JUST A CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.
Okay. I am really confuse right now. I have reread this story again but all I encounter is loads of adjectives. It is great for feature writing and all but come on! I barely catch the plot of the entire story. I guess in your case less is more. Simple advice man. Make it simple. Too much using of uncommon words leads to confusion and I have to consult the dictionary for some words. But yeah. Less is more man.

I've a few of the other reviews and I have to say I agree with some of the things they have said. Here's some honest criticism. You pay too much attention to the things that don't matter in the story and neglect the things that do. Nine chapters in and I still don't know what kind of person Roy is or who Riza is. It's difficult for me to be emotionally invested in a story when I can't understand the characters. You haven't included character motivations or personal histories. I know what the rooms look like and what clothes the characters are wearing, but I can't tell you what the plot is. What is the rose? Is that a mystery? People are dying? Why are people dying? Are they even dying? All the details on the marble statues and crystal chandeliers just end up melting together and the rooms you carefully described from your research all end up sounding the same. The grandiloquence detracts from the story by directing a reader's attention to so many different things that don't matter in the long run and I still don't get a sense of a world being created. The scenes feel incredibly disconnected from the world and from each other. Try working on the connections between things like the way people react to events/ others and impact others. There were many loose ends that I'm not sure if you either forgot about or deemed not important and cut them off. For example, the dead heir. Roy was going to inform his family but he never went and seemingly no impact came from it on the Mustang family. Riza had no real reaction to seeing Roy on the staircase and his kindness with calling the cooks for her didn't seem to have any impact on the way she treated Roy later in the ballroom. If vivid descriptions are part of your style, I'm not telling you that you have to get rid of them, just make sure they matter to the story like if it builds a world that feels dynamic rather than static like literally describing a picture in a thousand words. Also, mystery doesn't mean you have to obscure the plot. The direction a story follows should be clear at all times. I'm also really confused with the lady in waiting thing and if there was a timeskip after or did she master a dance in a few minutes? These sound and are small but little unclear details scattered throughout can really add up and confuse. And, as a reader I need a reason for Roy to love Riza and I'm still confused about what's going on and why is she crying, and what pain in chapter 9. Or maybe a few of these things were there because I didn't read closely enough (I admit I skimmed over a lot of the descriptions because they made my eyes water).

Wow this was an amazing story. I hope that Riza and Roy see each other in the sequel since you mentioned that you were doing a this story..and what happend the Rose?

Right. Minor glitch but: Maria Ross does not have red hair and green eyes.

Its actually not surprising in the slightest that you came up with this from Pirates of Caribbean and the DaVinci Code. I'm just surprised I didn't see the connections before. Well, I did to the DaVinci code. PotC makes sense. Shmeh. Elizabeth. Shmeh. But not just that.

Sometimes, your chapters have the tendency to sound like you just went through with a thesaurus and picked the fanciest most unusual words. It honestly doesn't make your story better, it makes it more irritating to read. Fancy words are meant to describe things BETTER the problem is, yours aren't doing that. Sometimes, simpler words work actually much better, and it would add some variation! I mean seriously, "fauna and flora"? Seriously?

Ok I'm going to give you an extremely honest review: I wont judge the story yet but the writing style: the way you're stuffing it with descriptions and too many adjectives doesn't sound natural. It sounds forced and it makes it itmrritating to read. It's not that you're misusing the words (although coriander is not luscious), but more that you can't pull off this style. It sounds like you're imitating an author's style with meticulous description, and long sentences. Key: it SOUNDS like you're imitating. Also, you describe about ten different things in a paragraph, throwing a couple actions in. It doesn't work. Every time you describe something new, try to start a new paragraph. It would make it a lot more readable. Also, vary your sentence structure. They can't ALL be overly long. And cut the "Alas, tis". You can't pull it off. Though all this actually got better near the end of the chapter. That bit was good, and sounded more or less natural. Just remember: your story turns out better if you find your own voice rather than imitating Dan Brown or I'm not sure who you were thinking of when you wrote this. Thanks.

Great story... all your stories r great plz cum up with a new one soon

Aww! Poor Riza! And Roy seriously needs to get his act together, or I WILL find him and backhand him. I feel so bad for Riza. She has had a really unfortunate life. Abandoned, sold, servant, abandoned again. But this time, it was from the one person she loved. I'm going to start crying for her. And let me tell you, I am not a crier. But it's still really sad. And Gracia's so nice, she gave up her job (not that it was much of one) to help Riza. That's so nice! And Maes is probably disgusted with Roy right now. Ah, well. Such is life. But this is a really great story! I mean, even my favorite authors generally have some grammar mistakes or something (I don't really pike auhors who can't spell or use proper gr

Woah. Riza's had a tough life... Even tougher than I thought, and I'd thought that it was pretty bad. Well, anyhow, I just wanted to let you know tht you're doing a great job and that you should keep up the excellent work.

Write on!

~MC

Yay! 100th review! (I think) I feel special now. Well, anywhat, I really like this story. The way you set up the characters was done well, and I love your history references. Joan of Arc, Archangel Michael, Saint Agnes, etc. This was all done very well, and you should be immensely proud of yourself. ]

Write on!

~MC

WTF i dun like it when other said tat riza is bein used or other sexual bla bla bla,onli,ONLY roy can do it damn de story no offence but WWWWWWTTTTTTFFFFFF!

VERY GOOD.

You have perfected the art of packing punches in less words. It always leaves more impact. Trust me.

BELLISSIMO!

I admit your lengthy descriptions were a bit much in the beginning, but the story was grand. I do believe, you are the first author I wish wrote LESS! That's an accomplishment in itself!

At first, I was going to chastise you for ending their WITH ABSOLUTELY NO EXPLANATIONS

until I saw you're continuing. :) I totally forgot I came to this story in the first place to read the prequel before I got started in the middle of story and yes. xD

SOOOO I'm off to keep reading, Iii dun wanna stall no mo'e!

Hi there. I've got to say, this is a pretty interesting start to a story. I'm not versed in European history, so I'll have to look it up. But thanks for writing all the desciptive details of the locations and events. Very neat stuff. I was pleased to see Havoc included in this chapter. Now, onto reading the rest of the story.