Could use done work but so far it's nice. I can see though that you had an idea that was likely unique at the time.

Mack more!

please continue love it

Love the plot. Though, I think you need a beta reader. The story doesn't have the right grammar so it's difficult to read and that gets a bit annoying.

hi sissy I loved the chapter.

Rewrite is needed, i dont understand the dialogues

Brilliant!

I think that's the same story the way is was on the chapter that be 16,or is it the end?

What a sweet chapter! I thought it was sweet when Lucario got a family of his own, and when Ash was given the special pajamas. Awww! :)

Oh, how darling! They truly seem to love Ash. :)

Such a wonderful story, it's so sweet how Aaron and Lady Rin care for little Ash.

I like the premise of the story, I haven't read anything like this, but there are a few problems that need to be noted. The most important is you don't put any quotation marks on your dialogue. This is needed so you know where what they are saying starts and ends. I often find myself having to re-read things to get it right as I end up reading who said something as part of what they say. Another thing is in a paragraph, if a new person says something, you skip a line, that way there is some separation to who does what. another thing is the pacing, you are having characters fix problems too fast so the story seems rushed. This may seem like a lot but these are basic mistakes that are an easy fix. These things are actually part of the fan fiction guidelines so its required that these things are fixed. It really is a good story though.

mind if i take over

this is just a huge confusing paragraph

I love it but I did'nt like it when the tub show out of no where and what was in the box