Keep up the ABSOLUTLY FANTASTIC work!
More PLEASE!

Interesting start, can't wait to see how this progresses!

it dus me good to see someone final write a story about my ninetellsnokitsunandme

Um...WOW!

I also like the little comments with the characters. It's hilarious, now that I think about it I think this is the most I've ever reviewed.

I like it

Lov it…awwww no happy ending sad

I hate it when people defile the name of ancient Chinese folk tale demons and portray them as gay what the hell gay fox demons gay vampires ah just like freakin twilight ah why any ways i was going to read this because it looked interesting but as soon as i saw the crap with the gay fox dating the gay vampire sasuke so i flew to coop

Hi again

- first point, this was the same as tour first story right? just revised i think. If you want to revise a story (make it better) tell people in the discription AND in every Author note, also tell what you changed

- Gramar! I told you last time and i'm telling you right now. You. Need. To. Get. Yourself. A. Beta.

There are enough people who would want to do it.

-Relationship development. You made Gaara kiss Naru AND have sex with her in ONE chapter, sorry but that is extemely rushed. I understand that you want to get on with the story but if there is a pairing involved in the plot make it so that they have a background and they really get to know her.

You could've wrote a few chapters about her stay there and the general things that happen. (watching tv together, etc.) and make them hook up in one of those chapters.

-The one paragraph thing, just like the other reviewer (sorry forgot your name \), it is very hard to read a story that is just one big blob of text.

xx Usa

PS. If I have extra tips i'll send them in a PM kay )

You got "they're" and "their" mixed up in the description. You learn not to mix up homonyms in first grade. Good job.

I agree with the other reviewer Gringy Boots. Your work does need a beta and as quickly as possible. I'm sorry but I couldn't even read past the first few lines because it wasn't checked over at all. There are plenty of places online where betas and authors can be matched up so please go and look into that. I'm sure that once you get these stories checked you'll be able to pick up more readers interested in the same things as you. One thing that might help is reading what you write out loud to yourself. It helps you catch mistakes in the flow of the story as well as grammar issues. Good luck and I hope you find a good beta!

Okay...Where to start.

1) PARAGRAPHS! There's nothing worse to a reader than clicking on a story then just seeing one continous, never ending blob of text. It hurts your eyes to have to focus and it confuses the reader as to who is actually talking. Start a new line every time a new person speaks or the topic changes.

2) GRAMMAR! Seriously young lady/man, your grammar needs to have a good check. Capital letters. Full stops. Commas. You need a beta, and pretty badly :\

3) SPELLING! Okay so it's not very incouraging to a story when you use the wrong 'their' in your summary. It's they're because 'demons' is not their possession. They ARE demons, ergoThey're.

4) State your god damn couples. I hate Sasuke with anyone other than Naruto. KyuubiBleh.

5) Get the names right. Jiraya not Jyaria. Itachi not Itatchi. Kyuubi not Kyubbi.

6) Try to elongate your sentances using connectives. And, so, therefore, aswell as, then, afterwards...Words like that.

This is my constructive critisism. I would personally restart using as rules then get a beta, they help a LOT.

Good luck, hope this helps.

Gringy Boots Out~!

It's so sad really I am not joking