you cant name a person the same way you would name a pet cmon

...well i fallow till the end... well i will say good luck in life!

...nice! its fun... i will fallow till its end!

I hope that you rewrite soon

forgotten?

The sloppy flow and rushed pace make it too painful to read

I've been through this category at least twenty times now, and every time I see this story I'm interested. After noticing the story, I read the summary. Then, I see the words 'her new master'. At that point I flip my computer off, think about blocking you, and scroll away. Please...

Not a bad story, just wish it had a better way of sliding in to other characters POV's. But as I said, not a bad story.
Looking forward to see its return.

Why not use the Ripper to cut the tree? It is a chainsaw, right?

Everything is so rushed. Reading it seems like your just making your characters jump from action to action as fast as possible with no detail in between. This chapter just cut it for me, I made it to where Ren withdrew a Ripper and could go no further.

Ren is from a world where one mistake will get you killed in likely a very painful fashion, yet she jumps to action without real thought or even minor planning. The only advise I can give is slow the hell down when you're writing. Format things properly like the way you put in dialog between characters is horrid. Don't just put them back to back in the same paragraph, it's a disaster to read that way and really unattractive. Put more details in, how the person; who's P.O.V we're looking through, sees things. Don't just jump scenes either where one moment they're going somewhere then the next they are there. What happened in between? If nothing then write that it was an uneventful trip. Or better yet through in some banter or dialog while they go so the readers can get to know the characters more.

Speaking of dialog, once more in one scene you throw Tabitha's backstory at us Via memory summery. Never give a summery in a memory like that and never give a summery. Make something leading up to it. Make her story a mystery that slowly becomes shown. Learn to lead up to things, not just backstory or character wise.

What else is there, ah yes rushing. Again as briefly mentioned at the start, everything seems rushed, absolutely everything. Draw things out, but not too much. Put in detail so I can imagine Ren singing, I wanna know how that song should be heard, what she's doing up there. Is she nervous? Does it reflect in her voice? The romance between her and Tabitha, while I greatly enjoy that you rushed that as well. I can see why as it's hard for either to find another like them but still it was utterly rushed.

So to briefly summarize this sloppy mess of criticism:
-Slow downX4.
-Put in way more detail.
-Work on formatting.
-Add more character.
-Give characters their do -I.E how Ren is from a hell-like world, her personality and actions should show it-
-Keep writing. While this is all sloppy and such I wonder how this would all look if it weren't so rushed. I'm pretty damn sure that's what has this story in ruin. It would be too much to ask for a restart so I'll say keep it up. Slow things down and keep practicing. I like this story and want to see it kick ass.

mantis and aliens

hope agnes and the princess make it they are to of my favorites other than that so glad u continued this story it is one of my favorites

Ren Sliver TOTALLY NOT a Mary Sue

Is she going to do even more stupid stuff in the future just for overkill?

zips up pants-i wasent doing any thing but any ways about this story it has miss spelled words hear and there but it a pretty good story and you should contiue the lesbain thing your doing so if you wil escuse me-goes to a diffrent lesbain fanfic and unzips pants-