Update more chapters about this story,because it's the best,extra and the great story that I was reading about it,and I am also starting to love and to like reading to this story. So can you please write more chapters,because I want to know what happens in the next chapters about it. THANKS SO MUCH FOR WRITTEN TO THIS STORY,thanks so much about it.&&&£££%%%$$$

That was great!

loved it love yami and Serena

I liked the duel. You played the beginning quite nicely and did not add the details that most other writers do and as a consequence make the section hard to read.

The kidnapping of Serenity was a bit rushed. You probably explain what happens in the next chapter, though. You are keeping with the YGO storyline, I see. And I think I am fine in thinking this is all taking place in Domino?

Oh, so the bad guys come into play now. All right, so the time is set during 'Waking the Dragons' and for the SM side, it is after the Alan and Ann arc?

Perhaps you will explain later on how Dartz seems to know of their past forms. Also, you could have played more with Rafael. Of course, you do keep them in character. Atemu is a tricky one, though...

Ooh, a duel...

After the longer chapter, this was a little bit of a disappointment. Ano, will you explain the entire ordeal with Atemu suddenly having guardians later on? It is out of place here. Oh, so you have made OC for this. I wonder how they will impact the story.

All other suggestions stand.

I like that this chapter is longer. Kudos to that. I see, so Atemu is still within Yuugi's body. I take back what I said regarding that in prior reviews. Do you have an enemy planned? Refrain from reading further if criticism is not what you want.

/

I advise that you go over your chapters after typing them up. Do not just post them up as soon as you are done. This really helps out to flesh out the chapter and ensures that mistakes are caught and fixed.

The plot is going a bit too fast and is not being explained quite as well as it probably should be. To use shortcuts like the ones you plan on using is not really of sophistication, but it is your story.

/

A bit of an awkward place to end a chapter, but it works to generate interest in the next chapter. It is mildly intriguing, though I would recommend a beta to read over your material - if you are comfortable sharing the story with someone else, that is. I know I have trouble letting others beta my Forgotten Feelings.

The suggestions I made previously stand, with the addition of checking your grammar and punctuation.

I applaud your entrance into the YGO/SM world. Welcome.

This was a rather short start to a story, but I am guessing it will soon progress and you will write lengthier chapters. I would like to offer some advice, if I may. I am also still trying to learn how to write in this section of the crossover world, but there are a few tidbits I found helpful. I understand that you said no criticism, but to grow as a writer, it is needed. I do not mind, however, if you just scroll down to where the / begin.

Try to add more detail. You could have done so much more in the beginning of this prologue. For instance, you could have described the night, casting some sort of foreshadowing. Generally, that is what the prologue is supposed to do.

To just throw in Atemu like that might not be a good idea. Perhaps a little note at the top telling readers that you would use him as a separate character, not limited to the confines of Yuugi's body.

/

There are so few stories about this pair left, I am glad to see that there are still some authors that continue to write. I will soon return to the shores of battle, but until then, I will keep reading this.

Hey Uchihasis. Ur story is REALLY good. I'm gonna write my own story about Yugioh and SM!

Anyways, I just came to say tht ur chapters r long enough because you've got lyk 19 chapters for god sakes! ifu had longer chapters then ppl wont bother reading ur story!

So don't worry about the length because its perfect!

Great Story!

You have got some really great ideas. For a lot of people the whole point of this site is to become better writers- so what I would say is take constructive criticisms. People may be harsh but we just want to help you be the best writer you can be- god i sound like a fortune cookie- Sorry!

...Let me get this straight.

You don't want constructive criticism?

Then why are you writing?

Why are you here?

Do you actually want glowing praise for this...this...rotten thing?

First of all...

It's too damn short. If you're writing a crossover, then your chapter should at least be a thousand words or more. You're breaking the Terms of Service with very short chapters like this.

Second of all...

Three fandoms? Okay...well you should know that crossing three fandoms is a LOT of work. You need to do research on all of them if you don't know one or two of them very well.

Third of all...

Your writing is bad. I don't know who Molly is, I don't know who Princess Serenity Kaiba is...huh? I really want to believe that this is a parody or a troll who's writing this because I won't even believe that you're in your teens. You have seventeen chapters and a little over nine thousand words. That's a big problem my dear-a very big problem.

Finally...

PLEASE GET SOME HELP WITH YOUR WRITING.

I can tell you've thought about this plot and tried to develop as much as possible- which is good! But there are two things: Maybe you could try to combine some of you chapters? And also, espeacilly in the earlier chapters, remember readers no nothing about you OC's to begin with!

1. You need a lot of working with your grammar.

2. Your chapters should be A LOT longer. It may be better if you combined some in your case, as there is little reason for them to be less than two paragraphs. That is not a chapter.

3. Crossovers are a preference, I dont like them, but each to their own. But! If you're going to cross over fandoms you should probably mention that in your summary.

4. DONT USE TWO QUESTION MARKS ?