Aw this was so cute and so good. Thanks

Very goooooood!

Nice.

omg! hot! and so cute...i wish there was more...

The story was amazing! I hope to read more like it

Love.

I love it! Very well written, well done!

Sequel?

This is the second

Loved it! Perhaps you would consider a sequel? If the little inspiration bug bites ya.

Fantastic I love it

Hey, nice story. Lots of lemon ;-)

Just a 2 things to say : don't use acronym (w/ in place of with ; & in place of and) because it "breaks" the text. Also, don't write huuuuuge paragraph that is so really hard to read (it happened in chapter 1 and 2, but chapter 3 was perfect ;-)

Other than that, it would have been nice to have more "story", or at least, a little bit more plot ;-)

Thank you for writting this story, until next time

I have to agree that it seems like you could use a beta reader, or maybe a read through, there were some places where I thought there needed to be comma's, or perhaps two sentences instead of one. It was pretty good though, for right of the top of your head.

It could be better paced, but since this is your first I wouldn't be too hung up about it. But I would work on your rhythm and pacing for future endeavors, I read plenty of PWP's in which there is excellent pacing and rhythm, so it can be done. Good Luck and keep writing.

Considering this is your first fanfic, I am very, very impressed! :D
As a major smutty/yaoi fangirl I loved reading every word! Very hot ;)

A few things I would improve on are the slight spelling mistakes (But hey, every story has at least some of those), but there are very few so that's good :3
Also, instead of having really long paragraphs I'd suggest breaking them up a bit, just so they're easier for the viewers to read.

Other than that, I REALLY enjoyed this fic and am looking forward to more of your work!
Keep it up! :)

Hello! Just thought I'd drop by and let you know that I loved this! That was just fabulous. Keep it up!