will you continue this story?

Stand up for yourself. Good job my friend! I've had my own share of hater readers and you handled it well. Good job on the story. Keep at it!

I recognize that you wrote this a couple of years ago, and that it has been on haitus or not marked as complete (I've only read the one chapter so far), but I did have a bit of a critique.
*Not mimicking KH's writing style is fine, but you have completely changed the structure of Rachel's internal monologue, so at times it doesn't feel like Rachel. For example, I can't imagine her thinking or saying "I love me some strawberries." And she wouldn't have been so wordy when asking Ceri to not tell Trent. Something more like "'Don't tell Trent,' I whispered, my head spinning with the implications." I would go back and look at Ceri's speech patterns as well.
*There are some discrepancies between the world you present and the world presented by Kim Harrison up to the end of Ever After, and you don't address them in your author's note. I don't recall anything having been said before about genetic compatibility between demons and elves, but as elves can have children with humans and witches cannot, you should have addressed that you were nixing that part.
*Your verb tense transitions from past to present at inappropriate times and it can be confusing for your readers, so try to look out for that. You should also proofread more carefully for typos. I didn't come across any that were hard to figure out, but it is generally considered polite to do this for your readers. Also, it wouldn't hurt to look back at basic grammar rules. I don't mean to sound harsh, and I'm sorry if I do, but there are so many stories posted, and poor grammar hurts stories like yours that have great potential!

Have a great day!

I just found this fandom & yours is the first one I read. Excellent job on your first writing attempt. I have read the entire Hollows series & love that you have used so many of the characters. Also love that Rachel is pregnant! Hope you keep this up because it's awesome so far.

I am enjoying your storyline, and look forward to more of your work. Would like to see Elasbeth get hers as well as everyone backing off from trying to do Rachel in...lol, she deserves a break from that huh? Congratulations on nearing the end of your schooling and best of luck for the future.

i Love your Writing

I love this story…and love the fact that brings things from the actual series to light. Like I have always wondered why Newt is so interested in Rachel so it was nice to see a possible reason.
Keep up the great work and don't listen to haters your story is wonderful and quite enjoyable to read.

I enjoyed the story. Would love to see more. :)

You tell them! I enjoy your story very much and I can't wait to read more.

I really enjoy this story and hope to see more up soon!

I am sorry that you had to deal with an idiot who is nit-picking grammar and themes from the original series.

You are a brave individual, who, on the first chapter stated 'this is my first story'. It is a brave thing to do, writing a creative piece and posting it for the fanfiction community to see.

I wish I had the balls to do a story! Please pardon my French, LOL!

Sure there are mistakes. I have seen other great stories with mistakes. But I have also read some stories so badly littered with syntax and grammar mistakes that I couldn't finish reading!

You are absolutely correct in your statement. This is your work. It is based off an original author. That is the essence of Fanfiction. Everyone can use or create new characters in any story. In this case, you can use a deceased character and not have them gone as in the original story.

Again I hope to see more of this story up...it's nice to see Al not go nuts on Rachel! and also nice to see Newt not insane!

Remember, for every 1 panned review, there are hundreds of positive ones! Also, see if that reviewer ever posted anything to fanfic... If so, read it and look for the same mistakes...if the person has not posted anything, then feel good that you had the bravery to post a story yourself!

Christina

*looks for like button* Good luck on the exams! And I agree, unless you're offering constructive criticism, which can be delivered nicely, shut up especially if you're not one of the writers here and just a reader.

First of all you have some problems with your grammar. Most of the time you are writing in present tense but from time to time you are writing in past tense. And how would Ellasbeth possibly know Rachel’s summoning name? And why would Rachel both come with death threats and swear? She would never kill a human being and she does not swear. Besides it’s a little bit too sugar loaded. And Rachel keeps calling Trent “my husband”. It doesn’t look like Rachel. And Jenks and Ivy certainly wouldn’t leave the church. Rachel might but Ivy and Jenks wouldn’t.

I want more :)

I like thev ties you made. I'm interested to see what these could bring about.
-J

Two thumbs up! I love the interplay & passion you have between Trent & Rachel. Their banter & playfulness are wonderful. The dialog is spot on. I like the 2 sets of parents idea too. I can't wait to see what characteristics you give the kids. Keep up the great job!