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I loved I until the end that was stupid really ugh thank slot for nothing this ruined my whole day

I'm going to die XX please fix that ending!

I loved this story mai should have left that deadbeat and naru should've helped her better.I would love to read more stories like this.

Naru is so mean! I hate you NARU!

I couldn't understand the story because of the bad grammar and you also tend to give bad happenings and your words are also redundant. I hate your story.

I think they forgot about the birth control pill...

I want to kill Naru. I loved the story. I didn't review because I couldn't wait to get to the next chapter. Thank is just how much I love this story. And I love the sequel too it to, I read it before I read this one.

What the heck!? Terrible ending awesome story.

I really like your story and I know I'm reviewing late but for your next story try to work on grammar, punctuation, and pharagraphing. But other than that, great story so far. I really like how Naru beat the shit out of Mai's EX.

Its so Bad TwT Naru i hâte you xD

Naru...you are so going to pay for that...

After thinking about it more and fighting with myself about my review at the end of your story… I would concede that your ending may not be as unreasonable as I thought it was at the time. I get too emotionally invested with the story if I liked it enough to read it to the end… and perhaps, Naru being a jerk at the end just didn't reconcile with the picture you painted of him early on inside my head. I was looking at this in the point that anime/manga usually runs on the concept of ideals, a dream, a fantasy created by a creative mind. But, I reconsidered that if you were writing this as a bit of a take if it were to happen in real life… then, I guess, no matter how intelligent Naru is, nothing beats men's pig-headedness in real life. Not just men, I guess, but people generally are cowards and we ran away when we think something's too upsetting or if things weren't what we expected them to be. I believe Naru will be regretting his haste in throwing Mai away in the sequel... (Although, I'm almost positive you'll write a happy ending. I love happy endings… who doesn't! But after what Naru did, betraying Mai's already broken and barely put together trust as easily as he did in the end, I'm not really rooting for them to be together anymore. Love… is a beautiful dream. But without Trust, a relationship can never work. After a betrayal like that, if it were in real life, I doubt Mai would be able to let him in again. She's got big enough a heart, I believe to be able to forgive him in the long run. But if this was real life, I doubt their Love would make a fragile relationship built on a broken Trust would last.) Still, it'll be interesting to say the least how you plan to get them back together again. (Unless the sequel is a oneshot wherein that last scene was just Mai's nightmare and Naru's rejection didn't really happen! LOL)

It was fairly good story. The idea and the plot itself was very interesting… despite there not really being a resolution to the case they got from the James's… it just felt as if a poor execution of what would otherwise have been a better than just 'good story'. I don't say this to offend you… but it just felt like that you put too much in the whole 'woe-is-me-I'm-so tragic-Mai' idea going on through the whole thing that you decided to half-assed it with the case they got. It would have been better not putting anything case-related and just go with Mai's hardships and the actual mystery surrounding her mother's death instead of forcible writing something ghost-related as a case. Anyways, I really never planned on nitpicking about this… but that was only if you ended with a strong ending - which I didn't think you did. It felt more like you were just doing it to have an excuse for a sequel everyone would clamor up to read after this just to know if Naru will get his act together. I know the manga/anime barely portrayed Naru as the epitome of a good and caring person… but after the way you portrayed him throughout the story - the ending didn't really fit in my opinion. Naru is a very intelligent person. He knew Mai was raped, Mai even asked him if he was okay with it and he said he loves her so he wouldn't leave her. As intelligent as he is and after everything that happened, I doubt that he hadn't thought of the possibility that Mai could be pregnant. Still, you portrayed him as a nice, caring, accepting person... only to end it so cruelly. Surprises at the end of a story is not unheard of, that's why readers look forward to sequels. But even surprises in order to consitute as a relative and great addition to a story must have a semblance of reason or sense.

Anyway, I'm terribly sorry if this seemed too nitpicky or rude to you. But those are my honest opinion. I know this is only fanfiction, but I think everyone even fanfiction writers when they've put their work out there, like here, must be also be able to deal with criticisms. I hope you'd take my words as constructive criticism. I wish you luck with any of your future works. I would like to advice you get a beta to check your work for grammatical and technical errors as you've got quite a lot littered here. Also, a good beta could be helpful when you want to bounce ideas back and forth to make the story solid.

(Good luck. Don't stop writing! I look forward to reading any of your future works.)

I love this story. I would love to read more. Thankyou for the most enjoyable story.