That was weird, but in the 'made-me-smile-im-glad-im-for-this-fandom' kind of way XD I'm no cridic in any way, so I don't know how to reply to you in the give you advice and comment on the story structure like most people do.

I really liked this ficlet, and i'm glad you wrote it for the world to see. (I for one would be too o/o to post it)