Bloodysword99. Listen to me. Hive up on yourself and you give up on the world. So never give up

I feel you, dude. I feel you. I had to write an eight-page paper in one night because of something similar, not to mention the countless times I didn't save something properly and had to write it over again. While writing something over again is a bit disheartening, wait until you want to write it again rather than forcing yourself, and don't focus on making it the same as it was before, you'll find you're having a lot more fun and coming up with some great ideas. I also fall victim to the forgetting what happens later, so I always make a short checklist of what I want to happen in a story, specific lines I want to use, etc. That might help you as you remember what you meant to write and if something this unfortunate ever happens to you again.

Alright, now into the actual review. Let it be known that Moses is my favorite Tales of character, thus I had to read this fic. If I were you, I would definitely change up the summary-or at least grammatically correct it. There are a number of fairly obvious mistakes riddled through out these chapters which I am 100% you'd notice immediately if you just read through them. Also, a lot of dialogue/action parts are very unclear. I can't tell who's doing what or who's saying what. You seem to rely almost entirely on dialogue, which is very cool. Dialogue is one of my weakest points...Anyway, because of your reliance on dialogue, I can see this fic very easily as a fan-made section of the game. Like with the character models and the little textboxes-the whole nine yards. Maybe you should learn how to write screenplays But, be aware that because this isn't a fan made game, or a script, but in fact prose, it needs to be clear what is going on and therw needs to be more "prose." More actions detailed out, more descriptions, creating emotion without dialogue. There is a book called "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" which has long breaks in which there is no dialogue, but the reader still feels all the emotion. I would suggest reading that book so you can learn, and also because it's awesome. I would also suggest going back in the earlier chapters and lightening up the foreshadowing, because it's painfully obvious. Maybe not eliminate it, but instead of "You remind me of my brother, you look exactly like him, but he's dead," you write "you remind me of someone." It's a lot more mysterious (bad guys are always mysterious :D) and the reader will be much more intrigued.

If your writing style improved, this would become a bazillion times cooler than it already is. There are some scenes that make me shiver. Just "oh my God that is so brilliant" shivers. Specifically the one where Moses begins speaking Relares. That is a terrifying thought for me, and it's a scary mental picture! Great idea! Bravo Encore! It was wonderful. Go back and read that scene and give yourself a pat on the back because it's a great idea. Also, you may notice how you can describe things to make that scene even more tense-Maybe Shirley is shaking, afraid, or Moses's eye is narrowed and his brow furrowed, his chin pushed forward. Anything you want to do! As soon as you learn how to use them along with your skillful dialogue, your prose will improve one thousand fold.

I think this will be a good story to come back to, after you finished it. Maybe a while, maybe just a few weeks. It's like a draft with some really great ideas, that with just a little bit of polishing could be absolutely dazzling! Not to mention the fact that revisiting older works is always fun. Maybe instead of jumping back into the story, you decide to look back at your older chapters and realize areas where you can improve. There is no wrong way. Continue working hard and I cannot wait for this story to continue. :)

Iceclaw14

this is one of my favorites... everytime i read it i cry... i would be so happy if this got finished. hope you can cheer up soon
sylph

yay new chapter!

Mysteries are unfolding, what'll happen next I wonder? XD

UPDATE SOON!

(I would have never expected Grune to come back, it was my little unexpected moment XD)

XD Norma jokes the truth!

Having Moses eat souls XD. Well that's going to be one mess of a fest!

Will moses say yes or no to Nyx... in any case it looks like he's going to have a brain sprain soon enough! XD

Update soon!

Quite a trial to get there, if I say so myself XD

It's hard to say if the story is coming to a good or bad outcome, questions are answered as new ones appear, it's quite enjoyable

And more importantly, it make me want to know what happen next!

Update soon!

This last chapter really made me feel sad for Moses

Anyway, it's great as usual _

There's so many mysteries going around, I wanna know what'll happen next!

Update soon!

The story keeps getting better

I really hope that you'll update it soon!

And yeah, most obviously, Moses is the only one pure enought to accept the truth whole heartedly XD (though I wouldn't mind him loosing a little of that purity to Will )

Anyway, I just really love Moses and this fic is great, so please, update!

Looks nice!

Hope you update soon!

And poor Moses, no one seem to care for his intense pain XD

Ah! I'm so impatient now... O.O