Not bad, there're times where you could've worded it better, but the overall story is gabbing and entertaining, so that's a plus. One thing I noticed is that you should've capitalized Shadow Squad the second you used, consistency matters, also make sure to add commas - "This is Shadow Squad, repeat, this is Shadow Squad..." You got potential for telling stories, and don't worry about accuracy, it's a fan fiction. I could write yu gi oh fanficiton that takes place in the star trek universe, nobody would care unless their fanboys/girls, and their opinions don't really count our realm.

Good grip on Quake violence which is good, need to improve grammer

I'm glad I read this. The idea of a teenager being taken into the ranks of the military out of desperation - that's full of possibilities.

The only thing I'm going to pick on is some of the spelling. Like, the sound of "meddle" instead of metal. These are things that make the reader snap back to reality and say "Whoa, I'm reading something." Which makes it hard to keep reading.

But this is an awesome story with a lot of potential. The opening was cool. Right away, there's a problem... being turned into Strogg Spam. I hope you pick this back up.