Excellent story, please update soon.

Okay, I'm ready to do this. Before any tears are shed or curses at me are shouted out with rage, if this feels like I am being cruel, I'm trying not to be; I'm trying to help you. Here goes.
1) "Chanced of secend" I don't even know what that means.
2) Whenever someone else begins to speak, a new paragraph is formed.
3) You must always capitalize the letter "i". You see, unless you are speaking of the letter itself or the imaginary number, "I" is a name, and it's the name of a person. You capitalize people's names, so capitalize I.
4) "said worry." When speaking about how something is done, you use an adverb. In this case, the sentence should be, "Angel said worriedly."
5) I'm not quite sure if you're writing in past tense or present tense. The following quote is your sentence, and then my editing to put it in either past tense OR present tense. The story must be in one or the other. I have only edited tense, not anything else in this entry. "Everyone step out..." (yours) "Everyone stepped out..." (past) "Everyone steps out..." (present)
6) It's not "strips", it's "stripes".
7)You don't need a dash between oh and no, but you DO need to capitalize them. You don't need to start a new paragraph, however. A new thought is the same thing as a new speaker of dialogue. However, if the thinker is the same person as the speaker, then it's just a continuation of his/her words.
8) Please use dialogue punctuation. I'm afraid that I'm just too frustrated to write a tutorial for this one, but Google has it.
9) Tai Chi is capitalized, and so is the name of each character.
10) It was jarring for you to describe the activator after you said what it was. Please use description better. For example, you could've instead wrote, "white activator". (BTW, we are wondering why her activator is white.)
11) Don't say hoho. It's not canon, and just looks really stupid.
12) Hwa fire, not haw fire.
13)Who, not whoe.
14) Secret, not scecent.
15) Hak, not Haw.
16) Made, not maded.
17) Making, not makeing.
18) Angel is about to become a Mary Sue. If that happens, you WILL lose readers.
Okay, there is probably more errors *cringe*. However, I'm tired and frustrated. Therefore, I will post my review before I begin to flame you.

Where do I start...

You are really good

I hate to be mean, but Angel is a bit Mary-Sue-ish. And, Rai does have a heart.

Does Finn know?

Love your story:)

Poor Angel please updated soon

Can you let her meet Rai and have a crush on him and Sena gets jeoules.