MUST BE CONTINUED

Hey Ange! *bows* :)

Fandom blind.
Oh...shoot...you made me feel the feels. This story kept switching between cute and angst. Several times I felt pangs in my heart in the beginning then it was bittersweet. Then at the end it was bittersweet and cute.
Its very lovely.
I spotted a capitalization error or two but really you did well.
Overall? I am fandom blind. Yet...it haz the feels! Ugh! :)
Excellent job. Deserved to get picked. Congrats. :)
Kat.

Well deserved pick for the SAtC. Congrats! I am fandom blind, but that didn't really matter for this chapter.

This story was emotionally gripping. These lines really stood out to me as really heart jerkers:

"It wasn't a, "Let me help you," hug. It was deeper than that. It was a, "Please help me too," hug"

"But…" her words catch in her throat, until she manages to croak, "…she's gone.""

"The urge to cry. And it's as irresistible as the urge to breathe. And I break down. I fall down onto my knees, and the tears pour, flowing through the gates that had held them back for five long years"

Those lines show how emotionally charged this chapter/story is. By showing how they're still grieving, and how Link and Zelda need to lean on each other during what is always a terrible time.

The cliffhanger at the end pretty much guaranteed me reading the rest of the story.

I'm sorry this took me so long to review, but I'm glad I made the time.

Some nitpicks- I noticed during the conversation a lot of dialogue tags, but it wasn't a huge deal, just slightly distracting.

Other than that, it was well written, I look forward to reading the rest!

-Meagan

I'm so sorry it took me forever to review your rightfully rewarded story, Ange! I've been piled with school and wanting to write some stuff myself! (Pardon my selfish priorities... Hehe)

From what I've read, grief is the ultimate theme of this story. I think you intended this story to be relatable and believable even for the canon-blind readers like myself. You write so realistically, bringing out the scars and pain all humans feel. When people die, time does not magically heal others. Humans fall apart upon losing a loved one and are never built back together quite the same, which you clearly understand.

Zelda... I never realized what a deep character someone could write her as. The way she continuously ventilated throughout the chapter, I felt like I'd pass out. I felt her emotions and pain. Link, despite being her normal "lover" (from what I know of the video games) seems to be that neutral side friend who tells her what she HAS to hear, not what she wants to.

Amazing, Ange
-SoulsSwords

Congratulations on being named SAtC this week. I'm completely fandom blind, although I have heard of Link and Zelda, so I'll do my best to comment on the writing since I can't offer anything on the characters.

I completely buy into the story of love lost and the never-ending pain that comes from it. Five years may seem like a long time, but everyone has those small emotional triggers that come from doing such mundane things. Even ten years after the death of my grandmother, an object can bring up a memory so strongly that I feel like she is still with me. I think you described this well and even though batteries may have no emotional value by themselves, I can relate to Link's reaction to them.

I especially liked the rhythmic device of the breathing in and out as an introduction to the story and how you followed through with tha theme farther down in the story. That was well done and kept the pacing of an otherwise very normal scene at a high level.

I saw a couple of small nitpicking things that you may want to consider. I saw a shift from past to present tense a few times at the very beginning. I found that a little awkward, but it isn't necessarily something to change, if it was your intention.
You used the word pull or its derivatives a lot. I have words like that I use repeatedly, so you may want to consider looking at that.
The last thought is that in stream of consciousness writing, incomplete sentences are very useful, but it threw me out of your narrative a little, such as "So long since I'd let any of my true emotions out."

Anyway, thank you for this opportunity to read your work and again, Congratulations!

Hi Ange! Congrats on having your story picked for SAtC! As usual, I am fandom blind. But I didn't feel like I needed to be familiar with the fandom to read and enjoy this story.

The first part of the story was quite powerful. The main character, Link, seemed to be in this state of emotional emptiness due to the loss of his wife. It was like he was completely dead inside and all he could do was keep breathing and stay alive on the outside. I thought you portrayed those emotions well.

