Feels like a film entry at the Sundance. _ The exploration of the mind, heart and spirit here is quite heavey - but something I appreciate. It was also good that you left it "unfinished", leaving the reader to think if Milly would move on, or will she pigheadedly stick to that idea of not having a hear to love anymore?

Very nice work!

Hey!

I really want to say "Nicely written fic" and "update soon!" but you probably get that a lot, so...

I'll leave a comment instead

Truthfully, I don't find anything wrong with the fic although sometimes, you can be very vague in the way you write things. Also, the sentences leave me hanging, as if there's something else you wanted to say but couldn't quite get it across...

BUT this comment only goes with a few - a tinsy part - of the fic. That finished...

I say! I didn't know you could write so well! Kudos to you and your muse!

Ciao!

That was really good and the words you used were so beautiful, but of course beauty isn't without it's flaws. You did have some wording problems in some of your sentances.

I have to say that this is one of the best one shots I have ever heard and I have read a lot on this site.

It was really well written. I didn't expect the ending to be a sad one though. Hopefully you'll write a happy sequel to it and I really like the phrases you use, especially the ones from the 2nd chapter and the ones nearing the end. They have alot of significance.

So overall, it really is a really nice story. Keep up the good work!

Looks like you've been pounding out one-shots daily. They are quite well written, certainly better than ninety-nine percent of the stuff in the GSeed section. Your vocabulary is good, but sometimes feels ill-placed - don't you get annoyed when people tell you that? I'll try to find an example, show you what I mean.

"

She went on like that for one could say as hours. Her voice and laughter died down as she found herself just sitting there, numbly staring at the gravestone – his gravestone. As if on cue, her eyes began to blur as she felt warmth on her cheeks. Tears. She tried to wipe them away but eventually gave up. She focused her attention once more to the stone, this time, with uncontrollable tears. "

You repeat "tears" in this passage - whether intentionally or not, it wasn't effective. Also, the "Her voice...gravestone" sentance could have been better phrased, more show and less tell. I think you would have gotten a better effect with: "Her voice faded. There was only the gravestone." The implication (her sitting there, looking at the gravestone) is more subtle, and most readers won't catch on it, but I think it sounds more professional.

"

She appeared to be talking to an invisible being as she gave pauses in between her statements."

This sentance is pretty awkward as well. I get the feeling that you're groping for diction, nouns that aren't too repetitive and verbs that aren't colorless. Don't let bad word choices make their way into your sentances - work on restructuring the sentances to modify the parts of speech utilized. For example:

"Haltingly, her eyes affixed to a spot slightly above and to the left of the stone, she spoke."

Again, doesn't mean the same thing exactly, but conveys the "invisible audience" thing more hauntingly.

Sometimes you lump redundant modifiers - a sign of space-grasping. Keep your sentances absolutely as compact as possible to avoid throwing readers off.

Ex:

"

After a short while, in a delighted and exuberant tone,"

I don't think either of these adjectives are the word you're looking for. If she's glazed over, kinda dreaming, not really there and talking to Tolle in her mind, try "chipper," as it conveys the glazed-eye image in the context of your paragraph. Otherwise, "buoyant," if she's trying to convince herself that he's here, and maybe "effusive" if she's generally enthusiastic, stumbling over her words to get them out.

Hope this helped! I look forward to more.

Nicely written. There were a couple of mistakes in the tense you used, but, nonetheless, this was a very enjoyable piece.