Thanks for your kind review. Its worth noting that this was 9 years ago and written by a teenager, as you can clearly tell Oliver.

Keep the constructive criticism going my friend...

Bag of shite

It's a lousy reason not to read the story, but still enough of a reason for me. Without having checked anything else, I need to comment on the layout. Making it fat is too overwhelming. It decreases reading comfort. That's why books and all / most other works you'll find here aren't written in fat letters.

You're of course completly free to display your story in anyway you want. But that doesn't mean that it's a matter of opinion of which letter type one should use. It's a plain fact that writting in fat letters is a bad idea.

My advice change it, should take you about 4 seconds if you're good with word.

Oooh! Nice update. It's definatly a lot easier to read than last

This is really good. There is just a few things that could make it better. You don't use capital i's which is a bit sore on the eyes. When diffrent people speak put it on a new line. E.g "Hi" she said, happily.I gave a grin."Hi"

Would be

"Hi" She said,happily.I gave a grin.

"Hi"

It makes it easier to read and makes it more clear who's from that it seems pretty good. I can't wait to read