By the middle of the story, it seemed Link's pain finally caught up with him, and he had that urge to just break down, cry and scream. The end was quite emotional, with and Zelda comforting each other. It actually kind of made me want to cry too.

Even though the story has a lot of dialogue, I felt that there seemed to be enough description. And I thought the dialogue wasn't just meaningless conversing; it all added to the story and also the characterisation.

I'm actually quite interested in reading more of this story, even though I'm not familiar with the fandom, you have a great storyline and I don't know why but I like sad stories.

Well done! Keep up the great writing! :)

Jaz

Hiya Ange!

I don't know if I've ever told you this, but your writing is very mature for your age or any age. I applaud you on your ability to bring such mature emotions into your writing. In fact, when I first read this, I had the assumption that you were in college and maybe had been married before, maybe the same age as me (23.) Anyways, I love it...

This chapter had a perfect opening after last chapter. I like the fact that as soon as Link realizes that he's in love with Zelda, she decides to leave (cliche, maybe, but it works for everything.)

I would usually complain about a chapter like this, but I liked it. I do think that the midpart of the chapter needs some working on to be made stronger, but I think this was a perfect ending to a wonderful story. It was awesome.

I enjoyed this entire story. It's nice that they ended up married... or getting married, I should say... until you come out with a sequel that gives us the twist that Link is actually a crazy serial killer that murders his wives... after they help him through his troubles. lol. That'd be horrible and great at the same time.

Good job on the story!

Nitpicks:
One (comma, no semi-colon) the leaden, hollow feeling
And two (comma) I'm in love with Zelda.
Of course (comma) I will

Awesome job and tell me what story I should read and review next,
Until Next Time,
Neo

YO! What it do? Different intro to me this time.

I love this opening scene. Definitely not an easy way to open up a chapter because you're writing as someone who is watching the past unfold. It reminds me of my story on fictionpress where I have a character re-live her memories as someone watching - it was very complicated to write especially because it stayed in third person.

This is a nice way to show Link as he was and is now.. and how he met Tetra, what's changed, and how he feels about her. It was nice to see how both past and present Link's eyes still follow Tetra when she comes in.

I love the picnic scene because it works so well to show the difference of Link and his past self, how his heart breaks upon seeing the picnic in the tree, the reminder of what he'd lost... very strong scene.

I also like the fact that you don't give each scene the same attention but it slowly gets more rapid in the changing, only showing what is most important in those scenes.

The final scene with Tetra and Link is very touching. I loved it.
1. It's a tombstone, and it needs her birth and death day. lol. Probably to show that this story takes place not quite in the present but in the future...
2. From a movie. lol.
3. That he was in love with Zelda also.

I know I won't be getting a review off of those answers. lol.

Nitpicks:
girly (comma) sweet giggles

and at first (comma) I don't realize

Until Next Time,
Neo

Hi! Hi!

When I first met you, I started reading this story and promised I would continue... and I'm so sorry, I hadn't up until now when I'm doing this review tag! Your writing is wonderful. You feel have this feel and intensity when you're writing-it's amazing. I feel the drama and the pain that Link is going through, and you don't mistakenly allow him to say what she is thinking as some writers have the tendency to do.

Your first person perspective is perfect. I feel like I am in the head of Link, and there's no distance between he and I. I feel the confusion and scared-ness, and anger that he feels at himself, Zelda, and Tetra.

I want to see what happened to Tetra... and I love how you're keeping me in suspense to what exactly happened. Did she get sick and die, kill herself, was she murdered? I am so interesting in seeing what happened.

One of the little things that I loved was the breakfast scene where you allow me to see that Link is trying to act normal, his attention to details of the normalcy are there, keeping his shirt off because that was what he usually did, noticing Zelda watching the water come down his chest but trying to ignore it but then she just had to mention everything (like a normal person would) and the facade of normalcy broke and he could no longer just pretend everything was okay. I liked that.

