This is such an insufficient review but- wow. It's such an ugly, violent, frenetic storm of memory and I really enjoyed it and it was a really fun exercise to see the P3 sempais challenged like this, especially since Mitsuru and Shinjirou have such rigid personalities and won't give an inch. I loved Castor's uncontrollable rage - ah, just the personalities given to all the Personas. And Mitsuru's fencing lesson really stands out to me too. And, ah, your Elizabeth is so fun and casually cruel. It was a joy to read. Thank you so much for sharing.

Late probably won't even qualify for my review. My first persona game was P4G followed by P3P and P5 so its not like I was playing when this was written. I love them all but I guess the hipster dork in me prefers 3 more for its darker themes.

That being said I loved this read how violent and mind bending it was. I wasn't even disappointed that I only got Akimitsu undertones. It was hard to follow at times but that only made the mind games more intriguing sucking me further in. Shinji babysitting young Mitsuru and the ballroom dancers(and whole scene) were some of the highlights. I really suck at reviews and critiques so I'll favorite and leave it here.

This is perhaps the most well-thought-out fan portrayal of the SEES Triumvirate that has ever been penned. Amazing work.

One note: their ages are wrong in the memory; Kurosawa calls them eighteen.

This has been an emotional journey. I truly appreciate what you have created, and look forward to checking out the rest of your works.

Has anyone said how you've perfectly captured the senpai in this? Because you have. And damn if it isn't one of the THE best stories I've read about them.
This was such a pleasure to read, I can't even tell you. So, thanks for sharing this because I'm in love with this work.

Okay, so this review is in two parts, the first being for anyone who's checking out the reviews to see if they want to read the story, the second part being my thoughts on the ending.

1. More or less spoiler-free overview of the fic:

This is a great read for fans of the original three members of SEES. It's dark, suspenseful and complex. But more important is how it studies Shinjiro, Mitsuru and Akihiko from so many different angles - both their early memories of fighting as a team and how they see each other during the year the game takes place in; separate memories from their childhoods as well private conversations they have with their Personas; their thoughts during the heat of battle as well as trying to find their way out of Tartarus. Most of the story is set in Tartarus, so there's a fair bit of action and physical combat, but these character-driven moments - delusive, heartbreaking, even humorous - are still key to the narrative.

It's set in Tartarus - which is an indistinct, confusing world sometimes - and the narrative itself is often convoluted. This isn't a story you can just coast through; if you don't pay attention, you can easily become lost. It can be hard to remember where exactly you are in the story and what's going on, so you may have to backtrack and re-read in some places.

That said, what's drawn me most about this story is the focus on the three main characters, their shared present, past, and possible demise inside Tartarus. There's a lot of psychological heavy stuff; there's romantic subtext, but it's nothing over the top (if that's not your cup of tea); and, maybe surprisingly for such an intense story, there's a lot of humor, sly asides and sarcasms that you'd expect from old friends. There's also a healthy dose of Minato, and his scenes with Elizabeth have a cat-and-mouse quality that's both uneasy and friendly. It's a challenging story and there's a lot to enjoy about it.

2. Okay, this is my review to you about the end:

Hm. That's partly how the epilogue leaves me. Who? Where? When? The comma after "that" has me confused, because I can't tell whether it's one person speaking or two. To me, it reads like one speaker.

While I was looking forward to following Akihiko and Mitsuru into their first memory of being a team, I also liked that you dropped the curtain on it. You gave us some teasers about it, then let things go. It gives the moment a greater privacy and connection between Akihiko and Mitsuru - as if you're saying to the reader, "You've seen everything you needed to see. You know how it goes from here." So I like the ending of chapter 18 very much, that intimacy. Even when Shinjiro's dead, he still speaks to them through Caesar. Even though he's gone, their friendship goes on.

Back to the epilogue. I can only speculate, but my first instinct was to read it as one line, spoken by Elizabeth to Minato. It'd reinforce the idea that he is connected to his friends, and he can give them this memory because of that connection. But - I don't know - is it Minato speaking to Elizabeth, thanking her for (in her very roundabout way) giving them this opportunity? Does it have to do with Akihiko and Mitsuru's memory? Is it maybe one of their Personas speaking?

But another question is whether I need to know the context. Is the speaker's identity more important than what's being said? This story has often been nightmarish in its battles and emotional turmoil, but there's always been such a focus on the characters' relationships - the feelings and connections that arguably make them human. It could be that all of their humanities have been tested and they've still come out valuing their friendship.

I think Chapter 18 gives the story the closure it needs, so in a way this epilogue feels unnecessary. It's really brief too, so it may just be leaving the reader with a jolt of surprise and a raised eyebrow. At the same time, the story doesn't require a lengthy epilogue. I think you could either cut this epilogue or maybe lengthen it out by another line or two, just to give the reader some clues about who's speaking.

Anyway, this is a fantastic story.

