What a delight, thank you!

"AAARRGHH!" Malfoy woke with a start, sweat covering his whole body.
A dream - no a fucking nightmare! - like he'd never had before!
Fancying Potter! SHAGGING POTTER! He needed to owl his mother and organise a mind healer to meet him in Hogsmead this coming weekend. Fortunately it was only two days, but still.
He briefly considered if some potion or a substance had been slipped to him at dinner? Unlikely as the house elves would never allow it. He knew better than to ask Snape for any assistance. Chalk it up to experience and NEVER tell his father was best way to go.

Despite multiple sessions with various mind healers, Malfoy could not throw off the recurring dreams until end of school year.
He'd ended up a nervous wreak as even Pomfrey's dreamless sleep potions refused to work. They were vivid, detailed, varied and oh so bloody realistic!
He was listless, hardly slept and failed half his end of year exams. It had taken most of his father's influence, calling in multiple favours and a fifty thousand galleon contribution to the schools muggleborn education fund to keep him with his year mates. Having to repeat a year would mean so much loss of face, as to be fatal in Slytherin political circles.
That rage in his father's face - and him snapping his cane in half - when stood in headmaster's office as Dumbledore exceeding politely suggested that muggle fund donation, would never leave him. IF this continued next year, he'd find himself at Durmstrang before christmas.

As it was he expected extreme punishments from father during two month summer holidays. And of course Lucius Malfoy's punishments were nothing to laugh at. While nowhere near as pain inducing or sadistic as his aunt's famous rages, the prospect of facing those subtle paternal tortures made his blood run cold.
It was ALL POTTER'S FAULT! But the Gryffindor had ignored him since before that first dream. He couldn't imagine that stinking scarhead keeping silent if he had been involved? Mudblood bitch Granger wouldn't break the rules like that and Weasel was too stupid to accomplish anything so subtle.

Draco's problems disappeared during July and August at Malfoy Manor, but returned with avengeance after arriving back at Hogwarts. He was packed off to the Scandinavian school before beginning of October. Lack of rest, disorientation and nerves caused him to vomit on arrival by portkey. That had been quite an ominous start to his new placement at the institute. It didn't get terribly better.

It took a further eight months to become free of those accursed dreams of being with Potter, kissing Potter, marrying Potter, HAVING POTTER'S BABIES and afterwards he never worked out where these perverse visions came from?
He had a very mediocre academic career at Durmstrang's and left England for good after he graduated. The humiliation of bumping into any of his former Hogwart's schoolmates coloring his choice. His going bald at twenty didn't help matters - he put that down to stress of his father being chucked in Azkban and losing more than three quarters of Malfoy fortune to fines. Living in Austria he found some success as an exotic potions and powders trader. He never had any desire to marry, as any sexual contact with others made him picture Potter's face as they were in throws of passion. Those green eyes filled with potent lust! Eeep! And of course those visions were worse when he COULDN'T see Potter's face.

Voldemort's feeble attempt to return in 2041 was crushed by The Order of the Eternal Phoenix and Dumbledore's Legacy muggleborn group's Horcrux neutralizers. Harry Potter's soul fragment having been removed years earlier at St. Mungo's under supervision of Hermione Granger-Weasley and her daughter Rose Longbottom.
Harry frying the so called Dark Lord with a Muggle thermal lance was a final insult to Tom. As he turned it on Riddle's limbless body, it was rumoured the screams could be heard from outside the Shrieking Shack to other side of Hogwarts.

Draco Malfoy passed away from a particularly nasty strain of dragon pox in his ninety third year. Bald, wrinkled, bent and with sunken features, his remains could've been mistaken for a very tall house elf. Only two extremely distant relatives attended his funeral, and then that was mainly to see if he'd left any gold. It was not to be, as what little he owned was eaten up by providing him with medical care in those last few years.

