They are way hot together, yet still so sweet.

Awww how sweet!3
Herii thinks that this fic should keep on going more chapters instead not just one scene or one-shots but more Herii likes this story!

I'm not a cruel critic but I didn't really like the ending. It felt rushed and too cliche.

The beginning, however was really good. It started off as a typical fanfiction between these two; in the room. However, little details that you incorporated into it changed up the "cliche-ness". You know, like the fact that he sat on the end of the bed leaning against the OPPOSITE wall as Yukio. The way he fell asleep and moved to lay between his brother's legs, head on his stomach. They were different than the details of a lot of other fanfictions about these two.

The ending came way too sudden and turned from the great writing in the beginning to cliche yaoi endings. I'm really talking about what happened itself because most yaoi, good, bad and the best end in near similar ways. I'm speaking more in depth of the writing style that seems to emerge in the majority of yaoi fanfictions. It seems the writers get all flushed and tend to try and rush through their endings, not focusing on how they write the smut scene and more focusing on how to finish. There are ways to draw out the scene by either focusing on the real details and not spilling out just exactly what they are doing or to make it really detailed; almost illegal.

I'm not pretending to be an expert in writing, but over some years I have figured out what our fangirls and fanguys look for in a fanfiction. I just want to give you some advice.

SwampyGreenie

i think i had a nose bleed...but it was so worth it! i loved it!

Evil Ed 666 wrote something almost exactly like this. Could you tell me who wrote this first, please?

:) Kawaii -MnM

3

So cute story. I liked how much love they shared!