Good job,
Can't wait to read more,
Until Next Time,
Neo

Nitpicks:
If you are going to keep it present tense in your writing first person:
I am holding Zelda, who (is) still crying.
Past tense: (I'd prefer)
I (was) holding Zelda, who was still crying.

my lips make contact with her('s) (comma) and I feel alive

At last, after hours of driving (comma) I pull back into the driveway.

His reaction to the silence is a bit drastic, but I wonder if that has to do with something deeper than just nerves.

I like the dream environment you've created for this chapter. The image of the colors of the cafe swirling together to create the hilltop where Link and Tetra had their first date was beautiful and creative. I wish you had done something creative with the other transitions as well, as the fade to black isn't as interesting.

It's interesting that you chose to have Link and Tetra on an island in the middle of the ocean at the end of his dream. I would have liked it if you had given us a more detailed description of this island, actually. Is it an archipelago? How large is the island? What's the weather like there? Is the ocean calm or is there turmoil? I suggest this because I'm not sure what the island is supposed to represent and I think that adding more description could go a long way to establishing your intent.

The biggest issue I have with this chapter is that it's so predictable. In fact the scene where Tetra and Link are having their first date on the hill with the tree seems to have been taken directly from Pixar's Up. As someone who is fandom blind, I have no idea what Link sees in Tetra other than that she's beautiful, which seems to be the only thing that attracted him to her in the first place.

However, I do like the resolution at the end. I like that Link finally accepts that it's okay to fall in love a second time and that he has room in his heart for both Tetra and Zelda.

So apparently I got Tetra confused with Zelda when I reviewed the last chapter. Oops. ._.

One thing I would suggest is to have Zelda lean forward while Link is frozen. See, Link made the decision to kiss her. If it was the other way around, with Link as the passive party, the central conflict of this chapter, which is Link's guilt and Zelda wanting him to move forward, would make more sense. This is a minor point, though.

On semi-related note, I feel that Link's decision to come to breakfast shirtless is a little out of place. This is something that he has always done because he was comfortable with Zelda and didn't see her as a romantic partner. Now that level of comfort has been shattered. He's very uncomfortable around Zelda due to his conflicted feelings. Having him wear a shirt to breakfast would be a subtle signal to Zelda that something is seriously wrong, because Link is breaking routine. It would also allow you to show visually how Link is closing himself off from her.

The dialogue is, unfortunately, very predictable. I do like the way Zelda deals with this situation though. She seems to understand how difficult this is for Link and, although the way he's acting has upset her, she decides to give him his space when he needs it. That's very selfless of her and I think the right thing to do. One bit of dialogue I did like was when Link said that Zelda can't pretend to know what Tetra would want. I think that was a good point.

This is another excellent story from you dealing with the theme of grief (I have reviewed Legolas before). The emphasis on breathing was a very creative way to open up this chapter. It paints a very accurate picture of the acute phase of grief when all you can do is just try to cope one moment at the time. I think the description of how Link dealt with Tetra’s funeral was realistic and very moving.
I liked the way how the descriptions of the everyday domestic life are interchanged with the emotionally charged scenes. Little snippets of information like who does the shopping, where batteries are kept or how the shower curtain looks like help to paint a full picture of the world that you have created for your characters. It does not feel like there are in a vacuum. Particularly important as it is AU.
The shower scene was again very well written. You have demonstrated Link’s emotions very well. He is a typical male and denies being upset. I like the way Zelda calls his bluff in a very sensitive manner and offers him emotional support.
I am looking forward to the next chapter of this story.

I like the emphasis on breathing. I especially liked how you pointed out, in a very dry tone, the other things Link did at the funeral, but to him it felt as though he was doing nothing except concentrating on his breathing.

You specify that Link and Tetra moved in together because of their grief. But the way that you explain this, it sounds like you're using what other people have said about them to describe their relationship. The thing is, people talk and they tend to assume the worst in others. It wouldn't seem unusual to me if mentioned other people thought they had shacked up together while having Link say that that wasn't the case. It would also emphasize how private grief is. Other people sometimes don't understand what you're experiencing and misinterpret your behavior.

