continue. Also, this story hasn't been betaed. I will try to remedy that.