2 words, giant... Cliffhanger.

very good story well written

Hey. So I haven't read this book (I think I'm in a minority), but I spotted a few things...

1) The stuff in Chapter 1: really creepy. However I feel that the way it's written means it doesn't have this affect on the reader. I don't know much about the horror genre, but I do know that if you want to scare a reader, you need suspense, and to do that you describe details of the character's feelings and the setting, particularly describing the aspect that is about to change (e.g. if someone was to suddenly appear in the garden, you'd take time explaining what it looked like when it was empty to draw attention to it) therefore lulling the reader into a false sense of security, then you suddenly introduce the scary thing. To take an example from your story, "Soon after the kids [I'd replace that as it seems like you're listing events. I'd just use a time phrase like 'a few days later'], I was downstairs and I had shut the downstairs door [,not because I was worried about anyone bustling in, as I was very much alone in the house, but because after all the stuff that had happened to me recently, I was a little paranoid that someone could be there looming behind me, or jumping out at me from behind bookshelves. So, satisfied that no one could come in without my knowledge, I settled down on the large, cream sofa to read my favourite magazine. After about quarter of an hour, I glanced up thinking I'd heard a noise. My ears pricked and I sat stone still, but the only sound in the house was that of my thudding heart. I shook my head, smiling. It was stupid of me to get so wound up about some little sound. It was probably just a water pipe or something. Then suddenly, from closer now, louder,] I heard a noise and turned around. The door handle turned by itself and the door slowly crept open. Nothing was in the room."

2) Just a minor thought. How old are her brothers? Just cos I imagined them to be quite young, and I was questioning the sense of giving them a knife if they were.

3) Also, in Chapter 2, I hope this doesn't seem like I'm nitpicking or being mean but when she helps Percy up and says that the flames didn't burn her hands, I understand thats a way of getting across the fact that they don't burn her, but if you saw someone on fire in front of you, would you honestly go up to them and touch it, thinking you'd get burnt? I feel like a more plausible way of doing this would be to either have her sort of 'feel' that she wouldn't get burnt, or to have him go into her at which point she realises it hasn't hurt.

Otherwise, very good. I like how you described how he stalks her, that was creepy. And I loved "Rain rolled down the glass like the tears on my face" as its such a beautiful, interesting image :)

This story is brilliant, please update soon!