Wait...didn't they just ban soup just because of a rat?

...not much thought then what I was hoping for but you were a kid so no bashing but I will say "Why only one thought of the queen? I thought this was about the queen's thought! I don't see any part of being in her head." Yeah sorry

Well, this was a good idea; but it had a lot of run-on sentences, grammer mistakes, and no spacing... It would be nicer to read in paragraph form. I suggest that you ask someone (like an adult) to read your fics before you put them on here?

But this was actually pretty good for a debut at writing, I think that you could add a little more detail, like how the soup tasted.

Oh, and one more thing, Do Not Be Afraid Of Commas!

Write On!

nnnooooooooooooooooooot baaad

most of thats not thoughts. its more like the backstory.

Ummm...not bad, kid! Just separate some things through paragraphs. It's hard to do so at first, but you'll get used to it. Paragraphs will make it easier to read.

Goo awkward story

First off, I'd like to say you have a really good idea. I'm glad you're posting on here, and please do continue to. I agree with Kristina Charleson, practice does make perfect! One thing you should try to work on, though, is run-on sentences. It's really easy to fix, and it makes all the difference. I'm not trying to bash you at all, and I really hope you keep writing more stories! I tell everyone how they can improve on here, it's nothing against you. Good job on the story!

Herz von Silber

WOW! this is awesome!

This could be a very interesting start to a story similiar to The Tale of Despereaux. Write more! Practice makes perfect. :)

Interesting, very intersting i do have to say this though isn't the rats name in the book Chiaroscuro? Or are you using your own rat? Cause i pretty sure its Roscuro that killed her. Other then that its great!