(Fred and George's replacement of Draco's haircream with one of their more potent products was never detected. They smirked for weeks when the blonde ferret unknowingly packed up two full tubs when he left for Durmstrang!
It was only revealed in 2136 at reading of the late Fred's will. Their nine hundred relatives and friends filling the Brighton & Hove Quidditch stadium pissed themselves laughing for almost an hour! Harry had to be taken to New St. Mungo's for the strain on his elderly chest, but recovered in a couple of days. For many generations to come wizards, witch's & even muggles would go out of their way to taunt a large portrait of Lucius and his son, which still hung in a quite corner of the Ministry atrium. Icing on cake of this would often be portrait Draco hurling insults back or breaking down in hysterical sobbing - which incited portrait Lucius to smack him across the back of the head!)

Absolutely delightful! One of the best-written, meaningful stories I’ve read in a while!

re: your response.
"Don't like, don't read" is a standard response to criticism of a work of fiction, particularly for drarry shipping stories. It raises the basic question of why the critic bothered to read or finish the work if it turned out they didn't like it.

The trope is most commonly used by authors/fans/reviewers who Can't Take Criticism or opinions differing from their own and try to silence critics with this line (as part of a Bad Writing trifecta with Lets See You Do Better and You're Just Jealous). When "don't like, don't read" is used this way, the problem is immediately obvious: how is the audience supposed to know they don't like it if they haven't read it? The alternative would presumably be for the critic to not read the work and complain about it anyway. And a reader doesn't necessarily have to enjoy everything they read, especially if they think they can provide Constructive Criticism that will make the author's future work better, they find it So Bad, It's Good, or they can derive money or laughs by being a Caustic Critic. And just because you don't like the premise doesn't mean that you can't overlook that bias and comment on how well executed the work is. It's not as if professional critics can just read/watch media that they will probably enjoy, weakening this line of attack. Expect to see this as a response to any criticism in a comment section for the work, especially on YouTube (where the work may be so short that it's already over by the time the viewer decides they didn't like it).

And a certain sitcom character quite rightly states "IF you don't TEACH THEM, how are THEY SUPPOSED TO LEARN!"

Our group's IQs far exceed that of the average - and that of drarry & dramione shippers in particular - and by our own ethics we must teach them their lack of light & to show the way. To do anything less in these times of darkness is folly & to deny the moral upkeeping of sanity.
Like not hating neon yellow boxer shorts, thinking new Coke was a fantastic idea or not wanting President Trump to have dropped dead from Covid-19 ages ago ...

TN/ Hello readers of this shitty fic!
We are an extremely immature pathetic idiot group of drarry haters. Out of boredom, we cracked this george's passy for fun (and it took less than 11 minutes to do it too) and will probably get us in a shitload of trouble. Which we probably deserve 'cause we're all being trolls right now. Meh.

And I present to you OUR crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skipped over to skim a random chapter) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "fag-girls"

I the self insert American retail wearing british vampire Sue/Stu, coughed up blood.

Satan/Cedric/Edward/Robert kneeled down beside me.

"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"

I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble gothic Slytherin Sue/Stu."

Satan/Cedric/Edward/Robert sobbed. "I love you Self Insert/Tom Felton."

"I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black.

All the bloody fag hag/feltup fangirls suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. They frowned when & realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Self Insert/Tom Felton's lifeless body, They screamed. Their faces became pale with horror. They screamed for the healers, Drumbledore, Mcgoogle, and every single badboy in leather pants capable of reviving a person/self insert/vampire/actor they could think of.

Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of self insert/Mr Felton. Everyone stared in shock. His/her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.

When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the mary sue/actor had became nothing more then a pile of ashes.

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" filled the room.

A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.

All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (TN/I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened.) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies.

When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the gofick power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong this fanfic is dead...' Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again.

All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax. On the right the battle of the Backside and the Rearenders did reach multiple climaxes!

And, because the replacement authors also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Harry then fled the scene and got married.

