-brohugs for writimg a story about earthbound in warriors-

where is chap 5 and on words?

Hi again! Two updates while I'm gone, it seems. To be honest, I'm not sure where the heck this whole Longpaw incident is coming from, but I have faith in you. Well, I'd better go read the other one too. See ya!

Firsts of all, I love the opening. For some reason, It reminds me of the Twilight Zone introductions. You don't usually see such distant narration in Warriors fics. It gives it a sort of a sprawling, epic feel, and it definitely piques interest as to what happened to Oaktail and Whitepelt.

The StarClan scene is, I think, where the problem starts. I like that the StarClan in this story is taking care of its problems in a direct and sensible way, but reading a giant string of dialogue gets boring quickly, and throwing so much information at the reader in one scene is an easy way to kill the mystery that you've built so far.

The infodump can be excused somewhat because this is the prologue; maybe you didn't intend for Whitepelt/Oaktail to be a big mystery and maybe you're dumping so much information because you're in a hurry to get to the main story. Still, I think you could create more reader investment if you didn't say everything so directly. Restrict some information. Drop hints instead of facts. Leave the reader wondering and trying to figure stuff out.

["It's not just any Bloodclan member," Nightstar said. "He took leadership of them after Scourge's death."]

I can't wait to see this BloodClan character; he sounds really interesting.

One last thing: StarClan needs more cats that have this power, and they know that this power can be passed from cat to cat. So, instead of dragging in kittypets and BloodClanners, why wouldn't they just make Redpaw pass the power onto other clan cats?

I'm afraid I've never read the Warriors series. I've been meaning to for several years now, but school kept getting in the way. On the other hand, I have managed to see the storyline for Earthbound Zero and I must say that you are keeping it pretty close to the storyline. Good job!

How will they get dreams to those outside of the Clans if they don't believe in StarClan? I mean, I know StarClan chose Firestar when he was still a kittypet, but I don't think those dreams that sent him into the forest came from StarClan. They were just showing his desire to leave his twoleg nest and explore the forest. My point being that StarClan can't contact cats who don't believe in them...

... Then again, they only said they'd contact the Clan cats, didn't they? Are the apprentices going to have to search out the kittypet and the BloodClan cat? Update soon!