Wow that was intense. There was definitely some flirting in between. Totally wished he had kissed her and went for it. Major teasing between the two toiling with blood and hearts here. Doesn't Senri crave Rima's blood in general ? They might have been two bored vampires but sparks were flying and heartbeats racing.

Nice job building up the tension. It felt realistic. Keep writing:)

That was so...KAWAII! I loved it!

haha,...love that!

cute!

Awww... that was so kawaii... poor Rima so much blood lost :O Awww... I really wanted Shiki to kiss Rima... but I don't care coz this is a fab story! :D

No! Movie night is still not okay, you two! More moments like this is the RIGHT THING!

I didnt like the end

Loved it :)

"She wanted him to kiss her. Not for something serious or for something fun. She just wanted to know if Shiki’s lips were far more delicious than blood or Pocky."

OMG, lol, i loved that line in an ironic way xD At first, i was surprised Rima would ask Shiki to kiss her, but then this line kind of explained it :P I LOVE Shiki and RIma

*grinn*

AWSOME!

I like how they're playful together but then you showed a hint of passion in one moment. A very nice one shot, thank you for writing it.

wow...so bold of rima...just ask shiki to kiss her...how cute..! love it!

Woo! I loved it D

It's really nice!

Hi ya! Suprised to find me here? Lol, so am I ;) Well I really have no idea what this series is about, but I wanted to read without getting into a large story at the moment, and you just put this out. Okay, so I'm going to help you the way I did with the girl I beta for.

"Only the lamp beside the sofa illuminated the place."-This would be an excellent place to put some more descriptive writing. Light is so important in setting the mood. Was it a sickly unnatural light? A pale soft light that put them at ease? Whatever you want, but it should set the stage of the story.

"His pale, sapphire eyes glowed within the dimness of the room."-This is good actually, but I think you could go beyond it. You don't have to if you don't want to here, but there's really so much you can do with eyes. This is from my story and it’s a description of Cloud’s blue eyes. It's more descriptive than what you want here but just giving you ideas. “Underneath, he found a deep pool of blue that was seemingly endless, like an ocean that stretched towards infinity and beyond the horizon. It glistened, glowing even, as the ocean does under the reflection of the sun.” Of course you wouldn’t use something that grand for every eye description. I’ve only done that once. You could do an analogy here just had “. . . , like blah blah blah. . . “ to better describe the glowing nature of the eyes.

“The smell drove him to the edge. He’d probably die from trying to resist the lust which rushed furiously in his veins.”-I think you could do a better job here describing how close to the edge he was. You want the reader to feel how much pain he’s in. How badly he wants this blood. The sentence that you gave describing it isn’t, but it doesn’t really make me feel it.

“His blood red eyes clashed with her clear, blue ones.”-I liked this. Very good :)

“. . . . yet flaccid voice sent a clear message to him.”-Lol, forgive me for laughing here but I’ve never seen the word “flaccid” used except to describe the male anatomy. Maybe it works here? I would change it though for that sole reason. I got the image of a man’s “you know what,” here.

I liked this! I think you are improving _ There were lots of good things that I didn’t comment on. Sorry about that! I didn’t want you to think that there wasn’t, it’s just that I should be studying at the moment. I thought this little one-shot was cute and interesting. Keep on writing! I’ll keep an eye on things ;)

O_O

wai! you used melted! i shall dance my geeky, happy dance! and i'm the first one to give you a review! wee!

it just needs a few cleaning, but it was great. shiki and rima are lovers?