Awww! The kind of story that Belle and Rumple should have until the end.

You are such a good author! Your OUAT fics make my one look like...well...pathetic! You are such a descriptive writer! Keep it up!

Sorry it took me so long to read and review this. Had some things that I had to take care of first.

I really liked this one. I haven't watched OUAT in awhile, but man, I need to get back to it. Did this story take place after Belle's memories left?

I really liked the characterization of Gold's character; he is one of my favorites. He and the evil Queen. haha. This is really short so I don't have a lot to say but good job.

I need to read a chapter story or a much longer, more dramatic piece from you soon. haha.

- Neo

I am desperately behind on OUAT, but I have to say I LOVE that show and Mr. Gold/Rumple and that's why I picked this to R&R. I love his conflicting emotions throughout this story. The reminders of Bae, of Belle, his obvious guilt over them both-all very, very in character for both parts of his personality. I also love how everything reminds him of Belle, and it's the little things-like that she would have reminded him to eat. And how he would have done so, just because she asked him. (Finding out that he was the Beast to Belle in canon is still one of my most favorite moments.)

The last paragraph is so poignant, how he reminds himself just what a great treasure Belle gave him and, though he doesn't come right out and say it, no one can take that from him. Not Cora, not Hook, no one. Since I'm behind in my viewing, I don't know yet if he gets to confront Hook, but I hope he does. Thanks for the sweet read. You should do more OUAT fics :)

Such nice work, dear! Lovely contrast between Cora and Rumple. I can only hope that the Rumple/young!Cora background will be explored to a larger extent this season, because what I saw in the second half of the Miller's Daughter didn't make any sense to me.
I had to ponder "he wondered if the pleas of a dying man had managed" but then you mentioned the phone and I thought back of the scene in which he calls her and I was like "DUH" :P
I hope you'll consider writing more Rum(belle) fics! :D

Hehe been reading a bunch of your one shots lately ;P

So I am sorta familiar with the Belle incident out of the episodes I did watch, but the starting paragraphs were a nice refresher for where this piece would fall in the timeline. And it's easy to imagine his surroundings (and the remnants of gore leftover, oohh...). Aww, I love how you have his thoughts lingering to the old times; you could feel how much he misses her, but at the same time with the solemn tone this piece carries, it has this underlying regret and vulnerability to it. He's supposed to be this powerful man, and this basically solidifies how he's not. Really nice. Another lovely piece to read, a nice moment of thought we don't get to see. :) (Been graduating a lot of your pieces lately haha) Cheers!

Tune

Fandom blind here, but I think I can find some things that I love. ;)

So it seems as though Mr. Gold had two girls after him; Cora and Belle. Out of these two, Belle loved him, just as he loved her. And it appears as though Cora wanted to kill him (if I read this correctly). It didn't happen, as she died instead...along with Bella. It's never explained how Bella died in this drabble, as well as how the poison got into Mr. Gold (again, fandom blindage).

However, even without knowing the canon, it didn't stop me from enjoying this one-shot! Again, you have such flawless writing tactics that kept me hook onto the story, wanting to know more about the mystery. And you did this all with no dialogue; again, kudos to you, since I absolutely love those stories!

In terms of SPAG, I think I spotted one mistake:

"...he couldn't help but shudder slightly at the memory of her touch on his forehead as he slowly bled to death."
-Shouldn't the last 'he' in the sentence be 'she' (unless I'm missing something...)

Other than that, everything else was amazing! Once again, I greatly enjoyed reading this fantastic one-shot! :)

Not being familiar with the show except in a general sense, I can't really comment on your depth of characterization or incorporation of plot/theme.

The main character in this piece comes across as exhausted, worn down.

As for the note at the top: I read through this piece before I noticed it. I had no trouble discerning that Belle was his girlfriend/a woman he loved without the note. If other readers have expressed confusion about that, by all means keep it, but I had no trouble there.

"He wondered if the pleas of a dying man had managed…"
I have no clue where that sentence is going. If I were familiar with the show, I imagine I would, but as a stranger to it, I'm left to wonder.

"As he ran his fingers through his wet hair, he couldn't help but shudder slightly at the memory of her touch on his forehead as he slowly bled to death."
Well done there. Good connection of physical memory to the physical present.

The last line reads like a promise. I like it.

