really wonderful work here. dark and intriguing but with a great connection to the canon. and for a while i was convinced the outers were behind it! great work.

((Take my advice and run, run fast, run hard, and don't look back.

One day, we will meet again.))

I'm tearing up.

Oh my. That was one wild ride of a story. I'm so very curious about the fates of the Outers as well, especially considering Hotaru's fate. Overall, it was *so* well written, suspenseful and absorbing. It maintained a level of connection with the source text that made it a plausible AU and not just an AH story and that was pretty cool. Even though there was no outright magic used, its role in everything crackled beneath the surface. K's disappearing act throughout the story - he must have been meeting *big baddie, no spoilers!* regularly too, eep.

This story almost demands a second reading to put the pieces together. I'm a little sad Luna and Artemis never came into play, though their absence kept this, as I said, firmly in the "real" world and didn't let the story venture in overtly magical territory.

Z and his creepy ways in this story were so interesting too, leaving me wondering at what point his switch was flipped. Was it that one encounter with Mamoru in the cell? Had it started a bit earlier?

And why did *big baddie* keep N and K going for awhile, but not Z? Was *baddie* hoping to find Mamoru through them? I don't think so, considering how easy that'd be, as well as finding J.

So many questions! Have you ever written any author comments on what you were doing in this story? If so, I'd love to read them!

((Blood began to rush to his head. "No, DI Sanjoin and I are in the area, we'll go over there right now."))

No, no! Abort! Do not proceed, Chiba! :(

... Ok, so the *someone* in the park didn't kill them like I thought *they* would, but instead did a very disturbing thing to *themself*?

Only one more chapter! What a crazy ride this has been.

(("Then this isn't her. This girl is no older than 17 or 18."))

Woah.

Creepy feeling is creeping up.

((One name caught his attention. "Do you know a Dr. Tomoe? The name sounds familiar, but I can't place it. His teen aged daughter went missing 18 months ago."))

Oh no, oh no, oh no. Creepy feeling justified! :(

((It was Ace who broke into a grin that seemed even more false because he started crying at the same time. They were hysterical tears, tears of a man losing his sanity without even knowing it.

"This time, you didn't get her. You didn't."))

What the - ?!

((Then Jirou Koutani appeared out of nowhere and put his hand on the coroner's shoulder.

"It wasn't him. Come on, let's go."))

*breathes out* Ok, I'm glad they're together again. With Noboru going a little batty and Jirou going temporarily missing, it's been a bit nerve wracking! Now all four are together and maybe some answers will start to emerge.

((The security on the car park was tight, and yet, all the cars had miraculously disappeared in the same night without anyone noticing it. It smelled like an inside job, but despite interviewing the security personel, Mamoru was no closer to solving this case than Noboru and Haruka were to solving the Missing Heart Murders. ))

Brilliant! The pieces are falling into place.

And now we meet Ace. Freaking sociopath.

((Thinking that Minako Aino would rather throw herself under a lorry than spend New Year's in the vicinity of her mother, Noboru resisted the urge to shake his head. There was something fishy about Kaitou Ace: the man was just putting it on too thick.))

This story has given me a newfound appreciation of N. I love how Noboru is so sharply observant.

Hahaha, J-Lo reference was ace! No pun intended. ;)

Thickening plot is thickening. Also, very clever Ace and *someone* misdirection. ;)

Ugh, Noboru, please get it together soon!

Makoto's funeral and Noboru's moment - touching.

Mamoru ending the wrongtown sex - woohoo!

Noboru's creepy liasons - nooo, stop it right now!

Why hasn't Mamoru interrogated the ageless cats yet? Lol.

The suspense is building now to a point where I'm not sure if I'll really have detailed comments until the end!

(("Man, you don't keep up with the news, do you? Senator Hino died one and half years ago."

Mamoru scowled, and his eyes darkened. "Same time as Usagi died. So no, didn't watch the news then. Any chance it was murder?"))

Woah, spidey sense is tingling.

((A wistful expression crossed Noboru's face and he looked outside the window at the darkening sky. Soon the stars would come out to illuminate his failure. "Not the first time, no."))

Heart clenching. Poor baby.

Also, I think my comments might start to get less intelligible as the story gets craycrazier! Soon it'll just be gasps and ughs, lol.

((Both Noboru and Mamoru whipped around, only to find Katsurou Hanzo standing in the doorway, looking very much like a teacher that walked in on his students setting the school mascot on fire.

