Oh, wow...

That was pretty amazing.

Mio&Ritsu as old grannies were really endearing to read. They really do seem like themselves; even after all those years.

Although it isn't common for Ritsu to say such sweet things; it fitted the moment perfectly.

You pulled off the second person perspective rather well, too.

Good job!

Even though I am a 19 year old guy I can still cry as hard as a child who lost their teddy. You may not consider yourself such a writer ad the fact that english is not your primary language is something to be proud of. In your secondary language you out perform people who barely reach this kind of emotional level. Halfway through this story I couldn't help but let go and cry for abit. Its so beatiful yet endearing because their love never died and Mio wasnt sad but rather happy about hte memory of Ritsu. The main things that have made me cry are Clannad Angel Beats and a rather unknown visual novel called Katawa Shoujo. I dare say this story is among those giants in my mind. It was effortless to get me all teary eyed like an idiot lol. I love this story and look forward to reading the rest of the stories you posted on here. Fantastic Work as expected and bravo for your accomplishment of revealing such emotions. There is a song by a girl named Imogen Heap where the lyric that stands out in my mind is "Music is worthless unless it can make a complete stranger break down and cry". I feel like despite this being a story it completely embodied that. Again amazing work and I thank you for that experience :)

God. I swear it was like that: "...and decided that it would be best to bury Grandma beside her wife's grave and had a new gravestone made for the two of them..." I breath and start to cry, hahahahaha. It was so spontaneous. I was so sad because firs, they were not together 'cuz of the death, and second, because Mio then died. But it's perfectly normla.

I liked very much. I wouldn't minded the pawould have liked if you had put some more memories about her life together, like the fluffy ones you put; but these you wrote were perfect, you could feel all the love they had.

Yep, so bye, bye. I gotta work, but maybe these days I will read your other stuff. See ya!

oh my D': this was... beautiful

The flow of the story is really great, and i particularly like the smoothness of the transitions. Each segue into the flashbacks, present, and eventually the flashforward was handled really well, complementing the plot points

One criticism i have is slight repetition at some parts. Mostly while in the second person

perspective. I noticed a tendency to begin most paragraphs with thr word "you", which can get. noticable.

Lastly, I'd have to say some of the dialogue seems forced. Not so much thr character intention as the actual wording. Fot instance, Ritsu was uncharactristically verbose regarding the flower/vegetable garden. I had a hard time imagining her conversating so smoothly and eloquently when she's just casually chatting.

Rei suffered the same fate while explaining every detail of drumming. It's not so much that i don't believe Ritsu wouldn't fret ovet a garden or Rei wouldn't get excited about drumming... more that Ritsu would speak differently, and Rei would probably know the word for drumming.

Hope this has helped!

The flow of the story is really great, and i particularly like the smoothness of the transitions. Each segue into the flashbacks, present, and eventually the flashforward was handled really well, complementing the plot points

One criticism i have is slight repetition at some parts. Mostly while in the second person

perspective. I noticed a tendency to begin most paragraphs with thr word "you", which can get. noticable.

Lastly, I'd have to say some of the dialogue seems forced. Not so much thr character intention as the actual wording. Fot instance, Ritsu was uncharactristically verbose regarding the flower/vegetable garden. I had a hard time imagining her conversating so smoothly and eloquently when she's just casually chatting.

Rei suffered the same fate while explaining every detail of drumming. It's not so much that i don't believe Ritsu wouldn't fret ovet a garden or Rei wouldn't get excited about drumming... more that Ritsu would speak differently, and Rei would probably know the word for drumming.

Hope this has helped!

That was very sweet. Not OOC at all. I only have one gripe.. You left me wanting to read more! Great job :)

I almost cried... And it's really rare. Maybe because I'm tired? Or maybe because your story is... Wow.

At some point the girl was called Satomi instead of Rei? Is it normal?

Well, it was a wonderful story. Really warm and beautiful. They really were Ritsu (even if she doesn't say much) and Mio.

Thanks a lot!

It's sweet :) they're still together until their old age! And well it's kinda sad too :( but it does have a happy ending so all is good!

Aw dammit, I actually cried while reading this. I guess I'm a highly emotional person; I was also listening to a sad song at the same time.

I enjoyed it a lot, and for English not being your first language, it was pretty darn good. Loved it.

Great work!

This truly was a beautiful story! It made me cry at the end! I could totally picture everything. You described things so wonderfully. I could only imagine the pain Mio had in her heart despite acting brave and waiting for the moment when she could be with the other half of her soul again. And Ritsu! It made me wonder what went through her mind when she realized she was going to leave Mio...perhaps you can write another story through Ritsu's eyes until she died and then meets Mio again? I'd like to know what she was doing while she was waiting for Mio to come back to her. :) Once again, a beautiful story and I cannot wait to read more from you! (Grammar wise, I didn't really find anything wrong, some tensing was a bit awkward at times but nothing major. For it not being your first language, I think you got the English done quite well.) Keep up the fantastic work and I look forward to more Mitsu! 3 O.L. 7:28PM 4/25/11