SPAG:
"Light from the sunset streamed in through the stained glass window panes that embellished the front entrance to his home; he watched the colorful light reflect off of the handle of his cane."
Because you say light twice in such a short span of time, I would consider changing "colorful light" to "bright colors" or something similar.
"Or was this just a painful reminder of the fact that he'd found Bae and had not been able to even begin to receive the forgiveness that he so badly needed."
Should end in a question mark instead of a period.
"His gaze dropped down to his hands that began to unbutton his waistcoat."
Hmmmm...That "that" just strikes me as odd. If it were mine, I'd play around with it a bit, especially since the next sentence uses "that" again.
"His chest, revealed by the buttons that had been undone in an effort to give him some release from the pain, was obscured by a large amount of old blood, but there was no sign of a scar."
If this fic were mine, I'd change the phrasing around a bit, as you use the word "chest" one sentence before you use it there.
Pain- you use this word three times in this piece. Because this is so short, it stands out. If this were mine, I'd use try using other words like "ache/aching."

Warning: Fandom Blind.

Your writing is a little more wordy then I'm used to, full of description, so I've had to go back and read a little slower then I'm used to doing, which turned out to be a good idea with this piece. I'm going to say the bad first, and then get to the good.

I was somewhat confused for parts of this fic, likely because I'm fandom blind, but also because you jumped around and threw names around so quickly, and names that sounded alike, that I had to try to figure out who was who and that took me a while, and I still haven't quite got it. It got a little choppy when you mentioned a (woman?) named Cora, when it was, just a few lines ago, about Belle.

However, your writing itself was very thought out, and the descriptions were just lovely and vivid, so excellent job with the imagery. Your physical description especially was gorgeous, for example:

[His face was tired and drawn, his greying hair matted with dried sweat.] this was a very good line.

Also, your wide vocabulary was impressive and made the story that much better, so kudos for that. I also didn't pick up on any SPaG things, which is even better!

For starters, I know very little about this fandom. But I was drawn to the story because of the summary you gave. And I wasn't confuzzled by anything going on that I could not appreciate the beauty of this piece. Some lines I really want to point out are:

((The poison infecting his bloodstream had taken away his appetite, to say the least))-I find myself curious about how he got poisoned and what type of poison that it is. Is it a show specific arc or something you thought up for the purpose of this story? I am curious about this awesome plot twist and will likely imagine all sorts of situations in which this poison got into his system.

((he gestured his hand over the shirt, undoing the buttons in a smooth motion.))- I like the mixed representation of normal human gestures and magic here. It's very subtle and something easily overlooked if one isn't paying attention to it. Nicely done.

((A woman who had not been willing to love him. A woman who had gone so far as to actually rip out her own heart to keep herself from him. A woman who had come to kill him, but not without letting him know the truth. A truth that was not worth knowing.))-Powerful representation of someone afraid to give themselves to love. I know Cora is one of the baddies (the red queen?), and that she'd be willing to cut out her own heart (being the red queen, if I am thinking correctly) in order to avoid loving someone just smacks of someone severely damaged psychologically, or who is that twisted by evil. Either way (and including if I'm wrong or right here), this is a very telling character point.

((The phone that had resulted in the theft of Bae's shawl. The phone that had made him aware of Hook's presence in the town. The phone that reminded him that Hook's presence had taken her from him.))-love the representation of (as well as the repetition of) the phone being a living entity that was able to cause harm as much as it could bring help.

((Because he knew that Belle had given him something that Cora never could: Belle had given him her love.))-Awesome way to show how Belle is not the twisted and evil woman that Cora is, that she is capable of loving and of Irving him the one thing he needs seemingly: her belief in him.

In sum, I really enjoyed this story and am more intrigued by this fandom the more stories I read from this fandom. Amazing job Giry!

. For the Reviewathon. [I'm fandom-blind here, so I like how you've made a few things clear for your readers! That's a really good idea. :) ]
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I really adore how well you show Mr. Gold's apparent relief in the first sentence. I also liked the description of the light peering through the stained-glass window panes, since to me, it symbolises a bit of hope. He seems relieved about something, so maybe there is hope for whatever it is that's worrying him. :)

Another part I loved was this one: [The poison might have left his body, but the weakness in his bones threatened to topple him. ] There's a mentioning of him once being on a battlefield, so for me, this reminds me of the psychological state battle could have left him in. He might havbe left the battlefield now, but the injuries, both physical and psychologial, still appear to remain. Not sure if that was what you were trying to convey, but I think it worked!

Ah, so it's literal poison! I thought that was metaphorical at first. :P I think that the way you make it so so tense is great, the way that Mr. Gold seems to get caught up in his thoughts, only brought back by the smell of the blood on himself or, seemingly, by remembering the poison in his body.

[her touch on his forehead as he slowly bled to death.] I like how this sentenvce moves from softer-sounding words to plosive 'd's and 'b's, as I found it to be very dramatic. :)

Aww, that ending was so sweet. Even amongst the horrific bleeding-to-death, he still thinks about Bella, and how much she'd given him. I found the ending very sweet. :)

I have no critique/ suggestions for this story. Keep up the good work! :D

First of all, Belle and Rumple are my OTP. They're just so gosh darn cute, ugh. Feelings.