I apologize, this is late in coming (especially since I read the chapter a while ago), but anyway, I really enjoyed this epilogue! Some excellent dialogue in there, and the interactions between the trio in Kurosawa's office were great. Spot on with Kurosawa, too, which is saying something for a peripheral character in the game. Nice work on the interspersed fight scenes, too, particularly Shinjiro's role (okay, so I'm a fan of your characterization of him, but I really do think he shone in that battle)

Seems to me that your writing style has changed over the course of this story, and in a good way. Not that you didn't start out well, but I think your descriptions in particular got tighter and more relevant. I need to go back and read the entire story in order to fully appreciate it - it was confusing sometimes as to what was happening when - but as it stands I think you did an awesome job! I look forward to whatever you write next. I saw your Star Trek fic, but I think I need to see the movie first...now I have one more reason to do so :-)

THANK YOU for this! I love this fic- so thank you SO much for finishing it and the ending... magnifique! Everything about this is... I don't even have the words, I especially love the last dialogue between Aki and Mits... can you write a second epilogue...? Please?!

I must say, the timing of this epilogue seemed to fall perfectly for me. Just in the last month, I had discovered this story and I could not stop reading it. When I found out there was an epilogue to come, I was greatly looking forward to it, and now here it is, so soon after I experienced the rest of the work. I'll try not to get too wordy here, but I feel like I owe it to you as a clearly-accomplished author to post a review of your work, a work that I loved reading every word of.

You have an amazing grasp on tone and perspective, matching each observation to each unique character, crafting scenarios that one could easily believe these characters were experiencing together, and the method in which you blurred the lines between reality and construct. I absolutely loved the dynamic between the three Senpai, not just in this epilogue, but throughout the entire story. You really dove into their subtleties as characters and expanded profoundly on plots only hinted at throughout the Persona canon, and even created several of your own that were just as impactful, if not more so. The entire time you wove this personalized narrative, I felt that you were completely honoring the attitudes, personalities, and history of these characters throughout every moment.

At times, the perspective shifting could get a bit tricky to follow, which might technically be considered a bad thing in terms of clarity, but I thought it was brilliant. Whether you intended to do it or not, the uncertainty the reader felt when thrown into a situation they had no context for matched what the characters themselves might be experiencing, suddenly finding themselves in a strange and unfamiliar situation, questioning if it was reality or not. Every so often, one of the characters might say something that went against their predisposition or personality (specifically Shinjiro, though not to the point that it ever broke his character). Barring those rare moments, all of the characters behaved exactly how I would have expected.

Your Minato was a fun and refreshing take on the "silent protagonist." It was truly your own interjection into the world. Akihiko, Mitsuru, and Shinjiro all have character traits that are predetermined and crucial to their development, but Minato being what he is allowed for a much more personal touch to his character. His mild sarcasm coupled with his nonchalant seriousness made for a very dynamic character, and the moments that he was the focus in the story, you really made him shine.

Honestly, I could go on and on about your story. Persona 3 is something that is incredibly close to my heart, the characters, the game itself, the canon, the world, and all of its subtle plots. You hooked me from the very moment I began reading this story and kept me interested until the very last word. I caught myself wishing at the end that there would be just one more chapter, one more paragraph, even just a sentence extra. This is, hands down, the greatest personalized story that I've ever had the joy of experiencing in regards the Persona Universe. The way you expanded on the characters and their idiosyncrasies, their own unique pasts, and the relationships with one other and their personae was nothing short of masterful. You should be extremely proud of what you've written.

I look forward to your next project and, once more, thank you for your touching, creative, and beautiful take on a world I love experiencing. You have a permanent reader and fan in me.

Jrhall2

Awesome story!

I like the irony of Shinjiro telling Minato not to give him anything, obliquely referring to his death. And then how it's immediately followed in the next scene with the offerings at his grave.

Initially this chapter's focus on Minato had me a little baffled. While he's been important, this has seemed like the upperclassmen's story. But I think you did a good job using Minato bring the focus on the senpai, from Shinjiro's last talk with Minato to the talisman Minato gives Akihiko and Mitsuru. Speaking of which, it's a good plot device, bringing them back to their genesis as a team. I'm looking forward to seeing the memory.

Crit:
Death and all His associates - sorry, it makes me think of the Coldplay album, so it felt jarring
but it doesn't [mean] she's malicious either
"He could have flattened my face in if he wanted," Minato added. - "He" is Akihiko? The dialogue's progression is unclear in that scene.
With language so refined I made Mitsuru blush in shame - I like the sentiment, but the voice doesn't sound quite like Shinjiro to me.
wondering from last week - It's unclear what's being referred to.
Mitsuru greeted - "greeted" needs an object

In general, you should be aware of your readers' perspective. We don't know the story's ins and outs as well as you do, so there are times when you should locate your story, where the characters are, when during the timeline the scene is, and what they're talking about (if they're referring to something in the past, for instance). This story is non-linear with a lot of memories and false perceptions tumbling around in it, so it can be very easy for the reader to get lost.

