wow... I am really speachless... beautifull

I have always loved Sirius and his relationship with Harry. This was a very touching piece.

*sobs* That was beautiful. I believe that Sirius and Harry should have been able to talk more, to be a family, and this symbolizes those thoughts. Well done.

I think that this is going to be the best way to say this... A carpenter cannot build a good, inhabitable home with nothing but a hammer. He uses many tools to better augment his natural abilities, moving from tool to tool as the situation demands. Using just a hammer, he only succeeds in making a very ramshackle home that, at best, stands under its own weight.

I bring this to light to better describe your writing style. You use adjectives as your only tool. They pepper the story all over, coating it in such a way that the true nature of the story is lost in all the confusion. I barely understood what the action of the story was until near the end. The fact that Harry appears in a graveyard, the most important aspect of the setting, is only mentioned one time (reference the line concerning the tombstones) until it is actually stated. This would have been an excellent opportunity to describe more of an eerie feeling. You passed it up completely.

Most important, your grasp of English grammar is, I apologize, negligent. Your idea of what a comma is used for, or lack thereof, is held in complete disregard of any actual rule or guideline. It appears that they are spread, thinly, across sentences that, while needing them, did not need them as deeply as many of the other sentences. The fragments and run-ons are everywhere, and the ideas are barely supplemented with coherent thoughts.

Please understand that I do not write this to insult, however "cruel" or "heartless" it may sound. I write it simply to help you. I don't know how old you are or where you plan to go with your life, but I can tell your passion for the art is great. Unfortunately, passion holds little patience for lack of sharpened talent. If you have the talent, and you may, it is dull, not honed like a blade. Use this criticism to better your skills and grow from this experience. If you are still in high school, as I suspect, then you still have plenty of time to get there before you start a college career, if that's in your future. I hope it is, but I also hope you take heed of these criticisms before you get there. It can be brutal and, I'm sorry, you'll get your feelings hurt walking into that situation with your current knowledge of the craft.

A successful carpenter uses a saw, screwdrivers, balances, and a hammer. Use your tools. Metaphor, simile (which was used... though not very craftily) hyperbole and difference in font style. For instance, use italics for thoughts. Please, use anything to indicate thoughts... as is, there is no way to tell a difference between one section and another in your writing, i.e. sections concerning Harry's thoughts and Harry's actions, the action around him and the action within him... or pretty much anything else. Your pronouns are, almost, unintelligible. Please, work on this.

All in all, I hope that you can gather your material together and get a better hold on what you intend to write. You seem better suited to children's literature.

Again, please excuse me if I sound rude or overly critical. My intention is, again, only to aid you in your writing and hope that you grow from this. My greatest suggestions are these:

1- Find someone who can edit your work. Seriously. Please.

2- Learn to deal well with criticism. You'll have to a LOT if you ever intend to go on with your writing career.

My daughter is a fan. She's not a member, I think, but she told me to look at your work. I can't remember how she told me she found you. I wish you the best, and good luck.

I'm sorry about your sister and friend, but anyway you wrote an extrodinary story!

I loved this dive into the tender subject of Sirius Black's death. I thought you handled the sorrow very well, and more importantly you handled the ways that Harry copes with that sorrow extremely well.

A very inspired story, thank you...

the inscription was very apt and lovely.

This is written beautifully. It feels so real, because that really seems like what Harry would do.

This...really was a moving piece; especially since a part of your own grief was intertwined with it.

Sirius 'Padfoot' Black was my favorite character in the books and I had honestly wished he got a chance to live again, but the Ministery was still horribly incompentant. I also found the gravestone fitting for Padfoot and think that Harry would have done that in Canon.

Great Writig!~

It was brilliant and made me cry. Beautifully written. Just one little mistake or maybe you knew you made it I'm not sure. Sirius only called Harry James in the movie. I'm not sure if you were in the movie world or if you thought he said that in the book. But other then that you did Sirius's death justice.