Don't listen to the other reviews, I think this is great! Please keep going and try to write more! .

I think you have some potential, but your grammar is all wrong. Also, I'm not really sure what's going on here... you should make this longer! This would be a cool introduction to something! ;)

Spell check, dude! Make it longer next time.

Whoever told you that you could write must have been intoxicated at the time.

Seriously, what was going through your head when you decided to post this? It’s dreadful.

Do you take some kind of sick, twisted pleasure in mangling the English language?

Please, delete this.

Generally, people like chapters that took more than five minutes to write.