Snakes are evil and sinister beings. First off, it's interesting to see a one-shot to focus on Nagini as she's only there to contain a Horcrux, nothing more. This shows this familiar as this strange being following her master's word and hearing strange things. It's based on how snakes hear-vibrations. It also shows an echoy feel, if you can believe that.

For something so short, there's a lot of description and the atmosphere is tense. You're not Nagini, you're reading what Nagini lives through and how she is part of the darkness and vice versa. Voldemort is always known as "The master", this evil being that she obeys-whether by fear, royalty or just because.

the last two lines of the snake understanding what is in front of her was so cold and evil. We know that Voldemort is a parsel-tongue yet the way it's played out in the beginning makes us think that Voldemort is speaking a different language. But then we hear him speak directly to Nagini and those words are so evil and so spine chilling. Nagini does not even know what is right and wrong-to her, a corpse is dinner and ugh...I can't say anything else due to how evil this is.

Thank you for writing.

Ooh, a fanfic with Nagini! That's different and interesting. :)

I like how well you show Voldemort's emotions in the beginning, since I can clearly tell that he's on-edge and that there are things on his mind. I also like how the only sound is his robe, since it makes the silence seem incredibly tense. I also like how Nagini can't understand Voldemort's speech. Maybe she doesn't quite understand his rage, too. I like how this makes Voldemort seem more mysterious, as well.

Wow, I really loved that part: [familiar flash of green light ] because it's not just familiar to Nagini, but to us- the Avada Kedarvra curse, I am assuming? That was a great part of the story. :) I like how you describe it just as a 'body' falling, rather than a person, showing Nagini and Voldemort's lack of care for the person, as it gives a dehumanising quality which I think works well.

I really loved the ending, since we knew exactly what Voldemort would be feeding to Nagini...

Good job!

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Here is my critique and/or some suggestions for you. I hope they are helpful to you. :)
. (The glassy, flat pools stared) I personally feel here that you could cut it down a little and instead of 'glassy, flat pools', you could just write 'glassy eyes' and I feel that would be a less purple choice in this case, and yet it wouldn't remove any of the effect from the sentence, I believe. :)
[ Its glassy eyes stared]

. (snake's tongue flicked out, tasting the air.) Since there is a sentence very similar to this earlier on in the story, you could change this one as to avoid over-repetition. Here are some examples I could think of. :)
[ snake's tongue waved, like a forked ribbon]
[ snake's tongue flicked]

. (glowing crimson eyes ) Since the colour of his eyes is mentioned earlier, you could omit 'crimson' here. :)
[ glowing eyes]

. (in it's voice ) In the possesive case, ' it's ' does not need an apostrophe. That is used when you are using the contracted form of 'it is', ' it's '. :)
[ in its voice]

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Although the description could be toned down some more, I think this was an excellent piece with a lot of drama, tension and with a great dark tone to it. Keep up the good work! :D

First I love that it's from Nagini's POV, not a lot of stories are and we know that he is more than just a snake.

Your descriptions are good but try not to break up the flow of the scene, for example:
"The tall pale one strode restlessly from one side of the room to the other. His robes swished angrily with each step." It gives us a feeling of movemnt and idea or Voldemort's mood, however it may read a little better if it was structured as,
"The tall pale one strode restlessly from one side of the room to the other; robes swishing angrily with each step."

Also I noticed you tend to use commas a lot, I abuse the crap out of them too and am learning to control my use. A quick Google of how to use commas would alieviate most of them and lead to a more coheasive read.
I love, just love that Nagini refers to VOldemort's followers as not-food creatures!
I have a huge issue with finding the right words to describe the scene I see in my head, using a thesaurus helps me a lot and might give a little more variety to your writing. The above sentence for instance, instead of using swish in the second and third setence maybe use swirled or rustled to describe his robes moving.
Overall a great blurb, I think there is a lot of story left to Nagini and you make me want to look for more about him!

So it's Nagini's POV, that surprised me a bit at first, but it's a welcoming change. The entire atmosphere ou set up with what the snake is observing is kinda unsettling really haha (and it is Voldemort after all, so that's great). What I think really made it chilling was the subtle things like how names weren't use first of all (which solidifies the POV even more) and how easy it is to imagine this dark room and the sounds despite the vagueness of the details.