"What are you doing here?" Noboru asked with more than a little resentment, "the dead have been transported to your little dungeon over a week ago."))

Oooh, burn! Also, Katsurou's timing is ominous! Ominous, I say! I think that may be the best descriptor of the last few chapters, overall.

(("Yeah, I was, but since you are so good at it, why don't I just sit back and wait until you find the necessary evidence within three minutes of your arrival and- WHAT THE FUCK!"))

LOL!

Holy shit, Sherlock! Shocking photo revelations are shocking.

((It made Noboru immediately suspicious. Someone who didn't even use a passwort on her computer would surely see no need to hide pictures of laughing friends. He put the box on the bed and prowled the apartment again, his eyes scanning the walls and eventually, he called to the two other men from the hallway.))

Nice. Noboru is a smart cookie.

(("Hello lover."

The voice was dark, soft, sweet, familiar. It was the sort of voice that made husbands leave their wives, emperors destroy their kingdoms and fools rush to their certain death.

It was dangerous.))

Noboru was a smart cookie until he went into this bar alone, driven by male jealousy and competitiveness. The "oh shit!" feeling evoked by these few lines is strong, my friend. I am recording it now before I read who said them. Eeeek!

... AHHHHHH! (x100)

*is spent* I want a hot cocoa and a blanket to curl up in. It's only Ch 7 out of 16 and I'm already on the edge of my proverbial seat.

(P.S. Best reveal ever. I should have known who it was immediately with that description but I was misdirected, even thinking, "Are those we think are dead really dead?" Alas, 'twas only wishful shippy thinking. Now the baddest bitch ever is in play and shit's getting so real.)

(("At least she put up a hell of a fight," Noboru stated with a note of pride.))

Oh poor baby, if only you remembered...

((Mamoru flinched, but Noboru reached over the table and patted his shoulder awkwardly while munching on his apple. "Come on, 's not that bad."
"So we're good?"
"Yeah, we're good, mate. ))

I *love* their mateship.

(("Why were you so convinced that Nigoshi is innocent?"
"Intuition."
"Nothing more?"
"Dunno, feels like I know him. Doesn't make any sense, but there it is."))

Feels like any moment the other shoe is going to drop and shit is going to get real.

(("That's Rei. Rei Hino."))

So ominous.

And how could I forget the detail about Artemis being missing?

Why, hello Luna.

Haha, Haruka, you ball-busting wildcard!

Last thought on this chapter loaded with awesome plot development - Ikuko and the Tsukino's house were perfect. The detail about how she never raises her voice anymore - so sad.

And Mamoru, dude, get it together about the wrongtown sex! Ugh.

You have a knack in your writing for making Setsuna thoroughly unlikeable, lol.

IShaking his head, Mamoru threw two wrapped sandwiches on Noboru's desk. They bore a pink crest, signature of the small place around the corner Noboru preferred to their local caféteria./i

Uh oh. Noboru, go ask the owner of that small place for her number, before she meets her doom!

...Ok, and now I've read the next crime scene and the photo revelation and all I can say is... Dude.

Nice misdirection with the sandwich and/or hint at what could have been. Heartbreaking, again.

Also, she wasn't discovered for a month because of course she lived alone, with no family to miss her. :(

Interesting detail about the tattoo. The secret photos, the mysterious man, K on sick leave, Z's sudden knowing demeanor, the tattoo... *cue Sarah McLachlan's "Building a Mystery"* Hoooolding on, and hoooolding it in... Sorry.

I think I went totally goofy in this review to distract from the devastation of Mamoru at the end of the chapter.

He assumed he knew her, as everyone did. But she was far deeper than anyone except these 3 now dead ladies knew.

This review combines comments for Ch 3 and Ch 4.

IAfter turning the coffee machine on, Noboru sat down at his computer and began to read through the wikipedia entry on Minako Aino. /i

Setsuna's filofax and the newspaper clippings had made me think this story might be set in the '90s, but wikipedia brought it back to the present. Funny detail about Setsuna and her old timey ways.

IMamoru was a rookie straight from the academy, but the bugger carried himself with the air of a natural leader, Noboru remembered fondly.

(...)

Noboru shook his head and went to take a cold shower; sometimes it was all he could do to banish the dark thoughts that popped up his head as if they belonged. /i

Perfect characterisation. The details, the details.

I"No, the photographer. His name is Hisaya Nigoshi, and he works for the country's main paparazzi agency." /i

Intriguing. Who will this bloke turn out to be? ;)

I"The forensic people found several strands of hair in different places. Long black and short blonde."/i

Ahhhhh! Now, if one of the hair strands had been aquamarine... Hehe.

