One thing I love about this story is that while Bella doesn’t accept Edward back easily, she’s never really been angry with him. Or, well, she never considers not wanting to be with him. It’s very in character. I was really nervous about the Edward bashing feel from the rest of the Cullens, but again, I’m glad Bella at least stays pro-Edward.

I feel uneasy about the underlying commentary about medication. I do appreciate that Carlisle advocates for it and is pretty objective, and of course Bella’s feelings make perfect sense. I suppose I have my own traumas of having to work and live very closely with some people who desperately needed medication to manage their anxiety and depression. They said the same things Bella did—they didn’t want to get addicted to anything or depend on it. It was incredibly frustrating on my end because they weren’t aware how dysfunctional they actually were, and because they were unwell, I exhausted myself trying to comfort and support them emotionally while juggling the work they were unfit to do. In essence, I was the medication. It was too much for me to carry. I did eventually convince them to try it; both were immensely helped by it. But their initial refusal to consider anything was, while understandable, actually based in deep seated prejudice against anything related to mental health. That prejudice was not without a price to themselves or to those around them.

That was a lot of disclosure on my part for a random are viewer, but I guess my thought is that people reading this—I wonder if any of them are influenced to agree with Bella, and I wonder if the demonization of mental health facilities in this story isn’t reinforcing bad stereotypes for people. I understand that this was kind of where the story went, and it needed to be a sucky hospital to have allowed the creep orderly, but the social commentary is still there. I just find myself concerned. I appreciate that Carlisle so painstakingly educated readers and Bella alike on what exactly PTSD is; in a way it almost seems as if Carlisle is a tool for positive commentary on psychiatry. As I reader though I don’t believe his impact comes close to displacing Bella’s influence on the message about mental health in this story.

I do support Bella staying off meds for depression seeing as hers was entirely situational. She’s very capable of being happy as long as Edward is there. Meds to handle the anxiety related to her PTSD make a bit of sense, but because she’s doing well, again that makes sense. My other objection however is Carlisle’s thinking that it’s a risk to Bella at her age. Many doctors I’ve spoken to have agreed that while suicidal thoughts are correlated with suicidal thoughts, it’s very unlikely that it’s causal. People who take psych meds are exactly the type of population that would be having suicidal thoughts regardless. Also if someone hates the idea of taking medication but is pressured or forced into it, their own negative stereotypes of mental health problems can come back to bite them again as those feelings of distrust and even disgust come to be reflected at themselves. Over-medicating someone with certain kinds of drugs could also result in feeling totally numb which could exacerbate suicidal thoughts; lots of medications don’t have this effect however. Basically, although there are warnings for these meds that they’ll cause suicidal thoughts, both I and the medical professionals I work with find the idea absurd. I find it unlikely that Carlisle would be ignorant of that fact.

One final qualm: everyone tells Bella not to cry once she starts. This bothers me. For those who need to express emotions to process them, it’s very unhealthy for them to suppress tears or sadness. Like with PTSD which requires trusted people to be there and experience the trauma again with them, as opposed to enduring the memories and flashbacks alone, sadness needs to be confronted and felt to be let go of. I know it’s just something people say automatically, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

For me to be this motivated to nitpick the presentation of mental health here, however, there had to be an actual presentation of mental health in the first place. Thank you for daring to cover these topics at all. And again, I really appreciate how much you’ve obviously researched or know yourself personally.

Hi I’m loving this story so far. I just want to point out some things about Bella’s hospital treatment.

1: Electroshock therapy isn’t painful. You mentioned sedation but still. Also I don’t believe they shave hair either. When they administer it, It induced seizures that basically “scramble” well worn pathways in the brain, making it easier to shake off sadness and develop happier, healthier thought patterns. It truly can be life changing. My older brother is alive today because of it. It’s not barbaric or cruel; it’s actually the gold standard for treating depression and the last hope many suicidal people have. I can understand that it doesn’t exactly seem that way, though.

2: Bella was at the hospital long enough that her medications wouldn’t have made her nauseas for long. When they administer meds like that, they normally move very slowly. After the initial week or two of nausea, increasing the dose doesn’t cause nausea in my experience. I also think that realistically speaking Carlisle wouldn’t have cut Bella off so abruptly. Like you wrote, withdrawal is painful. Considering how fragile she was, realistically he would have been reducing the dosage so she wouldn’t feel the withdrawal at all. I say this all as someone who takes lots of medications for anxiety and depression which have made an amazing difference. I’ve seen several friends, my brother, mother, and sister go through the same process.

I am really impressed how factual a lot of it is, though. The memory being messed up definitely is a thing. It’s very well written, and I’m glad that Bella isn’t partaking of the Edward bashing. Yet at least.

You literally just repeated fifty shades of gray in all the sex scenes

No more nicknames!

Enough with the nick names!

I dislike the choice and use of nicknames

You don’t see anyone else with an iPad.

Bella’s being overdramatized

It’s very well thought out in each perspective

What about Edward hearing others thoughts?

“As long as Victoria was free I should’ve stayed with BellaEdward

Ah DUH! But nooo he had to go shop for human props. Smh

That is why you shouldn’t be playin human in a vamp world. Hope the Cullens learn

No one would understand the absolute pain that leads to suicide, better than Esme. I loved every word she spoke to Bella. And Bella is starting to have hope again because of it. Tears falling over here. Great chapter!

I love the interaction between Rose and Bella. I admit I got a bit misty-eyed there.
I'm glad the pixie apologized; she always gets her way and it was great to see Bella stand up to her and set her straight.

The Rosalie and Emmett scene really choked me up. I love that she said those loving words to him.