I have one idea that would make this slightly better, make the paragraphs shorter, it's quite hard to read and when someone is talking write it like this.

"Hello"
"How are you?"
"Good and yourself?"
"Cant' complain"

Just an idea, but other than that it was good :)

This story has SO much detail! I absolutely love reading it! Please update soon, this is so good!

Really cool chapter! Is this going to be a romance story? If so, what would the pairings be? Anyways, this story is really neat! Please post the next chapter soon!