Hi Everyone! This is my first story I am posting on this site. I am a big E/O fan, and have a hard time watching the newer seasons because Elliot is gone. I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf, not to me.

Because I Wasn't There

Chapter 1:

Months after the worst days of her life, after she fought so hard after to overcome what Lewis had done to her. Olivia Benson sat in a courtroom where she had earlier relived what had happened to her, in front of strangers, her colleagues and the man who occupied her nightmares since that fateful night a few months earlier. She now sat waiting for the jury's decision and she knew what is was going to be. They knew she lied, she knew they did, and she knew that he was going to walk.

The fear was so real. It was the same fear she felt when was taken those months ago. It was acute and she could not breathe, could not react, and could not feel. Her friends and colleagues had tried to talk to her, calm her, take her mind off of what was happening but she could not react. She knew that they had the best intentions for her, but she didn't want to talk to them. She didn't want to talk to anyone at all. Honestly she wasn't positive she even wanted to be living, because if he walked, she knew she might as well be dead.

She took a deep breath, and a cold medal object hit the skin on her chest. She forgot she was wearing it. She put it on at the beginning of the trail, after not looking at it for such a long time. Olivia wore it under her shirt, near her heart. She needed strength, needed grounding and she knew that if a part of him were with her, she would have that. It who he was to her, and although she had not seen or heard from him in over three years, he would always be that person.

To be honest, she tried not to think about Elliot Stabler all that often. It still hurt that he was gone and that he had not contacted her, especially after her whole ordeal with Lewis. But as much as it hurt, she knew how much she meant to him and how much he meant to her. It is one of those things you can't explain. They never talked about it, never had to, they just knew. She had moved on with her life, as she was sure he had as well, but their connection would never die and it was something she did not want to lose.

As she was thinking about Elliot, she grabbed the necklace, trying to steady her breathing and ground herself. The fear and tension was dissipating, leaving her body. She used to do this a lot when she first got the medal and she was still desperately missing her partner and best friend. Today the effect it had on her was stronger than ever. It was almost like he was physically there with her, which was impossible because she had not seen or heard from him in years.

Then suddenly, she saw Lewis enter the courtroom and stare her down. She looked away pretending not to notice. She looked at her nails and then phone, anything to distract her from his stare. She did not want him to think that he was important enough to have a second of her time, or worse that she was terrified of him. He did not even deserve any kind of reaction from her. A moment later the jury entered the room and the fear she was feeling a few minuets earlier had come back in full force.

As everyone settled down, the judge began to speak. It was the moment of truth, and she could not listen to a thing the judge said. She was still looking at her phone, trying not to lift her eyes; afraid people would see the fear. She was so tired of being afraid and so tired of people knowing she was afraid. It was not her, never had been and she hated who she was becoming. She was trying to listen to what was going on but she couldn't. She was sweating and not breathing. Everything was closing around her. Then suddenly her phone buzzed quietly.

She glanced at the screen and it was a text from an unknown number. It was absolutely the most inappropriate time to be checking her text messages, but she didn't care. She was intrigued. She opened the text on her lap, still clenching the medal around her neck.

"Semper Fi" the text read. She was pretty sure her heart stopped beating and she blinked a few times, eyes bludging out of her head. Even opened and closed the text a few times before she believed it was real. It could not be happening. She picked up her head, and saw Lewis staring at her, but she didn't care, she started looking around the courtroom. And finally she stopped when she found what she was looking for. A pair of beautiful deep blue eyes she had not seen in so long. She new just stared into his eyes, and he stared back.

Elliot Stabler was in the courtroom, he was there, in the flesh, and she could not wrap her mind around it. She didn't know what to do, but she could not stop staring. His eyes told her everything. She forgot how they could communicate with just a look, what is like, how it made her feel. And what he was telling her right now with his eyes was that her was here with her, for her, he was sorry, and that nothing in this world would ever hurt her again if he could help it. She could not help herself, her eyes teared and she gave him a small smile, one that he returned.

And then the juror spoke, and reality crashed back in. She had to take her eyes off him and turned to face the front, she quickly looked back to make sure she did not imagine him, and he was still there and gave her a small reassuring smile. She turned back waiting to hear the decision.

"On the charge of attempted murder we find the defendant … not guilty"

And with those words, her whole life felt like it was ending. She had lost and that bastard was walking out of here a free man. She held her breath and tried to keep it together as she watched Lewis hug his lawyer.. She felt an arm on her back and it was Nick, Brian was right next to him. It didn't matter though, she felt life leaving her body, and there was nothing either of them could do to stop it.

In the back of the courtroom as the jury announced their verdict, Elliot Stabler, clenched his fist. There had been only a few times in his life where he had been so angry and so scared at the same time. There as no denying what he felt for Olivia, what he had always felt for her. He knew it and he knew on some level she knew it. Hell everyone who had ever known them knew it. He had been nothing but a bastard for the last three years and he knew it. Killing Jenna had broken him. And by the time he was in a state to be anything to anyone, it was too late and Olivia had moved on with her life, and he did not want to cause her anymore heartache. It did not make it right, but she deserved better, she deserved everything.

But he had to be here today, he knew she needed him and he needed her. He needed to see her, to make sure she was ok. And he needed to protect her. It was his job and he failed her. When he heard her tell her account of what happened, he had to leave the room because he physically got sick. Now he was so scared of what that piece of shit would do to her if he got the chance. She was not safe and he was so scared. There was no way that monster was going to get away with this. He had never felt so much anger toward anyone in his life. It was a switch he could not turn off and he knew exactly what he had to do. So without a word he left the courtroom.

Olivia turned around to find Elliot, find her rock, but he was no longer there. All the fear she felt for Lewis, paled in comparison to the fear that Elliot had not actually been there and had been a hallucination. She could care less about what was going on around her, what her friends and collogues were saying or doing. She quickly checked her phone and she still had his text. So he had to have been there. Suddenly, the phone vibrated again, again the unknown number came up. She quickly opened the message.

"Semper Fi. I'll be back Olivia, I promise you I will be back. Please dont give up on me Liv. XO El"

And with that text Olivia finally broke down.