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Wow. Hot yet horrible at the same time! XD

Poor Silver...

Hawt. Make another please. :)

Hot x 1000! Best threesome of those three I have ever seen. But one question, is Silver now permanently converted?

you are just plain cruel to silver.

Awesome job. Great detail, captured the characters well, and I was not expecting a full-on threesome when I clicked this.

You did a great job with this. I hope to see more of this couple or any other yaoi couple from you in the future.

...

WOW!...Just...WOW! Poor Silver! *ninja kicks Sonic & Silver* BASTARDS!

Soo hot. man I’m so jealous, that was awesome!

And those lines “Dude, he's bleeding.” And “No shit you idiot.” Were classic sonic and shadow

My only critique That part about shadow pulling off all silver clothes in one go that’s a little unrealistic and a bit silly. try taking you’re time with the clothes. I know there a nuisance but it’s worth the time. that and silver covering method seem a little off. I would expect someone to use their hands to cover that part instead of entirely contorting there body but the again maybe silver couldn’t move his hands…

Ah well, any story that involves silver getting two manhood’s shoved into him gets triple A’s from me.

A

I am also jealous of the name. I can never think of any good ones and yours is so cool

Oh...wow... This is the third story I've read with all three of them together, but this by far was the most defined and had the most description. It made my pupils dialate and I give you an A for being able to do that. Not very many stories make my pupils dialate.

holy cow, was silver a freakin virgin? nice story, a bit sad for silv, but still good

WOW! Very nicely done, with the start beginning at the mall, then shifting straight to a room. I wish i could teleport to a place like that. It would be perfect! I think this story is great and more should be made like it. Amazing job Shadow .

First story here? Definetly great story then! Most likely better than me when I started, but I do see problems which I'm afraid I must give feedback on.

First and foremost: Speech. Know that in grammar, when someone speaks, it starts a new paragraph, or at least a new line. For example, Instead of:

_

~He shrugged it off and turned back to face his mouth-watering meal. He grabbed one of the chili dogs and brought it up to his mouth, but right as it was just an inch away, the other calmly spoke “Don't.”. The azure hedgehog then looked at his friend, his mouth still slightly open and prepared to consume the chili dog, the ebony hedgehog still had his eyes fixed on the Dynamo Diner, so the azure hedgehog then opened his mouth wider to, yet again, try and devour his food.~

It should have been:

~He shrugged it off and turned back to face his mouth-watering meal. He grabbed one of the chili dogs and brought it up to his mouth, but right as it was just an inch away, the other calmly spoke.

“Don't."

The azure hedgehog looked at his friend, his mouth still slightly open and prepared to consume the chili dog, the ebony hedgehog still had his eyes fixed on the Dynamo Diner, so the azure hedgehog then opened his mouth wider to, yet again, try and devour his food.~

_

I'm surprised that you chose an "alternate reality" for your first Sonic story, but I can't really fault you for that, though they aren't my cup of tea.

Also beware of unnecassary words: such as ~The azure hedgehog then looked at his friend~ The "Then" was unneeded.

You also tend to drag on sentences, remember that no matter how many comma's, a sentence should be able to be read without stopping to breath. I saw some very long sentences there...

True, this story may have been generally from Sonic and Shadow's POV, but you didn't explain how Silver was much at all. Not much descriptions on what he was thinking, feeling or even what his facial expression showed.

Also, third-person POV shouldn't be informal, so when you write "Oh-so-irrestistable", it would have made more sense to modify the sentence and put it inside Silver's "thoughts".

OK, those are all the important points I can see, now to go on with what I am (quite honestly) impressed with:

You write nice, long stories/chapters, even for a One-shot. While your insights into characters may need a little work, you also described what was happening VERY well, almost certainly better than what I write now.

I admit I'm no Lemon-lover, but the "lemon" was very well written, especially since you drew it out. The longer the "lemon" scene, the better I've found.

Your paragraphing is also good, but would be even better with the character speechnew paragraph rule. Beside one very large paragraph in the middle, (Which, again, is mostly because of cramped speaking) I had no problem reading through.

Just checking: while this is clearly an alternate-reality of sorts, are the characters still supposed to be exactly the same? Because if so, I'm afraid you only got half of Sonic's persona right. Most rape-fics (which this just about classifies as) with Sonic as the one raping another REALLY don't work...

The choice of wording for the characters was also very good though: I especially liked the sentence: "It’s…It’s all just too fast…this isn’t right…" because it described Silver's feelings almost perfectly. I was a tiny bt confused up to there.

Very neat ending for a One-shot, and of course, fantastically inspirational name for the story...

OK, VERY good for first story, the only REAL problem is the character speechnew paragraph.

Sorry if the first half of my review sounded cruel, I'm only trying to help.

Until next time, Farewell!

P.S. Once more: Good job. If you need anything: A review, an idea, anything. Just ask.

that was so hot. i love it. nice job on ur first