There's a large logical error with this story. If Tristan hadn't gone after the star, he wouldn't have ended up with Victoria. She would have married Humphrey (her deal with Tristan was to bring her the star in a week or she'd marry Humphrey). If Tristan never crossed the wall, he'd never find his mother, and thereby never find out he was a half-prince of Stormhold. Yvaine would also be dead, either at the hands of Lamia or Septimus. So there'd either be no king of Stormhold, or an immortal king of Stormhold that wasn't Tristan.

Okay this is a very great beginning to a story! Please continue!

My deepest compliments on your story

I think this has the potential to be an interesting story - I assume that the rest of it will be Alice having adventures in Stormhold and learning who her real parents are? The potential is definitely there, but this first chapter has more problems than just being short. It's very rushed and choppy and does a lot of telling, rather than showing. What I think you should do is rewrite it completely and this time, write it from someone's point of view - maybe Victoria's. You don't have to change any of the facts in it, but make sure you show what's happening instead of just telling it. Maybe tell how Victoria managed to kidnap her and write her thoughts while she did it. Or describe Alice's awful childhood, instead of just saying what happened during it. Or both. I think just this one paragraph could be expanded to at least a full length chapter, if not more than one.

I hope you take this advice, and I shall certainly read more.

It's a very creative way to take it, maybe too creative though.

a) stars and humans can't have babies together, Neil Gaiman said so.

b) Victoria is happily married to Mr. Monday.

But why waste your time writing fanfictions, you have enough creativity, go for an original story ;)

interesting slant.. i'm really looking forward to reading more of this story! :)

hey Nina, it's Lucy! This is awesome! Never seen the film or read the book but i liked this! UPDATE!