Nice one shot. The story gave me a deep sense of sadness due to the unfortunate fate of Ed and Al. At the end, there was a slight glimmer of Ed in Pride's eyes. Sadly, even if Ed were to resurface, he would discover that his entire world was gone. He'd realize the bitter truth that his brother and everyone he knew and loved was dead. That's what makes this story so powerfully deep yet sad. It's a very good story.

i don't get it

This is pretty good.

I don't suppose you could maybe tell me what the page was that you can read the story from the game from could you? I've been looking for something like that for a while now but I can't find it.

:o

Selv om jeg ikke har nogen anelse om hvordan den har det i forhold til canon, er den rigtig god. Der er nogle steder med forkert bøjede ord og hvor man kunne have formuleret det bedre, men ikke nok til at det virkelig generede. Jeg kunne også rigtig godt lide til sidst hvor du beskriver hvad han vil blive.

I loved it! And the last line was perfect, yet sad. It seems Ed wasn't completely lost all those years. I wonder what would've happened if he HAD seen Alphonse that day?

There are a few grammatical errors. The biggest was how you often used "weren't", which is actually "were not" and therefore plural, when you were referring to one person. Instead of, for example "Pride weren't", it should have been "Pride wasn't"- "Pride was not". I know there were a few others that I've forgotten, but this one really stuck out because it was so frequent.

Anyway, brilliant story! Definitely adding this to my favorites!

Wow, nice! I really loved it, it's well written. The detail was great, and so was Pride's detachment.

Good job with this!

~YukinoKara

You SO have to write more of these. I started crying at this part

'It had opened on a page, where the ink was messier and some of the words were hard to read. Maybe it had rained down on the page when it had been written?'

It just showed so well, that this isn't Edward. It's Pride. and Pride is not human. By the devil, the whole emotion of it... it was fantastic. Just that feeling you get in the end. Ed's a monster; this is how it is. Accept it. There's no other choice. And the slight hints that Envy actually care about Pride, just a little bit, from his talk to Alphonse...

This piece is amazing (though I must admit, it took me alittle long time to catch on the fact that it was their old house xD It was like 'oh, Al's journal...' *read* 'Oh! OF COURSE! IT'S THEIR HOUSE!' Haha, I think my brain was too tired xD

WRITE MORE LIKE THIS!

And that's an order

- LadyCarlie