IDeep down, he knew that Setsuna Meioh was a suspect, but he didn't want to believe it. She was the first woman he had really looked at since Usagi died, she couldn't have perpetrated a crime as atrocious as this one. /i

*le sigh* Doesn't he know it's always thinking with one's dick that gets detectives into crappy situations?

I"If you ask me, he's our man," Mamoru said as soon as they slammed their respective doors shut./i

Hmm, a bit of past life stuff coming through? I wonder why Mamoru distrusts Z from the beginning but is close with N. Hmmmm. Then again he was also intimidated by K, and that's to be expected.

Noboru's violent reaction and confidence in Hisaya's innocence are interesting too. Horrible detail about Hisaya not last too long in prison due to prettiness, nooooooo!

IMamoru Chiba just walked out of the room without sparing his partner another glance to find a moment of quiet to grieve for the girl that had played the piano on his wedding day./i

Heartbreaking.

IHe briefly wondered how she and Aino had gotten along. Noboru remembered how Aino's mother had told him story after story about her daughter's impossible stubbornness./i
Definite feeling he knows this from his own experience, one he doesn't remember. ;)

I"She hasn't been around for some time, I did wonder if she and Minako had a falling out. But then they always got on like a house on fire." /i

Gaaaaahhh! You skillful writer, you!

Also, how you so subtly reveal that Noboru's secret loss, the one Mamoru sensed but couldn't call out, was his grandmother...

I"I never touched her, not in this lifetime and not in any other. Even if I had been interested, which, for the record, I'm not, I wouldn't have dared to touch her. I'm not suicidal." A bitter laugh escaped the blonde man and he fell silent. Mamoru missed the brief flicker of confusion in Hisaya's eyes, as if the words he had spoken had not made any sense. But the young man was quick on his feet and continued, brushing over his puzzlement in a heartbeat. /i

My favourite moment in the story so far. A perfect example of why shitennou stories kick ass.

On one hand, yay Usagi and Mamoru got 10 happy years together! Clearly stolen time. On the other hand, the atmosphere in this story and the hints about Usagi's mysterious friendships are ominous as hell!

[i]In the distance two ravens soared across the sky.[/i]

Shivers. This combined with Setsuna staring at him as he approaches Ami. Everyone knows something he doesn't.

[I]It finally began to rain and the man hidden behind the large oak disappeared just as unnoticed as he had arrived. Turning up the collar of his coat, he wished that Minako Aino would still live, were it only to laugh at the irony of the situation. He was sure that she would have appreciated it.[/i]

You're amazing with building atmosphere and layers of characterisation. Minako's presence is still felt, like she's there laughing at the scene, as this mysterious character (I can guess who!) thinks she would.

This, plus the secret photos drawer... *whistles* The intrigue is growing.

[I]"Not my type, Mamoru. She's mean. I like 'em sweet."[/i]
Ugh, I have a feeling he won't be meeting Makoto here but I hope he does!

[I]The door opened and Katsurou Hanzo stepped in. He was carrying a black umbrella in one, and the report in the other hand.

"You have a problem."[/i]

The fact that these three are working in the same office is brilliant. And their roles in this alternaverse are so grounded in their characters.

This is why I don't bother reading original fiction. Stories like this incorporating multiple levels of subtext, based on a beloved source text, are just too good.

But on a related note, you should be published by now!

Ahhhh! Subtext, subtext, subtext. Noboru and his mysterious talent. The coroner and his lengthy gazes at Minako's face! Minako's liason with a golden haired Adonis. Oh my, this is brilliant.

Well, I did not see that end coming. I liked the otherworldly feel throughout. Still not sure exactly what happened, but I think that is part of the charm in this case. I'm glad Mamoru isn't completely alone... Sort of. Really enjoyed the story.

Wow that was an amazing story. The whole burried plot was just the meaty center. Like a hot steamy pork bun. lol Can you tell I'm hungry? This was an engaging story and one I have not seen before. Mamoru was completely in the dark about the scouts and what it all was about. Beryl getting to Rei and all just to get to Mamoru, wich I am glad you didn't let happen by the way, and using her own fire to kill her friends, how horrible. This was a twisted story and I loved it. It is most often the subleties that make a tale worth reading.

Wounder what the connection's to the dead girl and Usagi are and who

is Minako's lover be?