I liked the way you explained the type of hug she was giving Link. Again, it says a lot about the nature of grief. I actually just finished writing a scene where two characters grieve and it nicely sums up my feelings on this emotion. I don't think you needed to end on a kiss, but I'm not gonna tell you how to write your romance. :P Great work!

I absolutely loved this story from start to finish. Having recently written a story in a first person narration, I know how difficult it can be to maintain the tenses and balance out how much you can actually "show." We are centered in Link's POV from the start of this story and only can know what Link's thoughts are, his feelings and his memories. You managed to totally capture that aspect and keep the flow moving wonderfully at the same time.

That you brought the story back to the beginning and the scene with the batteries was a nice touch, providing a bit of closure following the conflict it inspired initially. I also thought closing with the spirit of his first wife watching and wishing them well was a great touch, it closed off that part of Link's life and opened up a whole new chapter that has so many wonderful possibilities now to it.

((As I lay in bed, I realize two things. One; the leaden, hollow feeling in my chest is finally gone. And two; I'm in love with Zelda.)): I love the resolution here. You brought Link totally full circle right here, walked him a specific path between grief and growth and introduced how one can find love again when they least expect it. Perfect balance of how a story and character are supposed to be written, introducing the first conflict and building the tension before resolving that conflict and bringing the story to a new point and a new conflict until the end.

((She rings her hands in her lap.)): I actually thought that this conveys the nervousness you mentioned in the sentence right before it, but further reflection I also sense more of an inner conflict over simple nerves. And given how Zelda is pretty much about to tell Link she's leaving because of how strained their relationship has become, it's understandable. Throughout the other chapters it was obvious that she has feelings for Link, that it's not all snuggly friendly stuff going through her head. There is guilt, fear, grief, respect, sadness, and a slew of other emotions going through her as she struggles with what she's about to say. And wringing her hands symbolizes that struggle perfectly.

-side note: 'rings' should be 'wrings' I think. You are conveying anguish essentially in how Zelda is struggling with her decision to leave.

((I walk up to her, wrap one arm around her, bring my face an inch away from hers, and whisper, "I love you, Zelda Regale." And I close the last gap between our lips and kiss her.)): I so cheered right here, I ain't bashful to admit it! XD Beautifully poignant little moment that softens the heart and makes one go d'awww

((But what if she says no?' a nasty voice asks in the back of my head.)): this piece of doubt in Link's mind is something I see as being very much how a man might feel before proposing. This is a life changing moment, an undertaking of a great responsibility and for Link, a move into an area where he still has fears and doubts and lingering memories to deal with. It's very understandable and kinda charming in fact that he is so nervous. It shows he is taking this step very seriously and it is not a willy nilly decision he's made.

If I was going to nitpick anything here it would be how fast time tends to jump from the love confession, to the dating, to the actual proposal. I'd have loved to see these areas more fleshed out with more of a build to the final point, but that's more my desire than a point against you or the story.

In all this was a wonderfully written angst-hurt-comfort romantic piece. You totally nailed the first person narrative which again, and to me and from my personal experience, happens to be the most unforgiving POV to write in. You managed it beautiful and wrote a touching piece that was fantastic to read. Excellent job!

I love the angst in this chapter. Even in the years since Tetra's been gone, the emotions are still fresh for both Link and Zelda. Anyway, in all the raw pain and sorrow, it is completely understandable why the kiss happened. But then, the fact Link instantly feels guilty and pulls away at the rush of familiar emotions is very sad. I feel for Zelda as well; she wants to move on from all the pain, but Link's holding her back.

It's very sad that Link feels the need to run away. Really, it's more that he wants to get away from his emotions, but that's not going to happen. I think these two need therapy, but I'm not sure if that's going to happen.

I'm glad that Zelda finally approaches him, and I understand Link's anger, but it's not fair to Zelda. Again, I feel bad for her.

I noticed a few spots where you slip into past tense, so you might just want to double check your verb agreement.

I'd really love to see where this goes. I wonder if there will be any healing for these two. There's no way they have have a relationship, even a friendly one, with all the raw emotions still present. Well done. :)