Great!

Nice chapter!

who goes on dates when they are in battle and are fighting for their life?

Yeah, definetly needs some work in the grammer department, and you could try capitializing things that need it, i.e. Master Chief, not master Chief.

PS: Do NOT read Call of Duty, by Chris. It is TEH SUCK!1!1 zOMG! Just a horrible rip off of every action movie every made. Quite literally. Borders on uber plagerism.

Let's see... not much I can say here. Your actual writing is okay... a little on the shaky side, but acceptable. The plotting is... fast, to say the least. I might drag out each section a bit more to give some room for character development and actual plot beyond following the Halo story.

Hmm... too many cigars. Ever smoked one? It takes a while to actually finish the darn thing. If I were you, I'd limit it to one cigar every two chapters - if you MUST have him constantly lighting up. Too many references, and I get a mental picture of Johnson with about six stogies in his mouth at once.

There are some technical issues - like spelling, grammar, and capitalization. Word to the wise: run your writing through Microsoft Word and use its grammar/spell-check function. That'll take care of most of your formatting problems.

Good usage of in-game dialogue, but I would try not to entirely rely on that. Use some of that creativity you showed in the first chapter. And where's the Johnson/Foehammer? ;-)

Nice !

Please update soon !

Nice!

Awesome work !

Keep Going !

this is getting some where. just in the beggining the Deep breath yea um its uncapitalize. the rest is good really. read my story! Call of Duty!