Honestly this is fantastic.

I'm literally crying. That was so sad! Now please excuse me while I sob grossly into this pillow. *sobs grossly*

mmmm

This is wonderfully written, I loved how you changed perspectives. It was very sad but I loved it. It really is a shame you won't write anymore Homestuck fanfiction, I think you'd get really good at it if you continued, especially considering how well you did on your first fic!