[weakness in it's voice ]
*its

A really nice (and creepy haha) vignette you have here. Thanks for the read! :D Cheers!

- Tune

Oh, this was chilling, but I get the feeling that was the intention :) I really liked this, it was something in the series that probably happened multiple times, and the actions were probably well-rehearsed, but all the same, I enjoyed the thrill of this greatly.

I could really feel the many emotions flitting around the room, courtesy of the snake, who I think you wrote very well. Yes, I'm saying you characterized a snake well, but she was one of the main characters of this piece, so I think that it counts. Of course, Voldemort was also excellently done, and I love how you never actually mention his name, but we know exactly who he is all the same.

I also like how this is in third person, but all the same, is from the perspective of Nagini. That's really well done, if you ask me, and I think it reflects well on your writing skills.

Now, your writing itself was fairly fluid, and I could follow along easily. Your descriptions are also generally fairly good, but I see that you tend to use the same ones multiple times. Maybe you could use some synonyms to make it more interesting?

SPaG:

[-and even the snake could hear the weakness in it's voice as it struggled to respond.] 'it's' should be 'its'. This is a common mistake that many people seem to make, so you're not the only one.

Other then those little things, this was sufficiently creepy. Excellently done!

I really enjoyed this short little vignette. Especially since the POV that you utilized to tell the story was clearly Nagini's own. I absolutely loved the voice you gave to the snake, having her silently describing the things going on around her. A key technique I wanted to commend you on using was the one where you had no actual dialogue until the very end of the story when you have Voldemort tell her it's dinner time. Excellent attention getter because it makes a reader really focus on what is happening in order to understand the point of the scene.

Some other lines I really wanted to point out:

((His robes swished angrily with each step.))-love the way you turn his robes into something that has/can feel human emotion.

((Coiled up in the corner of the room, the snake watched him impassively, motionless but for the flick of its forked tongue. The glassy, flat pools stared, unblinking, taking in its master's agitated pacing. Soon, the snake knew, the rage would surface as more than just the restless striding.))-excellent example of that silent dialogue. I also love the description that you give to Nagini here. You can absolutely imagine her just coiled quietly in the corner, silently waiting and knowing what was going to soon happen.

((and the snake's tongue flicked out more frequently as it feasted on the emotion. Fear was far more satisfying than the sharper, colder needles of fury and rage.))-Beautiful representation of the snake as a predator.

((The moment passed, and the snake-tongued spoke again. This time the snake understood.

"Dinner, Nagini."))-brilliant ending. So cold, so unfeeling or apologetic for the human life that had been taken, that was about to be consumed. I also love that you use absolutely no other bits of actual dialogue until the last line. It adds emphasis and significance as well as an even darker intonation to what the words mean.

Absolutely wonderful sequence, it fits well with the theme of who Voldemort is (cold and cruel) but also shows the close relationship between him and Nagini (who is the final horcrux as we know). Your writing is fluid and contains a rhythmic cadence that makes this piece flow almost like poetry. Truly excellent job on an exceptionally well written piece!

[The tall pale one strode restlessly from one side of the room to the other. His robes swished angrily with each step. The subdued swishing of the cloth was the only sound to break the heavy silence, apart from the near-inaudible flick of Nagini's tongue as the great serpent tasted the air.] With this first paragraph you have set a great scene of tenseness; Voldamort is angry about something and the heavy silence suggests the thick pressure.

[pools] It's kinda rare I hear eyes described as pools, I like how you've used it here.

[as more than just the restless striding] I don't think you need [the] here. But it's your call.

I like the way you've written this, through the eyes of Nagini, a snake, and I feel you have captured the observant way she might see her surroundings, using her tongue as a primary tool. Great little one-shot!

Oh how interesting that you wrote from Nagini's point of view. There were lots of nice lines where you found a way to describe things in a way that I could imagine that this snake would. I particularly found this line memorable and vivid: /Fear was far more satisfying than the sharper, colder needles of fury and rage./ -Very nice choice of wording.

