Grammatical errors and spelling errors such as using 'peace' when you actually meant to use 'piece'. Just minor stuff so far that I've noticed in the first two chapters that can be fixed by simply proofreading. Though you might want to consider lengthing the chapters. Maybe instead of putting out chapters 3 and 4 separately, combine the two and just make it a slightly longer chapter instead. Then again, this fics been abandoned since long so this review probably wouldn't do much.

naruino ples

awesome story so far

Interesting... Does Naruto know who his birth parents are or is that still secret?

Thanks for writing.

It's always interesting with Naruto around lol.

He's like me, when he's around, everything gets turned upside down. Good luck turns to bad, weird becomes normal, quiet becomes loud, the whole shebang...

In this chapter you're calling Hinata's father by the wrong name - Hizashi. Hizashi is actually the name of Neji's father. Hinata's father's name is Hiashi.

Oh this is a really good story, and cant wait to see where it goes in the future

I love reading the chapters for this story and want more.

I love it. it's exactly how I imagined. I can't wait to read more.

Why does everyone call Yondaime Hokage Arashi? IT IS MINATO!

But, it doesn't matter as it is your fic, nice so far.

ME LIKE

Don't worry about it. I approve of the changes. I would like to see how this turns out.

I like this story very much.

Here are somes OC'S you can use.

Daisuke Yagani

male

Personality: He is cunning, clever, and stealthy. A prankster that rivals Naruto. Sweet and nice guy, shows unothodox intelligence only in battle, very fierce when it comes to fighting. A little goofy and childish but with more common sense than Naruto.

Ability: He dislikes hitting girls and because of that he always loses to girls in a spar in the academy, to make up for it, he created a technique when his eyes glow pink he has the ability to mentally tickle a girl by focusing chakra in his eyes and imagine any part of the girls body he wants to tickle, also he develop a tickle fetish for females from using it too much, a lot of girls have been his victim.

Hobbies: He likes pulling pranks, making jokes and loves to tickle torture girls to interrogate them, to calm them down when they get mad at him and try to hit him, just hearing them laugh, or getting him to do what he wants. He also have the ability to sense a weakness in his opponents.

Clothing and Appearance: Maroon pants and gold shirt, baby blue shoes, short black hair,

Bloodline: He has the ability to shape shift to anyone he sees, Once in his disguise form he can use the powers and abilities of anyone he turns into equaling that person in strength, stamina, intelligence, speed, and power, but only when he's in that form (he can't copy bloodlines for example if he turns into Hinata he can use all her attacks but cannot use the byakugan). When he fight's an opponent he turns into the person that opponent knows or is close to and use their attacks against them and fights like them. He temporarily retains the memories of anyone he turns into. He also carries a sword with a seven tailed badger symbol on the side, but rarely ever uses it except against another swordsman. He's an interrogator with his tickling, infiltrator with his shapeshifting, and frontline fighter with his sword and hand to hand.

Weakness: Ironically he can't hold a disquise shape when he's being tickled himself, or when he's knocked out or when he's hit too hard.

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Sora Matsuki

female

Description: long red hair, red eyes, wears the same clothes as Tenten only her shirt has long sleeves, but the color is all red with a black Chinese dragon imprinted in the back.

Personality: the voice of reason, she is intelligent in her own right, mature, and also nice, but she does curse sometimes. She has a crush on Daisuke (which he is a little clueless about) but is not above keeping him in line when he flirts with other girls or does something stupid, she can get jealous when another girl flirts with him. Because she is way more patient with him than Sakura, Ino and Tenten is with their male teammates she doesn't hit him just drags him away. She has a habit of saying "hell yeah" when she defeats an opponent.

Bloodline: has the power of ten elements: earth (brown), wind (pink), fire (red), water (blue), lightening (yellow), ice (columbia blue), metal (silver), wood (green), light (white), and darkness (black). Her hair, eyes, and clothes changes to the colors depending on which element she is using. She can manipulate and control them for creature comforts and fighting.

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Mai Kamaya

female

Description: Ice blue eyes, white hair shaped like shippuuden Ino only she lacks her trademark bang that covers her right eye, She also sometimes lets her hair down when she's fighting, she wears tight black clothes that shows off her figure.

Personality: A calm and cold personality, intelligence that is on par with shikamaru, speed and strength on par with Lee, an ice queen because she comes from a military family She doesn't like being in a team at first because she doesn't trust a lot of people and she think that they'll hold her back. She is protective of her friends and will attack with extreme prejudice anyone that tries to kill them. She has respect for Daisuke although she is too proud to admit it, because he's the first person to dare make her laugh (although she kicked his ass later on that) She does give her friends advice on battle. Also keeps her friends in line by making her eyes glow red which frightens Daisuke. And as with Sora despite her personality she takes orders from Sora without question on missions and looks out for her teams wellbeing. She is a spy and tactical strategist, and assassin.

Bloodline: pain eyes: when she stares at someone and her eyes glow red, it brings up pain and suffering and blow and barrage from the target's life and unleashes the torment once again. She can also bring pain from a targets future as well. For example if she uses it on team Gai, Lee will feel Gaara crushing his arm and leg again, Neji will feel the pain of the cage bird seal, and Kidomaru's attack, and Tenten will feel the pain of Temari's attack and falling on Temari's fan. Also if she wants to she can kill people with it by making them experience how are they going to die before it actually happens but will never do that except in life or death situations. That mix with taijutsu is a deadly combination. She also has the ability to possess people and animals bodies, but unlike Ino she doesn't need to leave her body, plus she can't get hurt or die if anything happens to the body she possesses.

come on not another naruhina do something more unique you have the set-up for naruino not so much naruhina

seems interesting read more later

loved