Why do you keep apologizing for short chapters then keep posting...short chapters? And why are you taking up word count apologizing for them in the first place?

I like the start to this. Follows canon save for a few BIG changes.

looking forward to reading more.

TGM

Fantastic story

It's not the "perfect" bathroom, it's the "prefect" bathroom! I can't stand this anymore - your writing sucks big time.

Doofus, the spell is Sonorus, not Soronus. You need a beta badly!

The headmistress of Beauxbatons is Madame Maxime, not Maxine. Get it right!

It all went well so far, but since 9-10 chapters Harry is producing durty words just like Dark Lord dark curses. He is also really unstable a lot and not wise. Sorry, I just got this impression. However, I liked the way you have written the storry in first 8 chapters.

Good

Hi,

You're not being consistent within your own story. As of the wand weighing scene, Harry advised Rita that he and Sirius owned the majority of the Prophet. If that was true, there is no way that she would have written the story regarding the love triangle.

The overarching issue that I have with this story is that you stated the initial change - Sirius is free and has a recent, but significant role in Harry's life, then proceeded to retell fourth year as per the original storyline. As of chapter 20, it has begun to feel like you're trying to stuff a square peg into a round hole.

Three examples immediately come to mind.

a) Harry taking divination - there is no way that Sirius would have allowed Harry to take that, or probably Care either. He'd have had Harry transfer.

b) entry into the TWT without a serious fight.

c) letting the issue about Snape ratting out the prophecy, or Barty Jr. being in the castle go. He'd use the power of his newspaper against Senior and Snape. I cannot see how he would allow DD to talk him into simply letting it go.

The point I'm making is it is good fanfiction to clearly state a diversion point in chapter one of a story. You barely did that, but clarified the circumstance of Black's freedom by about chapter 4. It is great fanfiction to allow the effect of the diversion point to radically (but logically) change the story.

Everyone has a first story, but there are no rules stating that you can't go back and make changes after it has been posted.

All the best,

Crow

Hi,

As a suggestion, you might consider removing the ANs from your completed stories. Unlike most Storytellers, you're at least not using them to insert clarifying information that should have been embedded into the story. That said, they tend to be describing future chapters and apologizing for the length or content of the current chapter.

There is a sign that is frequently posted in better restaurant kitchens - "If you're not proud of it, don't serve it." I believe that the concept holds equally true to FF stories.

All the best,

Old-Crow

Merechieftainess (a word not in any spell checker, but "chieftain" is)

I assume that "clashed wonderfully" was an attempt to say "brilliantly complemented".

Ten points to SlytherinNinjaKnight for proper use of "plethora".

No silly rendition of a French accent, good!

This was very well done. I really like the little notes of who noticed what about different individuals. It is too bad Harry's friends won't be able to train with him. I look forward to more of this story. pms