Anyway, sorry this review was so long in coming. I'm looking forward to the epilogue.

My sincerest apologies if this well-deserved review took so long. Not the greatest excuse, but I just HAD to finish reading all the current chapters before I lay down this review.

Okay, so first off, I just LOVE the way you play with your words; the description, the setting, atmosphere, conversation- EVERYTHING. Your use of these words make the scene really vivid in my mind's eye.

Second, the characters. Spot on, from dialogue, to their Personae, to the smallest... mannerisms(?) to the most obvious movements, to their choice of language(Shinjiro's swearing comes to mind). I like how you convey their personalities through some of their body language, and it's superb.

Third, well, the Akihiko/Mitsuru dynamic. I am a fan of the pairing, and the hints(Subtle or no) in the entirety of this story had me smiling every now and then. I specially loved their shared scene in the Kirijo Gala-Akihiko's trust in Mitsuru shone through as he strove to encourage her.

I managed to locate some typos and grammatical errors along the way, but that did nothing to hinder this great story's impact on me.

Keep it up!

-Crimson :)

So, it was all part of the game between Minato and Elizabeth? The senpai were just playing it in his place? Really interesting, actually. It paints your Minato in a certain light that I think is really fitting. Reflected in the way you characterize him too - suitably ambiguous and somewhat unnatural, both very fitting given his role. I'm surprised that he thought Elizabeth was vindictive, but given her nature, perhaps it's to be expected. Or is there something I missed in their history?

A lot of explanatory dialogue to squeeze into one chapter, particularly in the last scene, but you handled it well. I like the parallels you drew between Shinjiro and Minato's behaviour in their respective 'last days' - 'it's wasted on me', etc. - as well as Minato's understated reaction to Shinjiro punching him in the face ;) The little Akihiko/Mitsuru moments (at least, that's how I read them) were much appreciated too. Is the final chapter going to cover their return to the trio's first night as SEES?

A typo I noticed: "one that had to exchanged"

The environment for this chapter is a real standout - these suspended platforms where Tartarus' inner workings are "discombobulated" (great word choice) around them. It's a good visual that mirrors the characters' psychological state.

The grim humor works really well here, both from Shinjiro and Minato - "You are absolutely lovely" is a favorite line.

Really strong writing during the fight scenes, the rhythm of the events, the switches to different characters' perspectives. Easy to visualize with lots of momentum, yet it still takes time to look at what the characters are thinking and feeling.

Crit:

Looking at technical things, the "whereupon the enormity...settle upon her" line feels redundant. Mitsuru's already realized the extent of their situation in the "devastating epiphany" paragraph.

The scene where Minato fights Mitsuru - what is it that makes her realize it's really him? I like that the moment is underplayed, but I think it could be clarified.

"power would be [crucial] to success"

"balance in a spin, Minato" - missing space there

end crit

Good ending for this chapter too. Oh Elizabeth, you are indeed a class act.

I love how these three argue even while death-dealing and life-saving.

Lots of good action in this chapter. I like how the presence of fire plays on all three of their pasts, Aki and Shinji in the orphanage, Mitsuru at her mother's funeral.

crit:

Where does the opening scene fit in? How many continuities are there? Is this in the past? If so, you should clarify, because that one really threw me.

watch out for close word repetition and awkward phrasing, capitalization/comma usage around dialogue tags

word choice: "rejuvenation" isn't the same thing as healing

"and soon The Elegant Mother was looming" - no comma

Sorry this review's been so long in coming. It's great to get back to this story.

Very sorry for the delay - read this a while ago, thought I had reviewed it at the time - then came back to read again and realized I was wrong...

Anyway, let me correct that :)

Really like the setup in the first scene - the green fog and broken stairways. Creepy and atmospheric. As usual, you have an amazing handle on the interplay between Shinjiro and Mitsuru. (Appropriate that he's on the middle platform, too)

Fight scene was great, particularly Akihiko's section. Very plausible that he'd put up the most resistance. I liked the mentions you made of how the original trio operate vs. Minato and the other newer members - i.e. the distinct differences in their experiences and reactions. That period of time where S.E.E.S. was just the three senpai (and then just Akihiko and Mitsuru) is far too underdeveloped in canon.

Minato's just fascinating throughout. Super confident. Love his dynamic with Elizabeth...can't really put it into words. Electric? "I had no idea Elizabeth's architectural skills were so...sexy!" - love this line, especially given Thor's background commentary.

All leads up to the final scene, which is just perfect for them both. (Though nearly drowning in a fountain is...not very heroic. And on a side note. I'm glad to hear someone mention the obvious problem with Minato's penchant for headphones)

Awesome chapter all round :) Keep up the good work as you wrap this story up!