You ignored yugi ,yami, and for that you shall pay

that was such a sweet ending

aawww I'm glad everything worked out happily :)

I like your plot, however your grammar needs some work (I strongly recommend commas and spell check, maybe get a beta) also please get your past, present and future tense straight, it is confusing when those are mixed up. Your story is jumping from place to place and it seems a bit rushed. The flow of the story isn't quite smooth as you keep jumping a but. This story could be a lot better if you add more details, fix your grammar, keep it in a better story flow and make it longer. Now you don't have to take my advice as I may be younger then you (not telling my real age!) but I'm very sharp and quick on grammar although some things do slip by me. If you go on my profile and check there wouldn't be a single fanfic, I have attempted to post something but the idea was scraped. Instead I write stories (not fanfictions). Ok I'll give you a rating just to let you know I'm a very hard rater and it's very hard almost impossibel to get a 5 out of 5 from me, much less a 3 out of 5. Even the published and popular books might get a 2.5 out of 5 me. Your rating for this fanfic is 1.90 out of 5 ( hats a good score coming from me). Also one extra tip use descriptive language a dictionary or the Internet may help. By the way I'm not trying to out you down just help if any of this has hurt your feelings I'm sorry and please P.M if it does.

nice one

this is good but could be so much better it seems to be all over the place and notflowing right but the plot is really great although i do not like how Atem is acting

poor Yugi can i give him hugs

Stories cool, though your grammar could do with some work. I know, I kinda notice most grammar mistakes, and everyone makes them, even me. so don't worry, I'm just saying there are times when you use the wrong word because they sound the same. And your punctuation isn't that great either. Loved the story though

omg! love the story so far. I was waiting for Yugi to stand up for himself and when he finally did yami slapped him. I seriously want to kill all of them for ignoring poor Yugi... oh well... still a great heart-wrenching(in a good way) story

You should add more puctuation marks, I think the plot's good though. •

Maybe you could get a beta to check for grammar mistakes and spelling? I was getting a headache reading this (no offense)

Crystal: This chapter was cute!
Sapphire: The ending was cute!
Ashley: Good job Rose!

Sapphire & Ashley: (nodding heads) Nice.
Crystal: I'm glad that they didn't jump. Good chapter.

Ashley: What?
Crystal: Did they jump?
Sapphire: I hope not. Good chapter.

I really wanted to slap Yami and the others but now i want to kill him! I feel really bad for Yugi. :( *sobs*

Great story! I can't wait see read what happens next! :)