Troll Note/ And that dear readers of our little review is only way Draco & Harry should ever get together. Please await further copy and paste versions of this all over fics of this silly ship.
(this metatroll collaboration by hogwarts *********** chatgroup on 05/12/2020)

This is a great fic. Well-written, funny and hot.

'The hunched little elf scurried around the door, a pile of their folded clothes in his arms. "Kreacher did not mean to intrude Masters," he said, eyes averted as he headed for the chest of draws, "he just does not want visitors to think this is a house of ill repute, shirts on the floor in the foyer, trousers on the stairs, Master Draco's vest hanging from the banister…" He gave them an almost disapproving glance, and he put the clothes on the dresser surface and headed back to the door.
"Our reputation would suffer without your moral compass to guide us," Draco said, unable to be insulted or angry with anything while Harry's hand drew lazy circles on his belly and his veins were so full of afterglow.
The elf bowed in the doorway. "Kreacher does his duty to the House of Black."' Hahaha I love this. I love Kreacher in your story.

'But this makes much more sense, good sex can get you through just about any disagreement, can't it? It certainly worked in my marriage."' This had me cackling

'"Sorry if that offends you Mrs Malfoy," Harry apologised, then deciding Draco wasn't going to get away with being a sulky dick he added, "I was just a bit annoyed to be interrupted, I quite like kissing your son."' Haha

'Jean was completely unabashed at being caught out, he smiled, tied his robe more securely and explained in a surprisingly haughty voice for a man in a flowery silk dressing gown, "I attend to all of Mrs Malfoy's needs in this house, it is the most rewarding position I have ever held."' This had me laughing out loud.

Marc's tactics are good.

I like the idea of Kate Middleton being a witch.

'The headline had read, The Boy Who Lived - Living at Last' Awww

'He sincerely hoped that Granger's ridiculous store of knowledge didn't include being fluent in written Bulgarian, because he already felt a little inadequate in her company.' Lol

'In Draco's opinion the prophecy held at the Department of Mysteries should have warned Voldemort of a girl born in the middle of September, rather than a boy at the end of July' True dat

'Publically, Harry had only ever said that he had personal evidence that Snape had always been working against Voldemort since the night Harry had been orphaned. Draco now knew that Snape had switched sides earlier even than that, and that he had loved Harry's mother since they were children together.' Didn't he say that during the battle though?

'''Yes," Draco said faintly, unable to find even a scrap of his usual sharp tone. Harry must have sucked it out of him.' Lol

"Watch out Dudley, you better not have kids with her, they might be magical." Now that would be funny.

'''What?" Draco said irritably, after he swallowed, as they were all still staring at him, "it's not like I haven't had chips before, they serve them at Hogwarts. It's the altitude of our meal that I have a problem with."' Haha

'Maybe Harry would have Firewhiskey hidden on his person since he was so fond of it. Perhaps Draco should search him' Lol

'as she fossicked in the fridge' Good word! I had to look it up.

'''Righto," said Harry, still snickering. Draco really didn't see what was so funny, The Pig and Whistle was no odder name than the ones held by wizarding pubs.' Is it funny because Dudley is a police officer (pig)?

What does 'tokeness' mean? I googled it but couldn't find the answer.

I love that Kreacher hides the umbrella in order to give them more time together

Yay, more kissing!

'There was one framed photo on the desk of himself and Hermione standing next to Harry who was holding their daughter, they were all very dressed up, the ginger child as well, wearing an overly long white lace dress that looked highly impractical for a creature as messy as a baby.' Does Draco not know what a baptism/christening is?

Whoops, you really put your foot in it Ron!

'A jaunty little blonde sprite had told him he had quite fashionable hair, for, you know, an older guy. Since when was twenty bloody three – or two as he had been at the time – an older guy?' Haha

Yay, kissing!

'Then he laughed loudly and whacked Harry on the knee in a randomly blokey fashion, "Sex with women?" he shuddered, "You unnatural cretin."' Haha