Marvelous read! Very well thought out! It was excelently portrayed and the sentence structure flowed quite nicely! Although I will point out that some of the dialoug was confusing to keep up with. Often writers (including myself) will space out the dialoug and seperate it from the naration to make it easier to read. But this is your story and you're free to do as you please with it! Still enjoyed and I hope to see more of it soon!