One suggestion I do have for you is to consider rephrasing the third sentence as it doesn't quite read like it's coming from Nagini's perspective; it's more like someone else was observing both her and her master. 'Snake-tongued' and 'pale one' also came across as a bit clunky for me when I read them since the snake already acknowledges Voldemort as her Master, so I feel that she would likely think of him as master in general and using master would, I feel, flow better with the rest of your prose.

I also loved how you thought to describe human language as sounding harsh and sharp to the snake in contrast to the 'sinuous, fluid language' it knows. I loved too how the snake knew to categorize Voldemort's followers as "not-food creatures". That got a chuckle from me. Overall, I thought you characterized Nagini quite well, especially her perceptiveness of weakness in others and emotions like fear. The ending was perfect for this little drabble.

This was a very interesting story. Nagini was a very under-represented character, considering her importance to the overall story, in my opinion.

I like how she didn't really know anything about what was going on. She was just there, waiting for dinner, unknowing and uncaring about her happenings, until she feels the familiar taste of fear that means dinner is near.

This seemed to me like the scene in the fifth book, when Harry had his nightmare. Or did Voldemort not kill that guy? Rookwood, wasn't it? Maybe I'm wrong. I haven't read the books in awhile.

Oh, this was fabulous :)

I love the fact that this is from Nagini's perspective, a perspective that's practically unknown in the fandom.

The descriptions and imagery are gorgeous. I love how you constantly make references to the fact that the "human tongue" is unintelligible to the snake, a little detail that really makes the story so much more realistic.

The ending was both chilling and perfect, because not only did it say so much about Nagini, but you've kept Voldemort in character in only one line of dialogue.

Well done! :3

Wow, this was pretty awesome. I love that you wrote this from the snake's perspective, something I would have never considered, but it works really well. I also found it really intriguing that even though Nagini and Voldemort have been together for so long that the snake doesn't understand everything he says. I guess we never really consider that. I mean, I don't own a snake, but I have other pets...but we like to think they can understand everything we say when they probably don't. ;P I also love that you didn't say who the victim was. Of course, the snake would't know, and the name really didn't matter. However, I personally imagined this to be Snape's final moments, but I'm not sure if that's what you had intended or not. It just reminded me of that particular scene. Anyway, I love when the snake finally understood. This was quite the enjoyable piece. Well done. :)

I love how this is from Nagini’s perspective. I think that is just fascinating. The fact you chose to focus on her tongue is awesome. I love how she recognizes him as her master and that she can’t understand when he speaks English. It’s really nice that you bring in the fact Voldemort has red eyes. It’s something I wish the movie had done. The fact the Death Eaters are referred to as “not-food” cracked me up. I like that the snake recognizes the green flash. That was really neat. The ending was also interesting when Voldemort told her to eat. Nice job.

This was brilliant and very dark. I loved the view from Voldemort's snake's eyes. Her perception was perfect for the scene. The images evoked by our writing give me a clear picture of the scene.

I would have liked a bit from Voldemort's POV in this story though. I think that would have enhanced the scene by showing how both him and the snake are predatory.

To start off, this was an interesting drabble! Now I've never seen HP to the extent of knowing Nagini, but from what I've just read, she is apparently an important figure in Voldermort's eyes...and that's all that matters.

I loved the descriptions you gave Nagini. A great, vivid image came from reading such great narratives of how the snake is acting, and I applaud you for that! I find it kind of cute when Nagini was confused about hearing human talk and not understanding it. It brings a sense of realness; even though she's Voldermort's snake, she is still just that...a snake; a measly pet that cannot understand humans (unless they speak Parseltongue, which I think Voldermort was using in the last line).

In terms of SPAG, nothing serious caught my attention, so nice work with that! Again, I truly loved reading this amazing one-shot! :)

Hi :) I won't lie, I love Nagini even if he's evil ;) And the premise of this is fantastic.

As an aside, if this were my fic I'd take out the top part. The information you've provided is already there in your summary, except for your disclaimer which isn't legally necessary. Since this is such a short little piece, I think you're best off jettisoning anything that might detract from it.

That said, once I got to the fic itself, loved it. I'm really impressed that you managed to take such a short few moments in time and describe them in such loving and sensuous detail. I'm a particular fan of "fury" tinting the room, and the "electric tang on the air", as well as the chilling, low-key ending that fits beautifully. Well done. x