I hope you will finish this story, even though I know it has been a while.

Good story, thanks so much for sharing your work!

I know it's been a long time since you've updated this story, but I'm really anxious to know how it ends. I have to know if Chet's going to be okay. Please finish.

Rachel

I know it's been a while, but will this get finished? Pretty please.

Oh man! What a cliffhanger! I certainly hope that Chet and Marco are OK. Karen was certainly surprised to find meals in her freezer and that her kitchen cleaned. Looking forward to seeing what happens next.

"Officially flipping out" , eh? hehehehehe

I agree that the rewrite is better, there's more emotion and the character seems more fleshed out, so good job. One of the things that makes an OC a Mary Sue or Marty Stu is the lack of actual development of the character, the writer throws an OC into a story to be the perfect counterpart to the canon characters, but they don't invest any time into actually making the OC something worth reading. Keep going in this style and Karen will move away from being a Mary Sue and start to be herself.

Regarding the updated and rewritten Chapter 5 - This is much better; good job.

I was the 'guest' who asked who Karen is. Thank you for clearing that up, Waikiki23, I wasn't aware that she is a recurring OC of yours. Carry on, lol.

My problem isn't the OC, it's the lack of actual development of her or any of the other characters. The idea that Karen is so suddenly depressed by her issues seems like it was thrown in because that's what the other female OC stories that flood this site do. The female OC has a severe problem with depression and the canons try to save her. Even Karen admits she's not sure why she feels this way and it sounds like the author is admitting the same thing. A nice switch would've been seeing Karen remain upbeat throughout her healing process, rather than diving into the predictable muck of self-pity and depression.

Karen COULD be a good character if the author invested some time and effort into fleshing her out. In reading this story and some of the others, there is a distinct lack of emotions in any of the characters, therefore the story(s) read flatly one-dimensional. There's too much "tell" and not enough "show". Don't TELL us that the characters are sad, SHOW us they're sad through their actions or descriptions. For a better explanation of what I'm talking about, google "show vs. tell" and some insightful articles should come up.

I hope you're not changing direction due to the sometimes ignorant and poorly constructed hissy fits that are frequently & erroneously billed as "constructive criticism" around here. It's been an unfortunate development, over the years, that inexperienced critics cry "Mary Sue" every time there's an OC, particularly so when the OC is female. Your honest admission that your character's medical condition is following the course of a personal expirience could only serve as the dripping scabbard to those blissfully uninformed few who wouldn't know Mary Sue if she jumped up and bit them.

I might have to reevaluate after you've completed additional chapters, but this last one felt rushed and pressed to explain away the silly "Mary Sue" indictment when I read it. I enjoy occasionally seeing the canon characters through the lens of a different character, and that character's experiences. OC's can perform a great expository function, revealing all sorts of tasty information & observations, without the sometimes glossed over 'bridge-jumping' exposition itself. A well developed OC can also give us the opportunity to see our favorite characters develop or change in a plausible manner.

One thing that I've liked about your OC, so far, is that she's simple and believable, and the canon characters react to her in a manner that's in keeping with both the show and the time period. Nobody kept a bedside vigil (forsaking all familial bonds), and yet, the men of 51 behaved like vested colleagues would in visiting her, and even waiting around (moral support) while she went for a short procedure. It certainly is in keeping with the show that we hear a good deal about her case and condition from the Rampart staff.

I also wanted to say that I'm glad that you're giving your OC the opportunity to tell a real story. Using an event from your own life allows you to write intimately. I'll reiterate, using a real life personal experience does not a Mary Sue make, by default. It simply gives you the ability to write authoritatively about that experience that your character can give new life to.

Long story short, your Karen character has been good, so far. My unsolicited (so take it or chuck it) advice is to not try to dehumanized her by attempting to prove who she isn't. My advice is entirely selfish, though, becomes I'm determined not to like her as much if she becomes stilted or stereotypical "Not Mary Sue" filler. I look forward to reading more.

I'm not the original guest poster you're targeting, but wow, do you need an attitude adjustment. You post on a public site that lets reader leave honest feedback. If it bothers you that someone pointed out what they thought was a problem in your story, then don't post on here.

Your Karen character IS a Mary Sue, I hate to tell you. Want proof? Just read the story and realize how focused the canon characters are on the welfare of this OC. This isn't really anything about "Emergency!", this is about the Rampart staff and the crew of Station 51 angsting over your OC.

Your Karen suddenly develops a depressive state because she has endured a lost toenail and a big pimple on her leg. Should we be worried if she develops a hangnail? What about a paper cut? I didn't realize major depression was a side effect of a lost toenail and an abscess, that seems so oddly out of place and unreal. And of course, all the canon characters are so concerned about her. But we all know she is going to die anyway, thanks to the overly melodramatic (yet strangely emotionless) death story you wrote a few years back. Is her lost toenail and abscess going to be the lead-in to her cancer?

You go get 'er, Cap!

Oh my. I wonder what is going on with Karen. I hope the guys can get through to her.

So let me get this straight. The crew of Station 51 has nothing better to do with their free time than go sit at the bedside of your Mary-Sue? They don't have families to tend to on their days off? Wow, are their lives sad and pathetic. They all seem pretty attached at the hip as well if they all had to go in to see your Mary-Sue at the same time, rather than staggering visits throughout the day. I hate to ask if they all go use the restroom at the same time as well. They're adult men, not kindergartners. They all had different lives that didn't revolve around your Mary-Sue.