Man I'm writing this so people know that these guys absolutely hate RWBY they charge RWBY community money to write fan fics then make videos only to shit on Miles and Kerry, These guys are horrible humans who take pleasure in cyber bully RWBY fans for liking the show! Honestly I feel sorry for their parents especially Fat manfalling, God's his parents must be embarrassed having a red headed child like him, You guys should be ashamed of yourselfs for using RWBY fans for money, they put OC in their stories because they hate all of the RWBY Characters!

Too many OCs, entire chapter was introducing a dozen characters. Dropping the story.

This latest update is not so much part of the story as it is author's notes, making it non-story content. Non-story content is not permitted on this site per the Terms of Service we all agreed to when we signed up for accounts. Kindly move this update to your profile or at the end of chapter 18, which does contain story content. Take these suggestions into consideration as they will help you avoid ToS issues in the future. Please understand, I say what I say in the spirit of what this site is about: making good stories great, if not brilliant.

Best,
Zad
Critics United

This chapter is not a story, so much as an announcement, making this non-story content. Non-story content is not permitted on this site per the Terms of Service we all agreed to when we signed up for accounts. You move this to your profile, where it belongs. The stories section is for just that: stories. Take these suggestions into consideration as they will help you avoid ToS issues in the future. Otherwise, you risk getting your story deleted and possibly receives an account ban (even if it takes forever to happen, it will happen eventually, so do it now while you can).

You should do the same with "Souldrops and Snowflakes" as well. I wish you luck.

Metal Navy
Critics United

Good chapter.

-sad sigh- Well I'll be honest, I was expecting it when I saw the new 'chapter'. At least you're telling us because most wouldn't. Good luck with all your projects and I actually don't mind your long chapters; I like long chapters :)

Onomatopoeia

Hate to here about that. However i hope you continue with your Cardin /Velvet series i love it.

Muwahaha, another rival brought low due to irl!

Nah, in all seriousness, it is a shame to hear about the hiatus even if I kind of figured that that was gonna be considering how long the last update was and knowing some of your little projects and other things. Welp, unfortunately nothing can be done about it if it interferes with your writing that much as even I am experiencing the stress of real life demanding so much attention that it not only takes your time away from writing fanfiction but the delays and doubts start to pick at your motivation and inspiration to write.

I already got this story fav'd and followed so there's nothing else I can really do except hope to get another e-mail for another update. A real one that is.

Good luck with all your other things until then!

Oogiddy boogiddy.

Never read this but it looks good and you sound like a decent person. So Im gonna follow and wait till you update have a good year.

Really like this needs a new chapter

It's great that you want to contribute to the community, but I'm sorry, I refuse to support a project that's there to fix something that isn't broken. The writing isn't top-notch, but they're doing the best they can with runtime limits and the massive amount of lore they're trying to establish. I haven't done my research on what you're planning, but I guarantee it can't match the quality of professionals with funding. Sorry.

The timeline was confusing for this chapter, and I don't think I found all the correct musics :(

* While I still hold Francis as my least favorite character, I LOVED the bonding moment with Sven as a hostage. (Though, it went on quite a while and Anguis did nothing...?)

* Dyr having a hissy fit and walking away didn't really fir with what we've seen of him so far

* "Sounds... very... final..." XD

Yeah, not too much happened in this chapter, but glad that the Francis arc is (hopefully) over, definitely going to look more into OTS

I think you've pretty much hit it with what was wrong with the chapter as I felt it pretty good while reading: too many things happening too quickly. I think I can pinpoint the exact moment being Adam putting a stop to the fight in order to propose destroying and rebuilding the White Fang. That felt the most like something that came out of nowhere and my exact reaction really was "...What?". Doing so with DYR of all people made it a little too much, even if Adam knows about Dyr's past and has a plan that could - in his mind anyway - turn the faunus over to him. Trying to get someone who resorts to cannibalism to join your side isn't gonna get him many points imo.

Considering I think you mentioned not planning on having people see Adam or Kitsch again, I think this might've been a plot point you could've done without considering the rather staggering number you have already amongst RWBY, JNPR, and all the OC Teams. Not only do you have this but I predict there's a couple more logs that are gonna be thrown onto the fire with Yang, Blake, and Sun now that you got Adam hanging around again. But I'm the reader who doesn't know how this'll all play out so I'll stick to the age-old "wait and see" approach.

As for the rest of the chapter, top-notch as always. Got some humorous bits with our characters as always - remixed Mirror, Mirror ringtone, still with the right wing, stealing airships, etc. - novel ideas to mix into the universe - Burn Dust in the vents -, more action fightings, and people getting over their personal problems in their own way such as Francis.

Would like to know how Anguis keeps managing to live. Getting smacked around with a mace was one thing but being at ground zero for a tanker truck explosion that an android couldn't last in - complete with a working tracking device - kind of makes me wonder just how he's able to do that with his "shedding skin" trick.

I did a quick search for RWBY: OST and saw it. Ambitious, interesting, but a little...uneasy for my own, personal reasons. Nonetheless, I'll keep an eye on it as the ambitious and interesting bits has me expecting entertaining things to come, especially as you are leading the writing for it.

Until then, I'll be anticipating the next chapter for this.