This fic is riddled with unnecessary, overcomplicated language. I can understand the story just fine, but the language overpowers the mood of the story, with it coming off as more of an overthought exam essay. Not for me. This is an age-old story at this point, but I'm sharing my viewpoint

First off, sorry for the mistakes as English is not my native language and I am not quite as comfortable than in my language.

I don’t know if you still can receive email or review, but anyway I just wanted to write something as I read your fic, MANY, MANY, years ago, and I just reread it all over again now.

I enjoyed so much your fic years ago, that I began reading it again and I want to say this is an amazing good story. So well written, so much vocabulary (I still have to look for the translation sometimes, as I am not used to read stories with so much vocabulary and complex sentences) but I enjoyed myself you have no idea.

You really are a talented author, one of the few on this site that I loved to read. It's too bad this fic is left unfinished, and at a very dramatic moment. I'm sure the end was not so far away, it's such a shame.

I understand that life does not necessarily give us the time to do everything we want / like or crave for but such a great story should not be left abandoned. If only you could finish it. That was a gift for all your reader and nevertheless I want to thank you for your amazing work and this epic long story which I enjoyed so much.

PS : And I can't believe there is so little reviews for such an awesome story, I don't get it really. One of the best fic here, this story deserve MUCH MUCH MORE

I’ve read your story a few times and loved it. Some of the wording does feel a little forced and over the top. I am sure you can speak very eloquently in real life, but using words that most would have to look up in a dictionary can be alienating and off putting to readers. You don’t need to dumb your writing down, but maybe choose words from a more common vocabulary.
Also the quote at the beginning of Chapter 3 is not from the Bible. It’s from a play called “The Mourning Bride”.

I really wish people would clue in that dbz is not based in our universe, there is no America, Snickers, or GTA. Another thing that would be great is if people didn't throw in random cancerous Japanese words, pick a language and stop making your stories cringy. Otherwise, great story, I like how it has played out

this chapter is amazing!

muhahahahahahahahahaha! ahahahahahahahahaha! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! that was halarious! when I read it, I began to laugh like crazy!

Oh, and I got bored during finals, so... this is officially getting spammy (I just adjectivified a word) but I have a strange amount of fun annoying people when I'm in this mood so... reviews and stuff!

also, why on earth does this have only 222 reviews? this is so much better than every other dbz fanfic I've read. I really don't get it. Anyway, here's more support for your writing.

(so... I wasn't allowed to post this review as nbp, so I logged out and did it anonymously... as nbp. Here you go!)

well... I read it again; big surprise, right? I hope you know that your fluency with English vocabulary and overall knowledge of how to layout a story is not negligible at all. Not even close. I know that I don't have any actual criticisms to make (except for the few times I think you used rump for head; rump means a person's hind-parts). The writing is great, and the only reason I come back to this website is for this story... which sounds ridiculous, I know. But It's true. Keep writing if it's something you like doing, and don't get discouraged by what you're not because you already write very well. anyway, I hope you see this. I wish you the best!

nbp

Is it just me or do anyone not know half the words in this fic

Gohan is such a dork, thank you for that lol.
I always know a Gohan/Videl Orange Star High fic is gonna be good when that's the case.

J'aime.

So, here I am again, I went through all of the chapters ( I didn't read again though, I get too attached to stories so if I read this again, I'd get depressed at the fact that this probably won't ever be finished, because this story might be one of the best I've ever read). I wish you the best in the future and I'm very thankful that you've lent your writing abilities to the people who would read your stories.

sincerely (and I am truly sincere),
NBP

p.s. If, for some reason, you decide to revisit this site and read this review, please scroll down to my review for chapter 1.

chapter 15, almost there.

chapter 14