cute

Oh god I love this. I love this love this love this. It's so freaking beautiful, the writing just makes my breath hitch. My goodness there really are so few fics that can really blow me away like yours do in so few words.

I am so glad i stumbled upon this.

Wow this story is so beautiful. Where do I start?

Well, for one thing, you masterfully portray this potentially extremely problematic relationship in such a manner that it leaves the reader feeling enriched rather than soiled. That in itself is already an achievement.

The language - oh, the language is SO wonderful - the way you smoothly incorporate metaphors and personifications and so many other images don't interrupt the flow of the story at all, but instead make the tale far richer in the telling. In addition, your use of present tense is absolutely perfect - most people cannot pull it off and it merely becomes awkward (and even more so when it's not consistent!), but pull it off masterfully. I really think that this is one of the few stories where past tense would cut its impact by half.

The portrayal of Mokuba as a griffin is adorable - I can just imagine that picture. I wonder what significance that girl has for Mokuba. She seems to care for him, and I suppose that if he didn't care for her at all he wouldn't keep her picture of him as his only memento of the trip, but he doesn't seem to care particularly that the address has been torn off.

I love how Mokuba's desperation comes through in that one short section about his actual trip. It seems that all the time he is desperately trying NOT to think about Seto, and yet he keeps being reminded of him at every corner.

I wonder what the pregnant women and market sellers thought when they suddenly found a couple of hundred dollars hidden away in their possessions. Did they rejoice? Did they think it was a plot against them, to accuse them of theft or worse? Did they think it was fake money?

This sentence does not quite make sense to me: "Mokuba shuffles off, hails a cab, and after a thousand minor indignations of transit finds himself at buzzed into the threshold of the manse." Is that an 'at' too many or am I simply not understanding something? Four sentences after that, I think there's a 'he' missing.

The way you describe Mokuba's journey into the mansion and down the hallway is utterly fantastic. I would never have thought to write that he closes his eyes in reverence, and it fits absolutely perfectly. Same paragraph: the interjection of the 'oh' in the last sentence is perfect.

The reunion scene is quite possibly the most intense scene I can ever remember reading. And - and he bites him instead of kissing him, and I NEVER would have come up with that, but it's BEYOND perfect, and it conveys the arousal and fierce joy and the emotions of that moment SO well... I wish I had the eloquence to truly convey my feelings about this one scene.

I love how there's absolutely no dialogue in the entire story except for at the very end - it makes the little dialogue that DOES finally appear all the more special. Also, I think I remember that bit about 'you are my heir' from the series (or am I just imagining things?). Brilliant how you re-interpreted that to fit this little story into the original. Also, FANTASTIC ending.

Lastly, I would just like to say thank you, thank you SO much for writing this story and gifting us with it by posting it here. It is stories like this one that make reading fanfiction, no matter how mediocre or even terrible most of them may be, truly worthwhile. Thank you!

~Sylv

That was beautifully written.

Each description was amazingly, heart-breakingly wonderful, and I had to read this twice over to absorb its brilliance.

Followed/stalked you from the 'it's the beat'.

That...Was interesting. Well written. Will there be more, or was it a one shot? I'll alert it anyway.

..Wow! I - I absolutely LOVE it! Damn that is SO cute! ~3 And the library is closing, so I'll leave a more extensive review when I get home - anonymous, I guess, but if I don'T tell you this now, I won't do it XP So here's my promise to you! Proper review later on for this brilliant story! XD

It's so hard to find well-written incestfics on this site, and I was pleasantly surprised by this. The writing has that flowing, informal edge that I love but can never manage.

Keep it up! :)