Disclaimer: yep, I know this is old. I read it, so it's only fair if I review it. :)

This is nice free verse and you have some striking images in your lines. The only thing that I didn't really care for was that words seemed to start with a capital letter at random, which kind of drew me out of the story a bit. I also thought that some of the lines could be longer, as reading lots of very short lines all in a row got a little distracting for me.

Still, I really enjoyed reading this and hope you return to it :) x