Reviews for The Line
narutouzumaki9718 chapter 9 . 6/19
Is this going to be updated?
NazgulBelserion chapter 9 . 3/3
I was expecting a story where they react to Harry's adventure like in first chapter but it's meh
The Dark One Rising chapter 1 . 11/5/2019
Well, this isn’t the best at grammar or even plot. The Sphere is oddly voyeuristic. It also represents something of a plot hole. If such a thing exists, why is any character ever able to hide? Most of the professors are acting disconcertingly immature. It seems questionable that they would continue to allow children to view such a horrific thing. It is even more questionable that the Sphere would not first be tested elsewhere. Snape, a ear-hardened spy, would not react so visibly. In fairness, the adults are hardly the most reliable figures, even in canon.

I do not mind the pairing of Harry and Hermione. It has likewise been shoehorned into other fics. The distance could also reasonably make the heart grow fonder.
Numbet1ebaystoregmail chapter 2 . 2/5/2018
Intense
LoneFox123 chapter 9 . 8/14/2017
Glad to see you're back, though I'm going to have to reread this story, seeing as I've forgotten much of it. Really looking forward to the next chapter.
Guest chapter 9 . 8/10/2017
It seems to be flowing nicely i reckon it would be good if ellie turned bite harry and got cured
orion0905 chapter 9 . 8/10/2017
Welcome back, I'm sorry about your loss.

Good chapter there, sadly I can only see this ending in tears at this point. His magic wants nothing to do with Elli so what will the magic of the world do?
DanDrake chapter 8 . 11/29/2016
Are you planning on continuing this?
Gregorvich chapter 8 . 10/9/2016
or
masa1980 chapter 8 . 1/8/2016
Cool story. Keep on writing! Maybe some changes with the orb...
starboy454 chapter 8 . 5/27/2015
excellent story so far
Anon chapter 8 . 4/2/2015
will-you-do-the-reactions
JB chapter 8 . 2/2/2015
Well done. This chapter was worth the wait. I'm glad they finally met, I just wish it wasn't in these circumstances. I hope everything will work out for them. Please update soon. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Varigos D. Vastitas chapter 8 . 1/6/2015
I've never played any part of The Last of Us nor seen a let's play of it on youtube, so I gotta say this seems like a fresh story to me. The moment at the end took me by surprise, and reading this in the dark allowed my dog a nice moment to startle the hell out of me.
This chapter had a perfect level of description: not to wordy yet described everything to the point of immersion. I didn't notice any spelling errors or grammar screw ups. I have to say this is what I would consider a decent example of well written fanfiction.
Anla'shok chapter 8 . 1/6/2015
Why did Harry leave at the end? Ellie couldn't know he's related to her and she's had a terrible day so why was her paranoid reaction so stunning? Sure, wounded pride etc... but that's plain old sulking. Then again, Harry is young.
Re-reading that part, I now believe Harry leaves because he's convinced Ellie will soon die. But seriously, all that part about him being reminded that he's a wizard and he just collapses helplessly? I can understand exhaustion, but angry denial and trying to save her (successfully or not) would be more appropriate here. (Note that I'm not challenging Harry's actions. No character can always live up to expectations, which also makes them realistic).

As usual, I really love the style, it's full of images but you don't overdo the flowery prose. Ellie's foul language is jarring, although it probably wouldn't be as much if it was spoken instead of written.
Harry is very much about keeping calm and controlled in this chapter, which is OOC considering that canon has Harry as generally fearless (or at least unconcerned for his own safety), not prone to planning things out before charging in, and lucky enough to survive. Here, you have him frantic but disciplined which, as usual, makes him a good original character, but not Harry Potter. I know you're too far into the story to do much about it, and I really like your passionate "Harry", but I do have to point it out (again) since your story is based on the fact that Harry is canon Harry until the end of the 3rd book (with slight changes to account for his increased emotional maturity and feelings for Hermione).

The one complaint I have is Harry's magic (his Hermione core), which acts like a Deus ex Machina. If his magic pops up every time he's in trouble and hands him the solution, it kinds of takes the threat out of the events. I'd rather have him remember he's a wizard instead of needing to be told by his core, and act like it even if without a wand he can't do as much as he wish he could. Hermione core isn't a bad idea, but it should be a character and plot driving force instead of a plot device.

Details:
"Harry bit down his youthful and brash anger."
You have a close-up 3rd person narration so we can see Harry's side of things. A third party may deem Harry's anger 'youthful' but it's jarring to see him qualify his own feelings that way. If he was twenty and aware of his own failings, fine, but with a 14 year old, it doesn't feel right. Especially since while anger is not an efficient response in his situation, it's still pretty justified.

Also, you say twice that the girls are about Harry's height.

I do wonder about Ellie's age now. If Ellie is Harry's sister (yes "if" because I still think it'd be awesome if she wasn't his sister and if this was all a plot to get Harry -and maybe even Ellie- killed) she has to be close to him in age.
There's also the question as to why Ellie ended up growing up where she did.
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