I thought it was interesting that you decided to write a scene from Rumple's P.O.V. when he's alone after he managed to get rid of Cora and heal himself. He seems regretful that he caused her to die because he loved her once, and he knew that she loved him. It shows the readers that he has doubts and feels the same emotions and regrets that any other person does, and it's a side of himself that he doesn't show to anyone except Belle. This introspection we see from him also really makes the mentions of Belle seem more poignant, because even though he's expressing a side he would only show to her, she's not there because of Hook.

I also thought the parallel between Belle and Cora was interesting too. You mention both of the women he had loved (excluding Millah), and also present some of their differences in the way he thinks about them - Belle is caring; and Cora ripped out her heart so she wouldn't be weakened by love. The imagery that you present by Rumple casting the shirt aside, the last remnants of Cora, is very powerful. She's finally dead and gone and he's physically casting off her presence and moving on.

And last of all, your description is so vivid and beautiful! I feel like I'm right in the scene with Rumple, seeing what he's seeing and remembering what he's remembering. Really excellent piece.

This is a beautifully written piece. Not knowing the TV show at all, I was taking your imagery from scratch - your colours, the mention of the cane, a waistcoat, poison and magic took me back a few hundred years to an earlier age, so the mention of the cellphone and airport security felt distinctly odd to me. Not that you should consider this a criticism at all - this piece is all about Mr. Gold's emotional and physical state, and that took centre stage.

There is more to your detail than is on the surface - for example, [Holding his cane firmly in his right hand, he took a tentative step, using his own weight to assist in the painful task of shifting forward. The cane held. Reassured, he slowly limped toward the bedroom.] - told us as much about his emotional vulnerability and insecurity as it did his physical state.

[Belle's face smiled up at him from inside the frame on his dresser top.] - such a simple touch, and intriguing, since he tries to shut out the ghosts of her presence from the rest of the house, but somehow the frame around the picture confines her image from reality, so it cannot hurt him.

There was only one phrase that didn't seem to work so well, at least for me: [Eyes caught sight of his exhausted form in the mirror, and he paused, allowing his hands to rest on the bed.] - it almost feels like there are someone else's eyes catching sight of him.

But other than that, despite not being familiar with the setting and the intricate details of all the offstage characters mentioned, this was an engaging piece, and a pleasure to read.

I know of this show, but only watched a couple episodes at the beginning so little canon details like about the Bae is lost on me, but the crux of the piece still comes across. I definitely got a sense for how much Belle meant to Mr. Gold. The emotions shown through. Your attention to detail was especially great. It really helped to paint the scene vividly in my mind down to his exhaustion and labored movements. Very good job of a showing-type of description. The fact that Belle cared for him is known not just because he tells us that Belle had given him her love but in the details like how she would've wanted him to eat. Critique-wise, there were just a couple sections where the sentences felt a bit repetitive because it was the same construction in a row like here:

/He found himself in need of a little bit of physical motion to take his mind off of things.
He cast the shirt aside and made his way toward the bathroom; he was eager to wash the filthy gore from his body./
- (All beginning with he verb)

Since it's just narrative description of his actions there, the repetition didn't come across as poetic or used for emphasis, so it did stick out a lot for me.

Overall, this was well-written little piece that came across quite poignantly.

First of all, I think you write well from Rumple's POV. I really felt like I was IN his head, which is always a great thing as a reader. Lines like this one:

"The memories had been coming thick and fast ever since the moment he'd realized he'd have to remove his talisman in order to get to Baelfire. The blasted airport security… it'd been enough to nearly bring him to his knees, to make him forget. If it weren't for Emma…"

Do a great job of telling us a lot of story information while also clearly conveying his frustrations and somewhat scattered thoughts.

And then lines like this:

"He shook his head, pushing her from his mind. Holding his cane firmly in his right hand, he took a tentative step, using his own weight to assist in the painful task of shifting forward. The cane held. Reassured, he slowly limped toward the bedroom."

This is great - you could have just said that he limped his way to the bedroom, but by stepping it out into each individual action (he took a tentative step) and the thought that went with it. (The cane held) really helps us as readers feel like we're in the story looking at the world through your main character's eyes.

I did have one line that I found a little confusing - I mean, I think I know what it is saying but I wasn't quite sure. That's this one:

"Unable to make his fingers finish the task, he gestured his hand over the shirt, undoing the buttons in a smooth motion."

I think he's using magic to unbutton the shirt, but it doesn't quite come across that way. What I think would work would be to state it as an observed thing, rather than say "undoing the buttons". So something like "he gestured his hand over the shirt and the buttons undid themselves" -er...something like that.

But that's really only my minor quibble. Otherwise I felt fully engage in the story and grounded in Rumple's angst and distress. Well done!