this is good!

You are aware now that Thaddeus/Prosper English, is not Cadel's actual father. Nope. Cadel's real father is Chester Cramp. Currently sitting in an American Jail. If it weren't for that fact, this would be a bit of a cute fluff, but seeing as Cadel's father was revieled, you might want to re-write it.

Thaddeus and Darkkon seemed to have been obsessed with her. Must have ticked them both off when she fell in love with Chester.

Besides a few minor grammar mistakes, I thought this was beautifully written!

I always imagined that Elspeth knew that Prosper was her killer, but this was an interesting take on it. Good job!

Pretty good for your first fic. -

I was actually planning to do this same thing (except from Thaddeus' perspective) as chapter 3 or 4 of my fic. I was planning a completely different take, though. But that's the cool thing about fanfiction! There are countless right answers, each with a thread of truth, answering a single question.

Sorry, getting a bit off track...

There are a few grammatical errors, your verb tense isn't always consistent, etc, but it's nothing that can't be fixed by a good beta. Also, you have some sentence fragments, but many of them seem to serve stylistic purposes, which is just fine. But you have to be careful not to abuse them.

I'd also suggest that you break up those chunks of text a bit. The best way to figure how to do that well is to pay close attention to the structure of text the next time you read a book. It's not the sort of thing you'd learn from an English class, unfortunately.

And most importantly, keep writing. If this is your starting point, I suspect that you could become a really good writer someday.