so I know Inu can be a little agressive bout Kag in that she's his but even in the heat of the moment he still wants to make sure it's also what Kag wants...I know it may sound a little sexiest but when Inu goes all "mine" it's so hot there's nothing wrong w/submission as long as they're in agreement.. love how write your stories...this one no exception... keep writing so I can keep reading

The author did an amazing job writing a well-done lemon scene between Inuyasha and kagome by explaining every detail of how everything started from the beginning of the story towards the end. As I was reading the one-shot you can feel every type of emotion between them. If there was a star button I will give more than five stars, I love it. Thank you for writing this amazing story.

Soo funny i love iiiit!

Amazing! ️️️

This was so great! Thank you.

Hey! Just stumbled upon this and have a few thoughts.
1. GREAT WRITING. I enjoyed the descriptions a lot. And the arguing felt spot on. They're both hot heads.
2. However, the sex scene felt a bit rapey. It felt like Inuyasha felt entitled to her. As if she hadn't been begging for his affection for a while, suddenly, because he decides it, they're a thing? He kept saying she was his, which is usually dominating and sexy as long as he is also hers, which wasn't said at all because his whole thing was he was "staking a claim", which pretty much dehumanizes her as property for him to take.

The criticism can pretty much be fixed without changing the whole story. All you would have to do is add more confirmation on Kagome's end. Maybe have her remind him, in a sexy way, that he is hers as well. (Such as, while he's dominating her, have her take more control. Or perhaps have it be said in the heated argument, blurted it out accidently. Playing with language a bit works too, like instead of saying he's going to fuck her, saying she's going to fuck him changed the narrative and gives her some power which is pretty hot too.) just some suggestions. Keep it up! :)

Thanks for sharing your writing with us, you have a lot of potential as a steamy scene writer. I think the only thing limiting your story telling is your attention to details. I don’t mean the graphic visuals, those you’ve got plenty of. Instead it’s the typos and details of the plot that seem a bit lazy and not well thought out. This may cause readers like myself to become disconnected from the characters and distracted from the story.

For example:
- Hojo’s inability to pick up what’s being laid down. Is any one really THAT oblivious? A girl shows up, an attractive guy on her hip (or literally wrapped around her and nibbling on her neck and giving you the stink eye) and you say dumbly “So you guys must just be friends?” Find a guy who is actually that dumb and I’ll give you a cookie. This came off as lazy conflict creation.
- At the beginning of the evening Inu & Kagome are a couple of blushing stiffs struggling with adjusting to more ‘forward displays of affection’ (in this case her holding his arm and resting her head on his shoulder, or him putting a hand on her hip) and less than an hour later he’s this smug, demanding, handsy guy and they end up making out and dry humping in a club. Um, what?
- Inuyasha’s inner monologue calls Hojo a “pansy” for likely not having experience in pleasuring a woman. So what’s up, has Inu been man-whoring around and we just don’t know it? Because the other details in your story make it pretty clear that he and Kagome are not experienced with each other (he blushes when she holds his arm for crying out loud).
- Speaking of virgins... Sorry, but the whole “we’ve never even made it to first base but the first time we have sex it’s this dirty-talking, scream-to-the-ceiling while getting roughly pounded into orgasmic bliss experience” is so unrealistic and impersonal. That kind of sex is fun to write and read, but it doesn’t belong in the first-timers category. Also, people who write tears-in-the-eyes-painful hymen breaking cherry-pop scenes followed by mind shattering orgasms seem...uninformed. Pick a direction and commit to it, don’t blend the two together. Losing the V-card, OR porno F%#!ing, not both in the same story.
- You wrote that Inuyasha was wearing a bandana but then promptly forgot about it in all other scenes.
- Unless this is set in some rock metal club with a mosh pit, the way you described the behavior of the patrons is a little ridiculous. From crappy dive clubs or the poshest places in Vegas, you don’t get bruised from maneuvering through the crowd (although being slammed into a bar edge by some big dude running into you would definitely hurt. That’s not what I’m addressing here). Also, if someone falls (which can happen thanks to drunken dudes and girls is sky-high shoes), people don’t just kick or step on them. People help them up, even if it’s just because they themselves don’t want to trip over you on the floor. This kind of rough behavior and brawling is even less likely in a club that is allowing in people under 21.
- If for some reason Kagome DID end up on the floor and came out with bruising a “mixture of blue and yellow spreading from her ribs down to her hips and flaring out to her back”, that would be PAINFUL and not at all enjoyable during some hard and heavy shagging.
- “Her fingers were BECOMING SORE from being stepped on REPEATEDLY”. I’m sorry, have you ever had YOUR hand stepped on? Sore doesn’t begin to cover it. This might have been the most obvious lack of attention to the significance of wording in story telling.
- There’s a real overuse of the word “bitch” from Inuyasha here. It doesn’t at all sound affectionate but instead demeaning and very OOC in its usage.
- Who sticks their hand down the waistband of a skirt? That’s why it’s a skirt! This part made me laugh.
- Inuyasha gets too aggressive and forceful, ignoring Kagome’s protests (even her trying to push him off of her). Kagome becomes afraid of him, and then we are supposed to feel bad that HIS feelings were hurt because she’s uncomfortable? I thought there was great potential in this scene to be true to the characters. To show that Inu could have become carried away by instincts and maybe was a little clueless. That he would feel bad, apologize and reassure her. But for him to feel HURT, and her to feel GUILTY, that SHE was suddenly afraid or uncomfortable because he was being, quite frankly, an insensitive douche- that’s just ridiculous. Just because we know someone wouldn’t hurt us intentionally, doesn’t mean it’s OUR fault when they do make us uncomfortable.
- I don’t see them both being so clueless as to get into a screaming match, half naked in her room, when her family is supposedly in the rooms next to hers. However, I did enjoy her calling him out on why he’s suddenly being a possessive asshat and won’t explain to her why he’s suddenly so eager to get into her pants. Is it so bad for a girl to get a little romance or reassurance? Geez. Instead it ends with her giving in, telling him what he wants to hear, and she gets no admission from him. Instead he just plows ahead. And she just goes with it because apparently he’s got some magical touch.

- Ok, so I can admit that parts of this are super hot (if you ignore some of the glaring issues building up to that point). And there are a few moments of actual emotional connection between our two main characters. Some mild humor thrown in too that’s appreciated. I think overall there’s so much potential here for an all around tantalizing read. I was just distracted from it by so many of the elements that were unrealistic just to create conflict or add steamy tension. If you ever revamp this story I’d love to read it.

Still my favorite

Damn! Sexy, titillating, and just DAMN! Keiz, you are one hell of a writer.

Holy sh*t! That was fantastic! Could. Not. Stop. Reading it. Well done.

Such an awesome, steamy read. Loved all the
eloquent details and descriptions. It really brought
the story to life and made my pussy wet. -giggles-

not bad

Absolutely awesome.

Loved it! Another great inuyasha x kagome fic by the talented you. Super amazing!

Nice job had skittle bit of everything really really really liked it